(Closed) How to choose my BMs

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee

Does it really matter if both your sides are even? Its great that your Fiance has 5 great men to stand up there with him, but that doesnt meant that you have to. Just choose the people that meet your criteria and that you WANT to stand up with you! Theres no need to put people up there to take up space if you dont feel comfortable with it! If it helps, I have a great friend since high school and college that I dont see much, but shes my best friend and, like you, when we see each other, its like no time has passed! Shes going to be my maid of honor! I think a lot of times, those people, who can handle the distance and still keep a relationship, are truly great friends!

Post # 4
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Based on what you’ve said, I think you should choose your SIL, your mom, your 2 cousins, and your friend from college.

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How far away is your wedding? Based on the experience that I have had as well as those of close friends, we have all had regrets about some of our bridesmaids. If your wedding is more than 6 months away I would wait and see how relationships continue to evolve. Better to be safe than sorry!

About the honorary bridesmaid thing, you could ask them to do a reading or help with the guest book as a way of giving them something special to do. Don’t feel obligated to make everyone else happy, this is your day!

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I wouldn’t worry about making the attendants even on both sides. But I would invite your sister-in-law if I were you. Family are definitely people that will be around the rest of your life (hopefully). Even though y’all aren’t close, you could be in a few years and will look back and love she was in your wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t have much advice about the others, besides don’t feel guilty for not inviting a Bridesmaid or Best Man who expects to be one.

I just met with a “good” friend the other day. I was in her wedding a few years ago. It was just assumed that she would be in my wedding… but she’s not. She kept asking me about details and it was VERY awkward. However, I want those I’m close to and won’t create drama to be my BMs. Hope this helps!

Post # 8
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d say when picking your bridal party, it’s most important that you pick people who will be supportive to you in a variety of ways–both the practical and emotional.  And, I’d make that your main focus, as opposed to finding a balanced party.  I’m finding as I go along with the planning, it’s been EXTREMELY helpful to have a bridal party I know I can get supported by.  ๐Ÿ™‚  So, I’d keep the focus on that, and keep that in mind when going through the people you’re considering.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I picked my bridal party, I picked those girls that are closest to me and would never complain if they weren’t chosen but rather, would be accepting of the circumstances and my decision. These are the people that I know will be the most gracious and understanding of such an honor, and so they deserve to stand with me on such an important day. Anyone who wants to be a pissy pants can move along. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 10
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We kept it to only family. My brothers stood up for me [there are four of them] and his immediate siblings stood up for him [two brothers and two sisters]. 

I have a lot of close friends, but they all came in sets of two or three and I didn’t want an overwhelming party. 

I’d say if you choose friends, be sure to choose people you see being a part of your life for a long time. Those pictures can’t edit people out after they’re taken! They’ll be on your walls forever : )

Post # 11
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Fiance is having 4 groomsmen and I am only having 3 bridesmaids. I have lots of close friends where I live who are helping me with everything. We don’t want to overdo it on the bridesmaids, though, because the wedding is not that large. I decided to draw the line and just frankly tell everyone that we don’t want to have a large wedding party so I am only asking people who have known me more than X number of years (in my case X is 17!). I have told pretty much all of my girl friends that and they understand. They are still being really sweet and still helping with tons of wedding stuff. I am planning to get a special gift for them too.

@Cornflakegirl:agreed…I can’t stand the thought of asking someone to be in my bridal party who would be mad if I didn’t ask them

Post # 12
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I based my decision on people that are a big part of my life now and not people that were my friends in grade school or HS or college. I want to look back at my pictures in 10 years and still have those people close to me. I have the same situation where my Boyfriend or Best Friend of 28 years and me are not speaking, we drifted apart over the last 2 years. She recently found out before I could tell her that she is not in the wedding party and now she is sending me hate mail everyday. It sucks. I would say invite people who will be there for you, will support you and who will be in your life years from now. Don’t feel obligated to ask people who are assuming they are in the wedding. You should tell them sooner than later. You can say you are keeping it small, saving money or the like.

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