Post # 1
I am having some trouble choosing a maid/matron of honor for my June 2015 wedding. I have two older sisters, one is 29 (not married), the other is 38 (married), and I am 22. Everyone has asked who my maid/matron of honor will be but I feel bad choosing between the two.
Some have mentioned having both a maid of honor and a matron of honor, which I could do, but I feel like there will still be one who is the prime person…walks down the aisle right before me, does the maid of honor duties.
My 29 year old sister and I live together, and have lived together for most of our lives, as opposed to my oldest sister who has lived separately since I was like 5, but otherwise I’m not really any closer to one or the other.
I also have a close friend who I have been friends with since I was 9 who would like to be the maid of honor. This would help me by not having to choose between sisters, but there are some issues with this as well, as she moved 1500 miles away a few years ago and, while she says she wouldn’t miss my wedding for anything, I have a bad feeling that something might come up right before the wedding and she won’t be here 🙁 She has a young child and is pregnant with another at the moment, and they have been having some financial issues which make me think she might have problems traveling for the wedding.
I actually thought of a fun way to have my sisters compete to see who gets to be maid of honor. I was going to set up a few games and have them compete against each other, and the winner is maid of honor. I just thought this would be a really fun way to take the pressure off of me. My sisters don’t want to do that though.
I should also mention that neither of my sisters is pressuring me to choose them, but I still feel bad choosing. Also, my friend has said she wants to be maid of honor, and the way she said it, it almost sounded as if she already thought she was going to be maid of honor.
What would you do?
Post # 3
@rel318: I would have one matron and one maid of honor, and then split the “traditional” duties. One stands closest and walks down the aisle last, one does the speech, etc.
Post # 4
I would have two, and have them switch off “duties.” One takes care of the shower, one takes care of the bachelorett party. One could walk first in the wedding procession, one could sit next to you at the head table and deliver the first speach (assuming you are doing a head table)
I also am glad that your sisters nixed the idea of having a competition. I think that there is no good way that could have gone.
Post # 5
I have a younger sister and an older sister.
I was my older sister’s MOH, and I chose my younger sister to be mine. Perhaps my younger sister will choose my older sister and close the loop?
I think that you should pick the person who you feel comfortable sharing everything with as your MOH. The one you tell secrets to, the one you don’t feel ashamed of said secrets with, and the person you know you will never lose touch with.
If that’s the friend, great. If that’s one or the other of your sisters, also great.
It’s only important that you feel close to the person and you feel comfortable with them being your main witness to your marriage.
Post # 6
I think having them compete for MOH wouldnt work out as well as you think, even if neither of them are really pressuring you to be MOH, it can’t feel good to “lose”.
Theres no reason you can’t have multiple MOHs, even if they put in differing amounts of effort. One of my bridesmaids does more wedding-related activities than my MOH, so honestly, its just a title, not an indicator of effort. If I had a sister, I would have had 2 MOHs.
If I were in your position, I would pick both sisters, and whatever effort (if any) they can put into your wedding, be thankful for. And if you’re worried about how to have the processional for the ceremony, why not have them walk down together? There’s no reason you can’t shake things up a bit and have whoever you want, walk in whatever order you want.
ETA: Along with that, you can have 3 MOHs too, and have your friend also. I also like the idea of letting all of them split duties between them.
Post # 7
I would have both. I know my sister is planning on having a maid and matron (me the matron – my neice the maid).
Post # 8
Do NOT make them compete for it!!! That can go wrong so badly (and sorta takes away from the honor of it if you are forcing them to compete for the privilege of being it…)
I’d split the duties: Signing the license (if needed), walking before you (although they could walk in together), even standing next to you, making the toast, etc. A friend just did that, and she had one matron, one maid, just as you’d be able to do.
Post # 9
Oh wow the competition thing smacks of drama! Maybe not intentionally but it could turn ugly fast!
I had a similar deliemma and chose to have no MOH. I have 5 BM and all of them are equal and have split all the “duties” as it works out (some live here, some live away). My FI has two brothers in a similar situation as you, so he did the same. Some people seem confused at no MOH/ Best man but it’s working out really well for us.
Post # 10
As I just posted below, we split the “duties” between the close family members (signing register, speeches ect). So both brothers get an important role and no feelings were hurt.
Post # 11
You don’t. You pick both sisters IMO!
Post # 12
@rel318: Ugh, the competition idea sounds awful. No wonder they don’t want to do it!
I would chose both a maid and matron of honor and split up the duties.
Post # 13
The competition idea was more of a joke, especially since both say they don’t really care too much. They would just do dumb outdoor games, like horseshoes or something. When we were talking about it, it was going to be a lot of fun, but neither are really competitive so we’re not gonna do that anyway.
Post # 14
@rel318: I have two sisters and they both had two maids of honor (us) and I’m having them both be mine as well. They shared planning equally and no one was more important than the other!
Post # 15
If you really do have a preference, don’t feel bad. Just choose whoever you’re closest with. It’s your day and your sisters should understand.
If you don’t have a preference, I agree with everyone else that you could split the duties. One doesn’t have to be the “main” MOH in this situation. MOHs have a TON of duties and this might make it much easier on both of them. They’ll probably appreciate it.
I would never make someone a MOH who I was afraid would bail. That’s too much stress on you.
Post # 16
My sisters and I worked this out when we were kids. My sisters are 4 and 6 years younger than me. 4 is mine, 6 is hers, and I am 6’s. No hard feelings and no stress 🙂