How to choose bridesmaids- please help!

posted 1 week ago in Wedding Related
Post # 17
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

No You don’t have to ask your SILs. I wouldn’t if I had so many other friends I wanted to have. 

 

Ask both friends but tell them upfront that the other is being asked and that if they agree to be a bridesmaid, it is with the understanding that they will act civally towards each other. Ask them to leave the issue outside of the wedding.

 

Also, I was co-matron-of-honor in a wedding because my friend couldn’t choose between the 2 of us– that was just fine. You cand o that, or not have any.

  • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by beesinging.
Post # 18
Member
738 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@lizgburton:  you should not be looking at bridesmaids as delegates for wedding planning.

Post # 19
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@aprilblonde:  can you tell me more about that?  I’m just curious because in my culture they do assist with tasks.  I’m just curious about your perspective of this. 

Post # 20
Member
738 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@ricli:  from my perspective the bride, groom, or parents if they are paying, organise the wedding. Any attendants are not expected to help with anything as they are considered guests. 

Post # 21
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@aprilblonde:  Thanks so much for that perspective. That practice is very different from where I am from where bridesmaids are considered both guest and and in part attendants who have duties that contribute to the ceremonial day.

Post # 22
Member
738 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@ricli:  cultures are different  the first I heard of BMs paying for their own dresses was when I moved to the US. That was never a thing in my background, the bride paid because she chose the colour and style. Also if she wanted them to wear specific shoes she paid for those. BMs decided on their own hair and make up. Apart from on the day ceremonial tasks, walking up the aisle, witnessing the ceremony and photos they had no further obligations. Generally the numbers were low, 2 or 3 max, I had one bridesmaid. Or often brides would just have a flower girl and ring bearer. The huge bridal parties, extravagant showers and parties I came across in the US were an eye opener for sure.

  • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by aprilblonde.
Post # 23
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@aprilblonde:  Oh ok there is similarities in your experience and mine.  Bride pays for bridal party dresses and shoes.  However the bridal party can be extremely large. Brudala oarty is responsible for ceremonial and pre ceremonial tasks and such.  Anyhoo it’s all very interesting learning about different ways weddings are experienced culture wise. 

Post # 26
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@lizgburton:  Those things may still happen, but again it’s totally optional. Traditionally, showers are hosted by any friend, group of friends, or friends of the family. Bridesmaids can certainly make that offer and many times they do but they are not obligated, certainly if hosting is not practical, the expectation is for a non-intimate, non-low key event or beyond their means. 

You’re right that traditionally the Maid/Matron of Honor might coordinate relaying instructions and deadlines to the bridesmaids, but it’s ultimately your respiratory to consult regarding budgets and style of dress so there’s really very little time saved there. Plus, everyone can be fitted separately, when it’s convenient for them. Shoes, other than perhaps some general direction in terms of a popular color and style, are really not yours to dictate, so that’s not a big deal. 

All together you’re not talking about a lot more time and effort than you’d be making to scope out dresses in the first place. There’s also nothing that says you can’t invite a friend or friends to shop with you. They don’t need a Maid/Matron of Honor title. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors