- Betrayed Bride to Be
- 6 years ago
Hi, I’m a wedding bee user posting under a new account for more anonymity. I apologize now for the length of this post.
I recently found out that my inlaws have been bullying my fiancé into pulling money from my checking account behind my back (approximately $300 over the last 3 weeks). They knew quite well that this was not OK with me, but they continually pressured him to do so. They encouraged my fiancé to effectively steal from me so that they could use the stolen money. They planned to deposit the money back into my account at a later date, once my future Mother-In-Law gets her first paycheck from her new job.
I have talked to my fiancé about it, and have basically straightened stuff out with him. However, I am not sure how to confront his parents about this. I have dealt with a lot of financial bullshit with them over the years, helping to support their son’s expenses in college so that he could send his money home to them. Over the last 5 years, they have easily gotten $20,000 from either my fiancé, myself, or my parents. During this time, my Fiance and I were full-time college students in very demanding degree programs. We still helped to support them by working multiple jobs, even when we were in school!
But at least then, the money was knowingly given. I may have been pressured, but I still had a choice. Going behind my back is the final straw. I want his parents out of my life, if not permanently than for at least the next several months. I’m tempted to give back all the gifts they have given me — including my engagement ring, which was a gift from my Future Mother-In-Law.
For perspective, here is a bit of background on these people:
My fiance’s family used to be very wealthy, but due to changes in the economy combined with personal problems of my future Father-In-Law (manic depression, alcohol abuse, agoraphobia), they have fallen on rough times. They initially lived off of their savings, but they depleted everything, and are now on the verge of losing their house. Future Father-In-Law, who had always been self-employed, has not made any money in over a decade. FMIL rejoined the workforce a couple years ago, but she has been unable to find a steady long-term job, due to many of the companies she works for shutting down. Both of them have filed for bankruptcy multiple times in the last several years.
My fiancé had a difficult upbringing with them. They were borderline abusive during his early childhood, but the financial problems seemed to bring some sense to their priorities. Future Father-In-Law stopped drinking. They united as a family and the abusive behavior stopped. When I first met them five years ago, I found them to be warm, wonderful people. Friends, who have known the family for years, also commented on the positive change. In the first 4.5 years of our relationship, I thought they were wonderful. Financial problems aside, I viewed them as my dream inlaws. I knew they were struggling with money, but I was willing to help them, because they were so kind to me. They were my family; how could I not help them?
But all of that changed when I moved in with them after graduating. My fiancé and I had hoped that by moving in with them, we would have a cheap place to live while we looked for work. The first few weeks were great, but then it went downhill. Both his parents were unemployed at the time. His mom would accept odd jobs as they came, but that was only a couple hundred dollars a month. I used the last of my savings combined with the money my parents gave me to support the household, paying for food, gas, phone service and internet.
A couple months later, the electricity was turned off. Turns out they hadn’t been paying their utilities in years. My parents had drastically reduced my monthly allowance from $1500+ to $400. It was no longer enough to support the household. I said that I could not pay the electricity. I proposed we live without electricity for a few weeks, going to the nearby library as needed. We could use my money for food and restart the electricity once someone got a job.
When my Future Father-In-Law found out about this, he went ballistic and kicked me out of the house. I do not want to repeat the things he said to me, but they were incredibly hurtful. My Future Mother-In-Law was very kind to me during this period, however, and I was quite grateful to her.
Since moving out, things have gone up for me. I was able to find a new place to live nearby for free in exchange for housework, and I recently started my dream job. I felt terrible leaving my fiancé with them (no food in the house, no utilities, etc), but there was nothing more I could do. I didn’t have the money to get him a place elsewhere, and he was unemployed. Thankfully, he just got offered his dream job as well. We are planning to move back in with each other later this month.
As hurt as I was from my FFIL’s actions, if you had asked me just a couple weeks ago, I would have told you that I was starting to feel like I could let these people into my life again. Now I’m not so sure. I know the money was pulled from my account so my Future Mother-In-Law could buy gas to get to her new job. I know they intended to refund the money, and that they ultimately want to pay everything back with generous interest. But I didn’t consent to those funds being taken. I was never even asked! I agreed to let them use my car (after they sold theirs for extra cash), and I even agreed to pay insurance on it, knowing they couldn’t afford it. But I did not agree to pay for gas.
They won’t go on welfare, because they hate the concept. They won’t go to churches or food banks, because they think other people need it more. But they will steal from me!