(Closed) How to cancel my engagment??? HELP!!!

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Is there any way you can break this up into paragraphs? It’s really hard to read a gigantic wall of text, and I’d love to give you advice if I can but I’m having trouble reading it.

@cely1220:  

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I can’t even read this because its just one big block of text. Can you edit some paragraphs in?

Post # 5
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

wow that was hard… technically the engagement is off? ur and fiance have talked? and you are seeing the friend right? you just need to break it to ur families???? if that the case just be upfront and say we made a rush decision and right now i want to figure out what i want in life

Post # 6
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

??? can barely read this post without getting a headache from the wall of text and run-on sentences.

If I read correctly, sounds like you aren’t ready to get married to anyone right now, IMO.

Post # 7
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It seems to me that the way to go here would be to let your family know that you have broken off your engagement, but don’t tell them that you are seeing someone else. If you want to become more independent, they don’t need to know everything .If you become serious about the other guy, you can tell them. For now, concentrate on living your life. Do you live with your parents? If so, I would reccommend getting your own place to live.

Post # 8
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I think the only thing you can say is, “Mom, Dad, Ex-Fiance and I have talked a lot, and we decided that marriage isn’t the best next step for us. We want different things in life, and we’re really glad we realized that before walking down the aisle.” …leave out the new boyfriend part. That’s just asking for trouble.

Thank them for the their support, and tell them you love them.

Post # 9
Member
9119 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MissCalifornia: 

I broke it into paragraphs for whomever was having trouble:

I jut got engaged this past December in Mexico. I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years on a long distance relationship, I’m in the U.S and he is in Mexico. He is a really nice guy and sweet as can be, which I know would b a perfect husband! My parents are SUPER traditional, specially my dad he always told me he never wanted to meet any of my boyfriends unless he was going to be the one. So anyone can imagine how acward it was for my boyfriend being from another state in Mexico to come visit me every December that I went. So my dad had all these restrictions like he couldn’t come in the house nor be part of our New Years Celebration because he wasnt officially family. Then I’ve alway had problems with my parents not letting me do anything, and all i do is manage their businesses becuase their English is not that great. I also fealt and know my dad could use a man’s help with his constructin business and all he has is me and my two sisters.

Well, I thought that marrying this guy would be the solution to all these problems but I did always love him as well. So I thought why not and the sooner we et married the sooner he can come to the U.S and have our happy little family going on. But, I love going out and having fun so of course now that my parents know I’m engaged they really pulled the rains back on me. Now, Im realizing that I was doing this for all the wrong reasons and that i have barley lived my life specially with the type of parents that I have that literally limited me from going out with my friends to clubs or what ever. I thought okay I’ll be married but, he loves me so much he wont mind us going out often. But, marriage is alo t more then just having freedom from your parents. Now, along with this situation comes another situation tagged along. I have this friend (guy) that i dated for a little while when me and the guy im engaged to now broke up while were just dating. And, this friend and I really didn’t click because he wasn’t about being serious with anyone so we stayed very good friends. But, now this time we’ve known each other as friend something began to grow between us.

This guy has changed so much and has the character that really do like, I feel a stronger connection to him then i do to my fiance. He tells me what ho does and does not like, if he disgress on amything he tells me and we work through it. With my fiance its not like that, anyone might think I’m crazy but he is too nice. Basically whatever I say is fine with him and I need to have someone to tell me if I’m wrong. Like if we have a fight and its really my fault he’ll call me telling me he is sorry and that he was the one at fault. I know he does it because he loves me but, what if I get use to that and in our marriage he gets tired of it and his true colors come out I don’t want to go through a divorce if I can stop it in time.

I already spoke to my fiance and he is understanding with all this. So technically its been a few weeks since we broke it off with him, but our families still dont know. I know it’s too much to tell my family that my engagement if off and that I am seeing someone else. I really need help, I dont know how to break it to them or if I should tell them about the two things at once or justthe engagment tand wait a while until I tell them there is someone else. HELP!!!

Post # 10
Member
9119 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

OP: You don’t sound like you’re in the right mindset to get married. Apparently you just want to go out clubbing and doing whatever you want when you want? How old are you? This is not a “I want to get married” mindset. This is a mindset where you want to go out, flirt with whomever with no repercussions.

You’re still living at home but you’re going to get married? Where are you going to live? Your husband will live with you with your parents? That doesn’t sound ideal, now does it? I’d wait until I was on my own two feet and got the clubbing and partying out of my system before I decided to get hitched to someone, but that’s just my own two cents.

You later say he’s too nice and you’re going to “get used to” him taking responsibility for your actions. Why don’t you learn to take responsibility for your actions? If he says he was in the wrong and he clearly wasn’t, tell him. “I’m the one that was wrong and I need to take responsibility of that.” The fact that you’re so willing to let someone take the consequences (whatever they may be) for you really speaks volumes to me about maturity.

I think you need to do a lot of growing up before you enter into any sort of serious, long-term relationship.

Post # 11
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@Hyperventilate:  So agree!  Said everything I didn’t have the patience to type out, lol.

Post # 12
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I would tell your families about the engagement ending on its own. I’d give the news of there being someone else quite a bit more time.

Post # 13
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

OP you sounds extremely young and it is entirely understandable why you wouldn’t be quite ready for the long term commitment involved with marriage.  Give the guy in Mexico a call and tell him the engagement is off and send him back his ring (if by mail, send it insured.)  Be glad you broke it off before the wedding because a divorce is much more difficult than a breakup.

Then, get to enjoying being young and single.  Go party.  Go to college and/or establish some sort of career.  Don’t immediately jump into another relationship with the second guy.  Take a few months (or years) to be on your own and living on your own terms.  I felt much more confident and looked much sexier at 25 than I ever did at 18.

Post # 14
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He is a really nice guy and sweet as can be, which I know would b a perfect husband!

That’s not necissarily true. I know plenty of guys who are “really nice guys,” and yet they have these aspects of themselves that just do not make them someone you’d want to marry.

Now, Im realizing that I was doing this for all the wrong reasons and that i have barley lived my life specially with the type of parents that I have that literally limited me from going out with my friends to clubs or what ever.

I don’t think that going out with friends or to clubs qualifies as living your life. What about your education? A career? Building yourself up as a person is what I would qualify as living your life (speaking in terms of pre-marriage here).
Then you have things to worry about like your future husband’s career, how he supports himself and will support you (emotionaly, financially, in your career and education, with your choices, etc.)
Marriage isn’t going to solve all your problems magically – if anything it will just multiply them.

Just tell your family you broke off your engagment — but only if you really did break it off (it was hard to tell if you’re no longer engaged from how you wrote your post). And if you tell them that, MEAN IT. Don’t get re-engaged a few months later, even to another guy.
Sometimes those traditional type parents are just looking out for your best interests.

Post # 15
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cely1220:  It sounds like breaking off the engagement was a good move.  I think you should let your family know that the engagement is off without mentioning your new relationship.

Some people make the mistake of believing that marriage is the only way to escape the control of their parents.  Focus on yourself and speak with your parents about the restrictions that they place on you.  Maybe even slow down with the new guy. 

Also, I feel the need to say that just because someone is “nice” doesn’t mean they will make a great partner in life.  The fact that you don’t know that, leads me to believe you are in no way ready to make such a big commitment.  

Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

@MeiFrancis:  

Yes. I agree with everything you said. 

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