How to choose bridesmaids- please help!

posted 1 week ago in Wedding Related
Post # 2
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Unless there’s a reason you’re not close I would personally ask your sister in laws. Weddings are in part about  families coming together and you will be related to these women for a long time. It’s a nice gesture and may even bring you closer. I’d include your other friends too since you say you would like to have them.

As for the two who don’t speak to one another, a basic level of civility should be the only expectation. They don’t even have to show up early to “get ready” just be ready for photos, where they can stand at opposite ends, and participate in the ceremony. You can seat them at different tables or far from one another. If one of them bows out under these circumstances then that is on her. 

If you are thinking about complications with pre-wedding events, there aren’t any because these things are always optional and voluntary. 

ETA I agree with the comment below. You don’t need a Maid/Matron of Honor at all. In fact, if there’s not one clear choice there shouldn’t be one IMO. I’ve attended plenty of weddings that just featured equally “ranked” bridesmaids. 

Post # 3
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

 You dont HAVE to have a maid/matrom of honour

 

Post # 4
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@lizgburton:  That’s a tough one.  Why am I inclined to say keep it simple and be the star of your show!  Bridesmaids can be more trouble than what it’s worth. I’m not having any but honestly pick the ladies who you think really support you and your Fiance and who will ride with you until the end.  

Post # 5
Member
10814 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I think you should ask exactly who you want and nobody else. Maybe friend A (and not B) plus  two other friends .  Or leave the A and B problem out altogether by having neither .  No need for an Maid/Matron of Honor at all. 

Post # 10
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think there is anyone you “should” ask. And I’m with Ricli on this, I’d skip the bridesmaids thing, but if it’s what you want, choose those you are closest to!

Post # 11
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee

And do not pick two friends who aren’t getting along. I’d choose the friend who expressed interest in helping! 

Post # 13
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@lizgburton:  That would totally overwhelm me.  

Post # 14
Member
4786 posts
Honey bee

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@lizgburton:  planning a wedding is the responsibility of the people getting married. Bridesmaids are not free workers. 

Post # 15
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@lizgburton:  As I said in the duplicate thread, other than minor day of tasks, it’s supposed to fall to you, the venue, or paid vendors. The “maid” in bridesmaid historically referred to a young woman. It’s an honor title, not a job description. 

People can offer to host events or help out, but that is completely optional and voluntary. On your end there’s no entitlement if no one offers. Personally, I wouldn’t burden friends with planning, set up, clean up or any sort of DIY even if they offered. 

Post # 16
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee

You should be choosing the people closest to you, not just because they’re family. In your situation, I probably wouldn’t choose anyone. If you do go with a bridal party, they aren’t there to perform tasks for you.

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