(Closed) How to cope with a break up ? So confused

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
47255 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ashleigh Brown :  You ended things on Sunday -5 days ago. No one in their right mind would be feeling good 5 days after a breakup. Give yourself time to heal and to get to know yourself.

Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

Ashleigh Brown :  

You can admit that he’s not the best boyfriend. Also, nobody snaps like that unless they already aren’t happy. So him freaking out is already an indication that he wanted to leave but didn’t want to be the one to do it. I would move forward, he accepted it so quickly because he wanted to split up.

The best advice I have is delete him off social media, and move forward. Think about yourself and work on you’re own personal growth.

Post # 4
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Break ups suck! There is no way around it.  It has only been 5 days, just a little over 100 hours.  Don’t be so hard on yourself that you are not over a 3 year relationship, no matter how sucky or great in only 5 days.  This is where you lean on your support system of family and friends comes into play.  The cliche of eating ice cream and sappy movies comes to mind.  It’s ok to be sad, but do not engage in any more contact.  Once you get past the “ice cream” stage, start looking to better yourself.  Book a trip since travel is so important, dive into your career and maybe explore new opportunities within it.  Learn to love life without him.  The key word is “learn”, learning takes time and it is not always easy but is always worth it.

Post # 5
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Stop trying to contact him. Seriously, it’s the best thing that you can do for yourself. Block him on social media so you can’t see anything he posts. Trust me, you’ll snap out of the fog with time. Distract yourself in the meantime, get a hobby, hang out with friends more, take a class, find a show to binge, whatever, just don’t sit around and wallow in self pity. I look at it like when you have a physical wound, you put a bandage on it and let it heal, you don’t keep picking at it. The distactions are the bandage and time will heal the wound, just don’t pick at it. 

 

Post # 6
Member
6836 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Sounds like you did the right thing.

Try and relax. This JUST HAPPENED so of course you aren’t over it and ready to move on yet! The only thing you can do is give it time. Stop trying to reach out to him. Just cut all contact and block him (including on social media). 

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It’s so new! Don’t worry, time heals things and you’re better off. Someone who doesn’t value you is not worth it. You will find someone who does appreciate you (in time) after you heal and get to just be you. Do things for yourself, go travel! But please- please cut ties with him. He doesn’t sound like he’d be a good friend to have anyway…

Post # 8
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

Breakups suck, and since this sounds like your first breakup from a long-term relationship — which you’ve been in since age 17, all of your adult life — I can see why it would be especially hard. Let yourself grieve. It’s natural and normal. Be heartbroken. Cut contact with him, talk to your friends and family and find support with other communities (like here!), and give yourself time to heal. No need to rush it – you have PLENTY of time to “move on”, but for right now, all you need to do is let yourself have feelings and take care of yourself. Breaking up is the best possible thing in this scenario, and you are right to recognize that and act on it. Now be kind to yourself. 

Post # 9
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would take this breakup as a blessing! You are now in your 20s and able to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, and really get to know yourself. Treat yo self girl, and please go no contact with him.

Post # 10
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You’re 20! Go do something fun :o)

You guys are so young, and have years to figure things out. I’d let the nature of this breakup speak for itself.

But before you do that, date yourself. Go have stupid drunk nights with your friends. Take a cooking class, join a book/fitness/coffee club. You’ll never get that time back.

After I broke up with an ex, I did a lot of soul searching. I moved across the country for starters, went to Vegas A LOT, met a ton of new people, even traveled by myself. It was a real growing period for me, and it allowed me to figure out what made me happy. When I moved back closer to home, I was ready to meet someone. So I actively looked and dated. Met Fiance just a few months later and the rest is history!

But seriously, you’re 20. Go have an adventure!

Post # 11
Member
5159 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Ashleigh Brown :  “I do love him, but I want to be with someone who appreciates me and values me and is thoughtful – the amount of times he forgets things about us is ridiculous.

Honestly, from what you describe, this was not a very satisfying/fulfilling relationship and I think in time you will realize even though you felt “attached” it was not healthy and really missing a LOT. You should never have to fight for someone to appreciate you, and you certainly should not be with someone thinking that you want them to change. 

Still, it takes TIME to heal even after breaking off an unhealthy relationship. Go no contact with him (block him, don’t stalk him on social media, etc) and give it time. You are SOOOO young, and I mean that not as an insult but as encouragement and excitement for you in that you did not tie yourself to this man for any longer than you did. Go on an adventure and have fun without worrying about seriously dating anyone for a while. Travel, move somewhere new, start a new hobby, whatever strikes your fancy. 

 

Post # 12
Member
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ok, where to even begin here?

First, you got together when you weren’t even 18.  It sounds like you aren’t from the US so I’m not sure what the official age of adulthood is, but no 24 year old in their right mind would want to start dating a 17 year old.  Some people may disagree with that, but being a teenager and being 24 are two VERY different things.

Second, being alone is OK.  It truly is.  In fact, it’s fantastic.  Being alone is infinitely — and I mean INFINITELY — better than being with the wrong person who doesn’t make you happy and doesn’t raise you up.  It doesn’t sound like he was really the best guy for you…and it’s ok to let that go.  I know you’re scared, but do yourself a HUGE favor and spend time actually alone.  Take a couple months to be single and to become comfortable with you…not you in a relationship but become comfortable with who YOU are.

Finally, keep yourself busy and be kind to yourself.  Go out with friends, start new hobbies, read new books…whatever makes you happy, do just that.  You will get over this, it will just take time.  Time that you have.

Post # 13
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

In about 6 months when you look back on this relationship, you are going to be so happy you broke up with him. 

Post # 14
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I recommend reading ‘It’s called a breakup because it’s broken’. It really helped me when I was younger- lots of great advice and it gets you thinking about things in a different way.

Post # 15
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Good for you! I am so impressed that you cut it off. You deseve so much better. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting now, but it will all be worth it when you meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated!

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