Post # 1
Many people don’t get pregnant the first time they try…or even the 6th, 10th, etc..
I am JUST starting. This is my first month. I am a few days away from AF. (aunt flow)
I am asking for advice for those who are further along in the journey.
I feel like I am going to just dread my period every month and I will cry when it comes.
Is there any advice for how to cope with this process? Should I convinve myself that it will take a long time and then I will not be surprised when AF comes?
People who are not TTC tell me to relax and enjoy it, BUT I am sure that all you TTC ladies know that’s not really how it works. Atleast for me, it’s all I think about and I can just tell that if it takes time, every month I will cry when AF arrives. Every month I will hope, and then get dissapointed.
I could love some advice on how to “TRY” to relax and enjoy the journey. Or do we all just cry and hate AF, and that’s jsut how it is? 🙂
Post # 3
Full disclosure- I’m not and never have TTC. But, as an academic on the job market, I am all too familiar with hoping for good news but getting bad most of the time. I think the best thing you can do is assume the worst even as you hope for the best. In other words, don’t even wonder if your period will come – assume that it will. Assume that it will take at least 6 months. That’s a normal range, and that way you can stop obsessing, at least at the beginning.
Post # 4
Could you schedule something fun to do during your period? Then it’s like there’s at least something enjoyable, even if it’s not what you wanted? But like mightywombat said, I’d just plan on it taking 6 months so you aren’t continually disappointed it didn’t happen immediately for you. That’s just reality for most people. Hoping for the unrealistic/minority chance is just setting yourself up for disappointment!
I vote “Think logical!”
Post # 5
I hear ya!
I am on cycle 1 of TTC as well. And AF just arrived for her monthly visit. She is not welcomed!
So, yes, I’m disappointed because we want to be pregnant. But on the flip side it’s only cycle 1. And this means more fun.
We’ll talk again in 4-6 months if I’m still not pregnant.
Post # 6
no advice either- im curious to hear what others have done who have gone through it too! I would just say not to get your hopes up, thats how i am looking at it. I am be cautiously careful about my expectations of how long it will take. i keep telling my hubby that it might eaisly take a year or longer so that we both dont get our hopes up (but i know its gonna be hard waiting every month!) i hope you conceive fast! and i have no idea how people can relax when trying to concieve! LOL but thatrs just me.
Post # 7
I’m not going to lie, it gets harder the longer you try. I cry when AF comes and throw myself a little pity party with some wine and the next day I feel a little bit better. My piece of advice is to just let the emotions out. If you feel like crying then cry! TTC is a very emotional process, especially when it isn’t happening right away.
Post # 8
@spraguebride: About to come off cycle #5 of TTC, and AF should be arriving within the next 5 days or so. I’m not going to lie that it’s starting to become frustrating. I’m charting, and my temp isn’t really helping me out. It’s all over the place, and when Fertlity Friend tells me I’m ovulating, we’ve tried the day before, day of and day after only for AF to arrive that month.
We’re trying to make it as fun as possible. We never used to “have fun” as much as we are now…so that’s the awesome part about TTC, but it is still disappointing to see AF come every month so far. It’s amazing how long we’ve all tried to prevent pregnancy until now when we’re trying to have a baby!
My best advice is to focus on other things besides TTC. I just signed up for a 10 mile run in May. I want to focus on other things to try not to worry as much about why we aren’t conceiving until we reach the 1 year mark (the time where they usually are able to see you for infertility treatments).
Post # 9
I agree with @sweetkate – it gets harder. But, it’s ok to let yourself feel a little sad/upset/pissed off/whatever when AF shows up. Give yourself about a day to wallow, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Just know that it’s ok to feel crappy about it. And drink some wine. Wine always helps!
Post # 10
I cried when I got AF this month. “Everything Sucks” period hormones don’t help at all. We haven’t been trying very long (going into our 3rd cycle), and rationally I know how long it can take to get pregnant.
But even still, I was disappointed. And worse, I had to look at the disappointment in my husband’s eyes when I told him it was a no-go. I just had to remind us both that we’re young, healthy, and as far as we know, there are no impediments to us getting pregnant besides the timing not being spot-on.
My two cents on it? I think it’s okay and normal to be a little disappointed, as long as you don’t spend your whole period moping and sad about it. Shake it off, remind yourself that it takes most healthy couples at least 6 months to conceive, and enjoy the fact that you get an extra month of uninterrupted sexy time with your SO.
