Post # 1
I’m recently engaged, and have started planning like crazy! My biggest worry right now though is deciding who my Maid/Matron of Honor will be. I am the type of girl who has a few super close friends, all of which are equally special to me, because they each bring something fabulous and new to my life. My fiance and I are planning a smallish wedding and only want three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, which I have managed to choose. In walks the problem! I have been the maid of honour for two of my three bridesmaids…and the third, I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. Crazy thing is, I think of them as equally important, and just because one has to sign the paper, doesnt mean I care any more for them than the others. I know at least one of the three girls will be hurt if I don’t choose them. Keeping in mind, the two I was maid of honour for, we’ve been friends fo 10-16 years…
Is there a nice way to go about not necessarily choosing a MOH? I don’t want to draw straws…because I feel like its a cop out, but I honestly don’t know what else to do.
Post # 3
If it’s THAT tough, i’d just not have a maid of honor and have 3 bridesmaids. You don’t have to pick someone for Maid/Matron of Honor just because they picked you, either. Just tell them you couldn’t choose a Maid/Matron of Honor because you love them all so much and you don’t want them to feel unequally important. Do all your bridesmaids know each other well enough so that they’ll collaborate well together?
Post # 4
I agree. And you can divvy up the typical Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities and honors. You have a small wedding party. I think it would be considered an honor just to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man at all. And when you give them Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts, like jewelry or something, maybe you can give each of them something different and personal, instead of all the same thing. Or make their bridal bouquets a little different. Just an idea.
Post # 5
I agree with the others. And if signing the license gets in the way of things, could you have someone else do it? A sister or future sister in law or aunt or cousin or…? If it’s a family member rather than a friend, that could also remove the need to choose one of the bridesmaids for that duty.
Post # 6
I am going to have 5 BM’s, 4 are my closest friends, one is a second cousin who has been my "big sister" since we first met when I was 12 & she was 21. I am going to ask my second longest friend be my Maid/Matron of Honor because she lives here in MA. My oldest friend I’ve known since I was 9, but the Maid/Matron of Honor I met when I was 12 (and moved to the US) and oldest friend still lives in Ireland so I know for her being an Maid/Matron of Honor it would be more difficult and I know she’ll understand. (I was engaged previously a few years ago but cancelled the wedding 2 months out so we’ve already had a practice run LOL).
Did you meet all of your friends at the same time or one first then the next? I do like what the other Bees said, you don’t NEED to have an Maid/Matron of Honor if they are all so close & someone might be hurt by you picking one. I just chose based on how long I’ve known each of my girls.
@Tanya – My longest BFF is Tanya too! I love your name!!!!!
Post # 7
I agree with the others- best not to choose one if you’re not sure. You can always end up choosing one later in the process, especially if a girl really steps up during the planning or has the time for the extra responsibilities. Since some of your girls are married, you can also choose a maid and matron of honor, but that might leave the two girls you don’t choose out of the mix.
Post # 8
If it’s that difficult to choose and you don’t want to pick straws or anything, make them all BMs so no one gets for feelings hurt and explain to them why. Then, maybe someone else can just sign the marriage license?
Post # 9
Thanks very much for all of your suggestions! I love the idea of having none of them sign the license! I can ask my future sister-in-law to do it…that way she still feels "special"..and the none of the BM’s feel unequal.
Thanks a ton ladies 🙂