Hello all! My name’s Chelsea, and I’m new to the Bee, but I’m a long time creeper. I love weddings, and work for a wedding planning company part time and I love it. My man and I have been together for a long time, and have started to talk about getting married. I know he’s the one, and the fact we’re doing this together makes me even more happy- I’m not the type of girl who expeted a surprise proposal. This is going to be a VERY long explination, but as it’s my first post I guess I have to kind of introduce myself and my relationship.
Just a bit of background- I love all things flashy. I’m the kind of person who thinks an outfit isn’t finished without sparkle. I’m big on my jewlery and accesorries. I’ve made it very clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn’t be ok with a tiny ring- it’s not my style. My boyfriend agrees with me, and we’ve talked about the kind of ring I want. My job (and the Bee!) introduced me to moissanite. I’m very very interested in it. The look of a diamond, for less, with more sparkle! What could be better? I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want a diamond, I wanted a mossie. I even showed him the one I wanted.
And he laughed at me.
He thinks I’m kidding. He’s so proud of himself for “catching” me before I convinced him that I didn’t actually want a diamond. He says he can’t believe any woman would want anything but a diamond for her engagement ring. Even when I gave him my reasons (sparkle and price), showed him the rings on line, compared Mossie to diamond, and TONS of other things, he wasn’t convinced. We’re not well off by any means, I’m a student and he works full time as management at a department store. If I was to expect a diamond of the size I want, it would be a very long time till we’re engaged. Which for confusing visa reasons (i’m an international student, he’s an American), we can’t do. And he won’t consider us “engaged” until there’s a ring on my finger.
So my two options really are to get a smaller diamond ring which would look weird in my eyes next to all the rest of my jewelry, or to try and convince him I don’t want or need a diamond. My question is, how did you ladies who don’t have a diamond get your guy to believe you that it’s not what you wanted?
Welcome to the Bee!!! Sorry, but I have a diamond not a moissy, but have a few suggestions. Maybe show him some pics from her/videos of moissys and see if he can tell. Or let him go on their website and see what a huge variety they have. Maybe send him some articles about them. Or, let him give you the smaller ring for now, so you don’t have to wait for the engagement itself, and then either upgrade later iwth the moissy or buy a moissy RHR or necklace or something to still have your everyday bling.
LOL, I understand!! I was in the ‘I don’t want a ring, period’ camp for a lot of reasons…one of them was because I didn’t want a small ring. I’d rather not have one. I have nothing against small rings on other people, I think they’re beautiful, but I already have diamond rings so I didn’t see the need to spend THOUSANDS on another one when we want to buy a house, he needs a new car, I want a new car, etc. My Fiance said more than once ‘Well, we can’t plan a wedding until I can buy you a nice ring’. It was a cycle. I showed him Moissy’s, and Asha’s, and explained that if he NEEDED to buy me a ring I didn’t want, to please buy a diamond alternative that would save him money. I even picked a few I liked. All the while telling him ‘No ring needed’. When I finally showed him my top choices, listing prices, and finding their twins in diamonds and he realized how much money they were, he started listening.
Finally, I don’t know HOW, but it all sunk in. He asked me if I’d be truly happy being engaged with no ring, and I said yes. He proposed the very next morning. I was happier than a clam to announce our engagement, sans ring, and tell the world how happy we were. He second guessed his ring decision, a long story later we finally agreed on a CZ and sterling silver ring to hold me (him) over. I’ll wear it until we get married, and then probably continue to wear it with the band. No one but close friends, family and the bee know (because no one ever asks…who knows what they think in their minds?). I never say it’s a diamond, because it isn’t, but I never say what it is either. Someday, when we have the house and the cars and all of that and still have money leftover (hahaha) he can buy me a diamond. Or he can buy me a more expensive CZ set in a better metal.
I have a moissanite e-ring, and it wasn’t that difficult to explain to/convince my Fiance that it’s what I really wanted. He was very receptive about it. I never wanted a diamond (idk why, I just didn’t), but we actually almost went with CZ because we could get the size I wanted for next to nothing. But I changed my mind so moissanite at the last minute because I really wanted a forever ring that wouldn’t need to be replaced when the stone clouded. I just explained to him how moissanite came to be, what it is, and how it’s way less expensive than diamonds, yet is just as tough and will last forever and he was immediately onboard. I think what really sealed it for us that we were going with moissanite was sitting down and looking at moissanite rings online together. Just try to explain to him that it’s what you really want and that you won’t be totally happy with a smaller diamond. I think that’s understandable, and I’m sure he’ll come around.