Post # 11
Every month will be different. For me, I knew it would take some time based on how long it took both my mom and my sister to conceive so the first few months I was prepared for. Around the 4th month I started getting mad but more at the fact that during that time everyone around me seemed to be announcing pregnancies, including my sister and stepsister. Some months I was okay and didn’t cry but some months you need to take the time to mope and be unhappy about it for awhile. I think it was month 7 when I was late enough to truly get my hopes up (about 4 to 5 days) and then when AF came I couldn’t take it. Darling Husband asked what he could do and I asked for the nursery bedding I had my eye on, which he promptly went out to get for me. Then I was settled for a few more months and then we finally conceived just shy of a year. I took each month as it came and every time I took a HPT I expected a negative and tried not to pin too many hopes on it that month. Some months I was successful, some months not so much. When I finally got that positive, it was amazing. Just make sure you have the support from Darling Husband that you need and just take one month at a time.
Post # 12
We’re on month 8 of TTC and it’s hard, I won’t lie. I didn’t expect anything month 1 or 2, and so when it didn’t happen I wasn’t bothered much – and I was having extra fun with my Darling Husband. Month 3 we got a BFP only to have AF show up several days later. Was it a false positive or a “chemical pregnancy,” I don’t know, but I was very upset. Then I thought, we’ll definitely get pregnant soon, and now I’m in the TWW for cycle 8. I was using OPK for a while, but I’ve given up for now. I think I know when I’m ovulating and I was getting tired of timing everything to pee on a stick at the right time. We’ve taken a few month where we just played it casual – didn’t try so hard. No nothing happened, but as least I wasn’t expecting so much, so that calmed me down a bit. This month we really tried and I’m going to be very upset when/if it doesn’t happen. My best advice is to just assume that nothing will happen for the first six months. If it does then great, if not then that’s ok too. If nothing happens this month though I think I’m going to go chat with my doctor. Remember, you can always get support from us here. Good luck!
Post # 13
This is month 11 for us and it is ok to cry and be emotional. It is hard not to think about, especially in those awful 2 week waits. For myself, I just usually try to give myself a day to be emotional and then find something fun to do the next day that I would not be able to do while pregnant such as wine parties etc. It helps me get through the week and look forward to trying again. But I won’t lie, it does get harder and harder each month that passes and each announcement of another pregnancy just eats at you a little more. But it is all in due time…:)
Post # 14
Not sure if this will help, but my RE told me that for the average couple, they only have a 30% of getting pregnant each cycle…
Post # 15
I just wanted to say that this thread has helped me a little now too! I was a little depressed b/c we’re at cycle 5 with nothing still, and I’m finally realizing that I’m not alone. It seems that everywhere I turn, someone new is pregnant, and it’s definitely a downer for me even though I’m happy for that couple.
I just wanted to say thanks to you girls for sharing your stories too. It’s very comforting to know that we’re all in this together.
Post # 16
@2peasinapod I think one hard part is that you are not sure what you are “allowed” to feel. Some people make me (not on purpose) feel so silly for thinking about it so much. I know that there is only like 20% each month…but just because I KNOW that…doesn’t mean that I am able to stop myself from hoping. Especially when you look on WB and it seems like most women who got married when I did….are pregnant or already given birth. I also have a lot of pregnant friends. I think it’s good to just know that “its OK to feel upset and depressed” We are not silly….I can’t think of anything bigger than becoming a parent, so it makes sence that we have a lot of emotions about this…even emotions that we didn’t expect or “know better” than to have.
To all the other great responses, I think you are right that I should try to assume that it will not happen for 6 months. I have read and keep saying to my husband “I know there is only a 20% change each month”, but that is also my brain and not my heart talking and it’s like I am trying to convince myself to not get my hopes up. I also think I am so scared that I will have a long road and I can’t imagine how hard it must be when 6months…turn into 11, etc..
I am a total over-thinker…and I wish I could just relax about this. But I have always wanted to be a mom and it’s so exciting to be TTC, that it’s hard to just relax about it.
I agree that the best advice is 2 fold: allow yourself to feel what you feel. beating yourself up and/or feeling silly just makes it worse
AND….expect it to take some time. I can’t lie…I WILL hope each month, but i have done a lot of reading and I know that it doesn’t often happen the first time or even the 4th. It’s just a hard balance: TRYING to concieve means you are trying on purpose but also trying to be realistic.
I feel like a kid on Christmas eve waiting for the best Christmas gift ever….but the hard part is I don’t know how LONG Christmas Eve will last. I am ready to wake up Christmas morning to find that baby under the tree….I mean in my belly 🙂