(Closed) How to bring up when to have kids / TTC conversation to husband?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

giaf1:  Ummm this should’ve been at least discussed before the wedding, but since you missed the boat there… Maybe a good segue is if/when you see babies/children/etc. out and about, you can say that you’re so excited to start a family with him – when does he thinks would be a good time to start trying for children. 

Post # 4
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

giaf1:  do you know if he even wants kids? I’d start there…

Post # 6
Member
13 posts
Newbee

It’s hard to give advice like this when we don’t know you, your husband, or your relationship dynamic. Just approach it with him the way you would with any other somewhat serious issue like careers, finances, family conflict, or whatever. 

I agree with FutureMrsJohnson_ that you should have talked about this (several times!) before getting married.

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

I personally am super blunt. If it were me I would say something like “So are you planning to knock me up anytime soon or what?”. Lol! My husband has always said he likes it when I tell it to him straight because he says every other woman he dated thought he should be a mind reader.

What kind of birth control are you on? If you feel more comfortable bringing it up gently, perhaps you could tell him your pills need to be refilled and you are just wondering if he would like for you to refill them. Or if you have an iud you could say that it is about time for your next pelvic exam, should you get the iud removed while you are there? 

Post # 8
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

giaf1:  Well, if you haven’t bought a house yet (even though you agreed to wait until after that) then I would say you’ve changed your expectations on when you’d like to start trying. You need to have this conversation ASAP but you also need to understand if he doesn’t want to start until the pre-agreed upon life events have happened.

Post # 10
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

giaf1:  this should have been discussed in detail prior to marriage :O I cant believe youre asking strangers over the internet. I hope when you discuss it you are on the same page and it all works out. Going forward, you made a pact and are now in a lifelong partnership so any bing things should be easy and natural to discuss and should be discussed whenver they arise, not involve heavy plannign and deliberation to bring it up

Post # 11
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

giaf1:  I am of the opinion that this is too important a conversation to be anything other than crystal clear and direct, because you do not want to risk miscommunication or misunderstandings. How you start the conversation depends on the dynamic you have but you want to make sure you perfectly understand each other’s feelings by the end of it.

Post # 12
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

giaf1:  what if you go out to dinner and just bring it up frankly? that way it is a nice experience but you can still be direct. And it will give you some practice in being able to be straightforward and comfortable in speaking with your husband about issues that are important to you. 

Post # 15
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It can potentially hurt you but if your husband NEVER EVER wants kids this is something  you need to know NOW so you can decide to stay or go.

Let him know that there’s no wrong answer as long as the answer is definite (yes I want kids or no I don’t want kids) and ask it during a happy moment. If he didn’t give you an answer tell him its monumentally important to you that he answers and you’ll check with him again on Tuesday or whatever). Then leave him be and be your happy self until day X arrives then get an answer.

From here go on a date and talk about the when so you’re both flexible. 

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