(Closed) How to confront thieving inlaws

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

First off, I’d like to commend you for being so mature through this whole situation. And yes, I agree that they need to be confronted. 

 

I would sit down with them, and speak about the situation calmly but firmly. I would be assertive, and let them know that due to their behaviour, you shall not involve yourself in each other’s financial situation in the future. I would let them know that your trust has been abused, and that this will drastically change your relationship from now on. 

 

I suggest that you never live with them, borrow money from them, loan/give money to them, or involve them in any financial issue you may have in the future. I do not suggest wiping them out of your life completely; this can have repurcussions in the future, especially if you ever have kids.

But i’d let them know they’re on their own now, and they have made a big dent in your relationship with them. And I think your Fiance needs to start thinking about breaking ties with them as well, financially speaking…

Post # 4
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow!  I honestly don’t know how you stay so calm with all of this.  I agree with MrsCassar.  Do not lend them any more money.  Do not pay any of their bills.  Make sure that your Fiance knows he can not be taking money out of your account for them.  

Post # 5
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

Wow….

You need to have a sit down with them and let them know that this is NOT okay.

Get your car back from them, and let them know that they are own their own financially.

They are grown adults. They should NOT be dependent on you.

Also, I’m pretty shocked at your FI’s actions. I would change account numbers and keep that info from him after you have this sit down with his folks in case they pressure him further.

Post # 6
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The reality is that without the cooperation of your Fiance, they would not have had access to your funds. As angry as I would be with them, I would be 10 times more upset to find out that my Fiance was stealing from me. If he is old enough to get married, he needs to be mature enough to stand up to his parents’ bullying.

Post # 7
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@julies1949: This. I’d be far more upset and betrayed by my Fiance and e focused on dealing with them. He should be the ones to tell them that this will NEVER happen again like that. This would cause me to worry a bit about where your FI’s loyalties are going to lie in the future.

Post # 8
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have to agree with MrsProf.

 

Post # 9
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry, but I agree with PPs. I would be more upset with my Fiance. He gave them access. Is your account joint? I know my Hubby didn’t have access to my account until right before the wedding when we made it joint. 

I would change my account number or at least make sure your Fiance doesn’t have access until you can trust him again. Then I would address them. 

Post # 10
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@trugem: I agree. You can be mad at the parents for pressuring him, but it was him that gave in to them. 

Post # 12
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@julies1949 and @MrsConnick: This exactly.  How exactly are you more upset with the in-laws than with your Fiance, who committed the actual theft?

Post # 13
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow. First, maturity is essential and I’m not sure I could be so calm in your situation. Like PPs said, you should sit down and talk with them calmly but firmly.

Post # 15
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Betrayed Bride to Be: Honestly, I would just cut them off financially first. If that doesn’t work, then cut them off all together. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

His parents pressure him for money because it works. You can say whatever you want to them, but until he stops giving in, they will keep doing it because it’s effective.

I realize this is a tough situation. No one wants to see their parents too broke to buy food or put gas in the car. I think what you and your Fiance need to do is sit down with them and make it clear that your will no longer be giving them money on a regular basis. Try to give them suggestions for living the lifestyle they can afford, even if it’s a big step down. Maybe help them move into a more affordable place. Or offer to help them look into public assistance that they may qualify for.

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