Edit: I have videos of my ring, too. If you’d like to see them.
The way I “convinced” my SO that I don’t *NEED* a diamond was by showing him all the ring porn in the world. I did my research on moissy and then kinda joked around with him showing him comparison pics. Having him guess which was the diamond, moissy, asha eTC. With an untrained eye, it really is hard to tell the difference. He joked back with me about getting one. I told him that it honestly didn’t matter what was on my finger and all that mattered is him asking me to be his wife.
Of course I was willing to “compromise” for a smaller diamond, just to get the ring and the engagement sooner. I did a lot of research on what my DREAM diamond ring would look like and HOW MUCH it would cost. 10-20 thousand dollars JUST for a 1.5-2carat diamond stone of good quality! In a million years we wouldn’t be able to save for something like that. So….even though it’s not a diamond….I still really LOVE the moissanite stone. For me, its sparkly, it has fire and depth, it’s really beautiful! Just as a diamond is, or a sapphire or any other pretty stone. So for me, I can get my DREAM ring for an extremely affordable price. Some people like it, some people don’t. I also like that it is conflict free. Don’t get me wrong, I love diamonds!! I just feel like this is the right choice for me. ^^^Say all of that to your SO lol 🙂 Good lucK!!
I’m not sure how long you’ve been showing him, but I do think guys take longer to wrap their heads around an idea of alternatives. They grow up thinking “Gotta buy my woman a diamond.” It’s brainwashed into them. They can’t help it. 😉 lol.
I would keep reiterating it, keep showing pictures, ONLY look at pictures of the Moissy’s you like in front of him, show him the price comparison (which if it’s a large stone, he’ll be like o_o) Lol.
Also I agree with PPs – show him all the Moissy love threads on here! I have an Asha myself so I’m not much help on that particular aspect, but it’s an alternative and I’m SUPER happy with it. If that helps. 🙂
I feel like we are two in the same! I too would like a bigger ring, not saying I would want some huge diamond that just looks gaudy, but I just personally want a decent size ring! Then I came to the boards and found out about all of the other types of options, like moissinite. And I would be completely happy with one!!!
If he himself feels like a diamond is what he wants to get you, maybe you can compromise. Tell him instead of having to postpone your engangment for a long time, get the moissinite ring that you want, and then down the road when you are better off, consider a diamond upgrade.
I sat down with my Fiance and had a heart to heart. i told him sure evey girl wants a huge sparkly diamond but for financial reasons it was not in the plan (im in school we have a 3 yr old just bought a house ect) I told him my answer wasnt going to change weather he got me a real diamond or “fake”, I will love my ring because of what it means, that he loves me and wants to be with me for the reast of our lives. I explained to him that i would rather have a “fake” ring than a real diamond, i wasnt marrying him for a big real rock i was gonna marry him because i loved him. what we paid for my one caret ring which is totally perfect and noone could tell the difference i could have barely otten 1/8th of a carat. and the best part is that noone knows its not real and i love it and we are getting married eventually lol i have to finish school first lol! this way we can afford doing the stuff we want to and the life style we live and not break the bank. Just be honest tell him the reasons you would prefer it and eventually he will listen.
I’m definetly gonna try to make it very clear to him what I want. He knows that I want a big ring, and I really like the idea of showing him the ring I want in diamond vs mossiy and just letting the sticker shock set in lol.
And I will show him the videos! thank you so much guys =)
@cirk: Honestly, you probably cannot if HE wants you to have one. I tried to convince Darling Husband that I didnt want a diamond but he kept saying that I might regret that and wish that I had one. I honestly didnt think I wanted one but am really glad that he got me one 😀
If you’re going with moissy I also think it helps to not use the word “fake”. It’s a proper gemstone just like sapphire or rubies. It’s not a fake diamond its a real moissanite. Ask him how he would feel if you asked for a sapphire ring like Princess Kate has. Would he still laugh? Explain that Moissanite is the GEMSTONE that you have fallen in love with. I’m a bling girl too and I LOVE that it had double refraction. TWICE the sparkles? Move aside diamonds.
Remind him who YOU are. A girl that loves super sparkle and big rocks while still being smart about your wallet. Tell him how moissanite fits YOUR specific desires. and convince him that you want a moissy MORE than a diamond. That’s it’s not a compromise but your preference.