Post # 1
I have been working to convince my FH to do a destination wedding (a cruise, to be more precise). I FINALLY (after weeks of fighting) got him to consider it. The contigencies are price points and timing (trying to do it on a weekend so that many people don’t have to take more than 2-3 days off). Our goal is to do a $500 cruise out of the east coast to the Bahamas or Bermuda for $500 or less (very do-able). We’d ask for NOTHING else (no bachelor/bachelorette party, no showers, no gifts, nothing) because at that point then the pricing would really add up. However, from what I am reading, and from my experience, that price point is about the same, if not less that what you’d spend for one day at a traditional wedding.
We mentioned it to my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law and they were excited – at first. They are now claiming that none of their family (out of state) will be able to come because it’ll be too expensive. In their words, “If we did a normal wedding, then they’d only have to pay for a flight” which is just plain WRONG. They are assuming that if we got married “traditionally” we’d do it near their house (nope, no wedding venues near there, so they’d have to get a hotel) and they are forgetting things like attire, gifts, etc. Everything I am reading says that a typical wedding guest would usually spend around $600-$700 – so a $500 cruise is, in my opinion, cheaper and you get a vacation out of it! (I say this because out of town guests would all be able to get free flights – Future Father-In-Law and a few of our cousins are pilots so we’d be able to spread some free buddy passes around, regardless of wedding length/location)
How can I get them to see that their style of thinking is a bit outdated? Eventually, I’m willing to cave to a normal wedding – but I also want to try and entertain this cruise idea right now because it’s what I want so badly (for many reasons). I’d love to get those I love on the same page so that we can all consider it together – if it doesn’t work out time/money-wise, then I’m willing to look for another venue/idea.
Post # 2
Your logic is flawed (people still need attire to attend a wedding on a cruise, and it won’t cost them just the cruise amount there will be other additional costs) and if you need to fight this hard for it, they clearly don’t want to and you need to put yourself in DH and Future In-Laws shoes. Don’t get all caught up in your dreams if its forsaking your family and guests.
Post # 3
you can’t make someone change their mind, especially if your position is incorrect. You have to decide if the “vision” is more important to you than the people are. You don’t have to change your dream wedding for them, but they don’t have to come if it’s too expensive or inconvenient.
By The Way, OP, pass travel is harder than ever to come by. Planes are full of revenue passengers and pass travelers get very lowest priority (even retired employees are higher in the pecking order than buddy passes). So I wouldn’t bank on being able to get them free flights. you’re also forgetting all the cruise add-one like drinks (a la carts or package), tips and excursions, and you’re assuming people actually want to take a vacation on a cruise.
Post # 4
either they’d have to pay for the flights for both weddings or neither…if you can get “free flights” wherever, then it would be almost free (minus a hotel stay for a night or two + attire) for a wedding in FI’s hometown or it would be crusie + attire + whatever else at the cruise. The cruise is in no way cheaper and I think you’re doing yourself a disservice by trying to fight that angle. If you want a cruise wedding then own it, people will come or not (you don’t have control over that). I’d also consider Zika, I bet a lot of people would turn down a Carribean cruise right now because of it.
That said, if it’s the wedding you want I think you should go with it regardless. I do think it’s a bit unfair to fight with your Fiance for weeks about it though, it’s his wedding as much as yours.
Post # 5
You need to do what you want. Don’t try to justify things. If people don’t come then you need to be ok with that.
Post # 6
Assuming that your guests all have that much money to spend on every wedding is just unrealistic. I can tell you for a fact that most people I know don’t spend nearly that much (more like $50-$250).
Post # 7
Why not have a regular wedding on shore followed by a honeymoon cruise for you and your new DH?
A cruise is a big commitment of time and money for many people. Not everyone enjoys being confined to a ship, and you wouldn’t have much time at either destination.
Post # 8
Yeah, personally I’m getting a little bit annoyed with the whole Destination Wedding thing. I used to get an invitation in the mail, pick a gift ($100), put on a nice dress, drive to the other side of town and donate 4-5 hours of my weekend to celebrate with my nearest and dearest. The end. Now every month, it seems someone is expecting me to give up an entire WEEKEND (usually losing Friday as well for travel) flying all over God’s creation and these trips are $500-$2500 or more!! I realize that these types of weddings are cheaper for the couple but the only reason they are reasonable is because the venues know you’re inviting people thereby pushing the costs onto the guests. I’ve started sending regrets and gift cards and some of the weddings I’d LOVE to have attended. I now have my SISTER and my DAUGHTER BOTH wanting Destination Wedding and I just won’t shell out for travel like that twice within a few months (X3 if I take my kids). The venues are beautiful and I totally get the “VISION” but what good is that if you turn around and nobody is there? Or you return home to a bunch of frowned up family members.
Post # 9
Even if all your math is correct it sounds like you would have to work hard to persuade people. Not what you want to be doing at this time. Noticed you said you had to fight with Fiance to get him on board. He doesn’t share your dream.
Post # 10
I have never spent $600-$700 to attend a wedding, ever. Honestly, I think you are being really selfish. If your Fiance was on board that would be one thing but if it tools weeks of fighting just to get him to consider it and it sounds like his family won’t be able to attend…honey you need to let this go. Start over with the planning with your Fiance and find a dream that suits BOTH of you. This wedding isn’t just about you.
Post # 11
Another price of the cruise I’m not sure you considered is the time people would have to take off work. Not everyone has paid vacation days they can take, so 2-3 says of not working can actually be money right from their pockets. By contrast, a traditional wedding, especially if thrown on a weekend, usually only requires travelling guests to take an afternoon (at most) off.
Post # 12
what weddings have you been too that cost over $500 as a guest thats more than quadruple what I spend (even including out of country weddings) and is what I pay for a weeks annual holiday in europe for the whole family
but I KNOW my friends arent that rich though cruises are not something we could not afford… maybe if youre use to cruises and have lots of spare cash but it certainly not ‘normal’ here and you have to accept just because YOU have that money and spend it doesnt mean your guests can
Post # 13
Do what you want as long as you are able to cheerfully accept declines.
Post # 14
You can’t convince people to pay for a trip they don’t want to take, and even if you could, why would you want a bunch of resentful people at your wedding?
Post # 15
If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. What can he do to make you hear him?