Post # 1
This is a really sensitive subject and dread bringing it up. Over the last few years my mom has gained quite a bit of weight. I know it affects her happiness and confidence greatly. She will go on diets and lose around 30 pounds until somehow she falls off the wagon and gains it back. When I first got engaged she started eating really healthy because she wanted to lose weight for the wedding and has now quit again. My Fiance and I were discussing it the other day and it hit me that I know soon we will have to look for her dress and she is going to be disappointed in herself. The thought of her bring upset with herself breaks my heart. Even worse, she HATES having her picture taken because she is embarrassed of her weight. I dont have any pictures of us together from probably the last ten years because of this and the last thing I want is her hiding from the camera and not having any pictures of her on my wedding day.
The thought of all of this is making me cry because I love her so much. She’s very sensitive and the last thing I want to do is for her to feel like I’m attacking her. Is there any nice way for me to bring this up?
Post # 2
You don’t bring it up. You help you find a dress she feels beautiful in. You make sure her hair and nails and makeup are perfect and telll her how awesome she, how much you love her, and how excited you are to share the day with her.
Post # 3
You ask: Is there any nice way to bring this up?
The answer: No. She goes on diets so she is fully aware of her weight issue. So bringing it up won’t help.
Let her choose her outfit alone (unless she indicates she’d like you to come).
Post # 4
anon56789: Do not what so ever bring it up. She knows that she has gained weight. It is extremely rude to bring up someone’s weight unless they ask you about helping them lose the weight.
Post # 5
There is no nice way to bring it up. Just help her find a dress she feels great in (there is a dress like that for every size I am sure) and compliment, compliment, compliment!
Post # 6
Anyway you bring it up will make her feel worse and I know you don’t want to do that. Just do your best to support her!
Post # 7
I suppose I differ from the replies so far because if I had a family member – indeed, if my mum – was unhappy and embarrassed about her weight to the extend you describe, if she was avoiding all photos, yoyo dieting and so on, I actually would bring it up. Not in the context of my wedding, but to support her. Diets aren’t the answer, so if she’s trying any sort of restricting program it’s no wonder she falls off the bandwagon. If it was my mum I would get active with her. Go over or invite her around, get in the kitchen and cook nutritious healthy meals with her, talk to her about what her goals are and how I can support her to achieve them, or talk to her about strategies to forget about the weight and accept herself as she is. I would encourage her to love herself as much as I loved her!
And in relation to the wedding i agree with PPs who say to help her to feel as confident as she can however she is right now – whatever she’s comfortable wearing, hair, make up, a glass of champers! It’s your wedding so hopefully she will brave the pics for you
Post # 8
Sorry bee, you can’t bring this up. Unless you’re willing to start working out with her ‘I want to get more in shape for the wedding, and I could use a buddy’ all you can do is help her feel beautiful.
Post # 9
Thanks for everyone’s advice! I just want to clarify I don’t want to have an “intervention” style conversation. More along the lines of me opening the conversation on how I need to get serious about eating healthy since my dress will be coming soon and maybe that will be a leeway into asking if she wants to join me for accountability. Unfortunately, we don’t live near each other or I know she would be working out with me already.
I just know that once she goes dress shopping whether it’s with me or by herself it will most likely end up frustrated or in tears.
Post # 10
She should go to the nutriologist, that way they can come up with a meal plan that doesnt starve her and helps he loose weight.
Maybe suggest that she excersice with her friends since you dont live near her?
Post # 11
anon56789: She’s an adult. She knows she is overweight. She knows that there are ways for her to eat healthy or to join WW or something. This isn’t something that should be brought up.
Post # 12
Mom is not a wedding prop. I know you are genuinely concerned on some level but it’s been TEN YEARS. She knows she has a weight issue and it seems as if it’s become top on your list of things to be concerned about because of your wedding. Let it goooooo. It isn’t appropriate to discuss with her – photos, dress, or not.
Post # 13
Coming from someone who has a long history of dieting and failing, if it were me I’d rather you try to encourage me to love myself, see myself as beautiful, and focus on the importance of the day rather than my insecurities. I’m going to be a plus size bride and I sometimes feel worried about that, but I would never want someone to try and encourage me to lose weight, knowing how much pressure it would put on me and probably not last. If you do research on dieting, the vast majority of people do not keep large amounts of weight off through dieting, especially when it’s tied to shame and bad feelings about oneself.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
I wouldn’t bring it up unless you think you can genuinely help. She knows she’s overweight and has made attempts to lose weight, bringing it up in the context of your wedding may just make her feel like you’re ashamed of her weight and want her to look better for your photos. I would tread lightly.
Post # 15
Nope. It will end poorly no matter how you word it. I am sure she has been thinking about this already.