Post # 1
Well – since the wedding planning stage we have had some issues with Darling Husband family. For the most part – I have been able to get over things with his mom and dad in order to make it easier for Darling Husband – but his sister is a different story. She dropped out of our wedding with her husband about 2 weeks before – this after sending a string of nasty texts basically telling my husband what a controlling B I was and he should not marry me. Either way – I being the bigger person just let it go – didnt UN-invite her to the wedding I just ignored her. We have seen them once since then at a family bday party thrown by his mom for Darling Husband, his sisters, and a few other cousin’s birthdays. Basically – we did not look at or speak to his sister or her husband – it was like we pretended that no one was there.
Well fast forward to the holidays coming up – thanksgiving is at his sister’s house and his mom politely tries to tell us we are not invited. To me – I dont really mind – I am not close with them and it is always awkward because of everything that happened and them never acknowledging that maybe they handled everything wrong. So my Darling Husband is very upset because basically – he is never included in family events (except for the one). Before Fathers Day we tried to see if we could stop by to spend time with his dad he said they were busy. Turns out the sister is there – and we only find out because the dad doesnt answer and then later lets it slip that they were there. Not to mention hearing through the grapevine that there have been several ALL FAMILY parties that we weren’t invited to.
Now I get it they dont like me but to treat their son like this is ridiculous – he gets so upset. He will go there once in a while after work alone and they constantly guilt trip him by saying “you should stop by my more often” “hope you are having fun in your new life” “Don’t forget where you came from” – to which he says – you never call us to invite us over and we have invited you over.
What can I say or do for my husband to try and make it easier for him to cope with this? Any advice?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods
Maybe you could throw your own Thanksgiving sometime a little before Thanksgiving day and invite all of his friends and yours, to show him that he has love and support of others even though he’s having a rough time with his family?
Post # 4
I agree with Aqualov; family isn’t always blood. I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with my family and Mr. H’s, but every Christmas I still have “family” Christmas. The guest list is our group of friends and the friends’ SOs. We cook a big meal just like we would at a traditional family dinner, and we exchange our gifts. Obviously for Thanksgiving you wouldn’t bring gifts (or you could, who doesn’t love presents??), but I think having a group Thanksgiving would be wonderful. Plus it would probably be nice for any friends of y’all’s that maybe aren’t close (emotionally or geographically) to their actaul families too. Good luck, I know that can’t be fun to deal with 🙁
Post # 5
Your husband’s family are being a bunch of jerks! How HORRIBLE that they are OK excluding their own brother/son to family events!!
I agree with the big friends Thanksgiving – we do one every year, and it’s wonderful!
We usually do a potluck and sit around chat & drink the whole time, everyone has fun.
I think it would make things easier for your husband if he limited contact with his family. Block texts and only accept phone calls, for instance. There isn’t much you can do about it but support him emotionally (I am sure he feels worse about this than he lets on) and become a better, more welcomign family than his own.
Post # 6
Ugh!!! My grandparents are the same way! My uncle pulled some BS and ‘uninvited’ us to Xmas because we didn’t make it to his kid’s birthday parties that summer (I was working out of state and Darling Husband works nights)…. My grandparents did not stand up for us at all! It was DH’s and my last straw so we sold our house so that we could leave the state and be closer to DH’s family… Right now we are living in an apartment 30 mins away (we used to be walking distance) while we look for jobs and line up our moving plans… We basically don’t exist to them anymore!! Darling Husband texts my grandpa to see if he wants to go to breakfast and never gets texted back … And we invite them to dinner and ‘they already have plans, and no time to schedule something else …’ It’s complete BULL!! But we should call more, and WE don’t communicate… UGH!
I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t really…. Our plan is to move near people who do care about us… We miss having family interactions but we’re out of ideas and tired of our attempts being rejected…
Post # 7
@krstino1012: I am SO sorry to hear that DH’s family is acting this way. Blood does not a family make. I would not allow any of my friends to treat me this way therefore my family would never be able to act like such jerks to me. It sounds like Darling Husband is better off w/out his “blood family.” Be around those who want to be with both of you. His family needs to be accepting of both of you or get used to a life of not seeing either of you. I honestly don’t think Darling Husband should continue to visit them as long as they refuse to treat you equally.
In my marriage Darling Husband & I are a package deal. If you have a problem with Darling Husband then you’ve got a problem with me. You don’t get to be an a-hole to my spouse and maintain a relationship with me. Do you have family that you and Darling Husband can spend the holidays with or possibly host a “FriendsGiving” at your place?
Post # 8
Thank you ladies for your kind words and advice about this problem. We will be celebrating thanksgiving by my parents with my extended family who adore DH and me. I mean for me that is ideal and Darling Husband would prefer to be around my family because he knows they love us both. But again no matter how old we are or if we know better we always seek that desire to be a part of our own family – so the fact that we are excluded from his hurts him.
I will make sure to let him know that on Thanksgiving, I am so thankful that he chose to be with me and that we have a loving family with each other no matter what!
Post # 9
@krstino1012: i’m so glad that your family loves him (and i don’t mean that as if his family doesn’t. i just mean that i’m glad that your family is supportive and loving of you both). maybe each day in november you can write him a little 1-line note saying a reason why you’re thankful for him just for extra cheering-up 🙂
i hope you guys both have an amazing holiday!