(Closed) How to communicate our wishes?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’d say just be honest with your reasonings behind why you want to have a dry reception, maybe they’ll begin to understand and accept your choice. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding day! I think the idea of an after party is a good idea, as it gives those who want to drink the chance to, while still keeping your reception the way you want it.

I read your earlier post about them threatening to leave during the reception, and I’d be pretty upset and hurt if someone did that to me. So best of luck with planning and working it out with them, but just remember it’s YOUR day 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I really think you should stick to your guns about it being *your* wedding and that *you* are paying for it.

While I didn’t have to deal with the same thing, we did have a somewhat similar problem come up. We’re having beer/wine/hard cider/champagne at our wedding but no hard alcohol. There are a few reasons for this: cost, the fact that my family doesn’t drink much but my fiance’s family drinks a lot, and not wanting everyone to be totally plastered. My fiance’s family offered to pay for hard alcohol but it also got complicated with the catering. In the end, I reinforced that my family doesn’t really drink and that I didn’t want there to be this huge discrepancy, especially since our families haven’t met yet.

Post # 5
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I like to have a couple drinks, but the options you have proposed are great- Join us for our wedding and then if you CHOOSE, come out after on your own dime. 

It’s your wedding, do what you want!

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just tell them, “well that’s what we’re going with! can’t change our minds!” and don’t leave it open for discussion.

But since you’re getting married in a year, don’t fight with them or it’ll make for a very long engagement. Hopefully they’ll just get the hint and bring it up minimally. Don’t stress too much though .

Post # 8
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If alcoholisim is a concern, FIs  family should understand. weddings are about compromise but some things you just shouldnt risk. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns.

A friend of mine had a dry wedding…and when the people who arrived wanted to drink, they got liquor and brought it back in…lol. But noone got mad and left.

Stick to your guns! Tell them that alcohol is a danger to your family and thus they cant be put at risk (its a little extreme way of thinking but true to an extent and it should drive the point home!)

Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh lord–you should hear the flack we got when we said, “we only want to serve beer at the reception and only enough champagne to toast.” FH is a weekend brewer and it’s his thing and we’re not terribly big winos. My parents think this is ludicrous.

…But they didn’t threaten to walk out.

Hmm…I like what you’ve been saying already. It helps to figure out where they’re coming from–maybe it’s a concern over people not having fun at the party or their friends judging them, or maybe they have their own social anxieties that are alleviated when there’s alcohol around. If it’s something like that, you can attempt to address to root cause and say, emphasize to them how great your DJ is at getting everyone on the floor or something. But at the end of the day, don’t be afraid to put your foot down. It IS your wedding and this is not an unreasonable idea. And to your stepmom, I’d throw the logic back at her: “Really? You think that our friends value Wild Turkey more than they do the two of us? Seriously??” People will come; some will raise an eyebrow, but some always will no matter what you do.

Post # 10
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry–I screwed up and hit return before I finished with the REAL point (it’s late, I need to go to bed):

In other words, tell them gently “no,” take it off the table, and then try talking about your wedding–if they’re afraid of the unknown (a wedding with no alcohol) then try to get them to envision it so it won’t be so unfamiliar. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh you poor dears. That’s no fun.

If they’re gonna walk out, you can’t stop them. In that case, I might say to FH family something like: “We understand if you’re not comfortable being at the reception without alcohol and we’d both really love it if you came, but if you want to skip it, we understand. But it means the world to us to have you at the ceremony, so please at least come to witness the vows.” That communicates that you value their company and encourage them to reciprocate in kind.

Post # 14
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh no! I was saying you were poor dears because of the family issues–THOSE are no fun.

*We* are having an iPod, so no shame there!

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