How to cope with AF while TTC

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Full disclosure- I’m not and never have TTC.  But, as an academic on the job market, I am all too familiar with hoping for good news but getting bad most of the time. I think the best thing you can do is assume the worst even as you hope for the best. In other words, don’t even wonder if your period will come – assume that it will.  Assume that it will take at least 6 months. That’s a normal range, and that way you can stop obsessing, at least at the beginning.

Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Could you schedule something fun to do during your period? Then it’s like there’s at least something enjoyable, even if it’s not what you wanted? But like mightywombat said, I’d just plan on it taking 6 months so you aren’t continually disappointed it didn’t happen immediately for you. That’s just reality for most people. Hoping for the unrealistic/minority chance is just setting yourself up for disappointment!

I vote “Think logical!”

Post # 5
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@spraguebride:

I hear ya!

I am on cycle 1 of TTC as well. And AF just arrived for her monthly visit. She is not welcomed!

So, yes, I’m disappointed because we want to be pregnant. But on the flip side it’s only cycle 1. And this means more fun. Wink

We’ll talk again in 4-6 months if I’m still not pregnant.

Post # 6
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

no advice either- im curious to hear what others have done who have gone through it too! I would just say not to get your hopes up, thats how i am looking at it. I am be cautiously careful about my expectations of how long it will take. i keep telling my hubby that it might eaisly take a year or longer so that we both dont get our hopes up (but i know its gonna be hard waiting every month!)  i hope you conceive fast! and i have no idea how people can relax when trying to concieve! LOL but thatrs just me.

Post # 7
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m not going to lie, it gets harder the longer you try. I cry when AF comes and throw myself a little pity party with some wine and the next day I feel a little bit better. My piece of advice is to just let the emotions out. If you feel like crying then cry! TTC is a very emotional process, especially when it isn’t happening right away.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@spraguebride: About to come off cycle #5 of TTC, and AF should be arriving within the next 5 days or so. I’m not going to lie that it’s starting to become frustrating. I’m charting, and my temp isn’t really helping me out. It’s all over the place, and when Fertlity Friend tells me I’m ovulating, we’ve tried the day before, day of and day after only for AF to arrive that month.

We’re trying to make it as fun as possible. We never used to “have fun” as much as we are now…so that’s the awesome part about TTC, but it is still disappointing to see AF come every month so far. It’s amazing how long we’ve all tried to prevent pregnancy until now when we’re trying to have a baby!

My best advice is to focus on other things besides TTC. I just signed up for a 10 mile run in May. I want to focus on other things to try not to worry as much about why we aren’t conceiving until we reach the 1 year mark (the time where they usually are able to see you for infertility treatments).

Post # 9
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with @sweetkate – it gets harder.  But, it’s ok to let yourself feel a little sad/upset/pissed off/whatever when AF shows up.  Give yourself about a day to wallow, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.  Just know that it’s ok to feel crappy about it.  And drink some wine.  Wine always helps! Smile

Post # 10
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I cried when I got AF this month. “Everything Sucks” period hormones don’t help at all. We haven’t been trying very long (going into our 3rd cycle), and rationally I know how long it can take to get pregnant. 

But even still, I was disappointed. And worse, I had to look at the disappointment in my husband’s eyes when I told him it was a no-go. I just had to remind us both that we’re young, healthy, and as far as we know, there are no impediments to us getting pregnant besides the timing not being spot-on. 

My two cents on it? I think it’s okay and normal to be a little disappointed, as long as you don’t spend your whole period moping and sad about it. Shake it off, remind yourself that it takes most healthy couples at least 6 months to conceive, and enjoy the fact that you get an extra month of uninterrupted sexy time with your SO.

Post # 11
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Every month will be different.  For me, I knew it would take some time based on how long it took both my mom and my sister to conceive so the first few months I was prepared for.  Around the 4th month I started getting mad but more at the fact that during that time everyone around me seemed to be announcing pregnancies, including my sister and stepsister.  Some months I was okay and didn’t cry but some months you need to take the time to mope and be unhappy about it for awhile.  I think it was month 7 when I was late enough to truly get my hopes up (about 4 to 5 days) and then when AF came I couldn’t take it.  Darling Husband asked what he could do and I asked for the nursery bedding I had my eye on, which he promptly went out to get for me.  Then I was settled for a few more months and then we finally conceived just shy of a year.  I took each month as it came and every time I took a HPT I expected a negative and tried not to pin too many hopes on it that month.  Some months I was successful, some months not so much.  When I finally got that positive, it was amazing.  Just make sure you have the support from Darling Husband that you need and just take one month at a time.

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

We’re on month 8 of TTC and it’s hard, I won’t lie. I didn’t expect anything month 1 or 2, and so when it didn’t happen I wasn’t bothered much – and I was having extra fun with my Darling Husband. Month 3 we got a BFP only to have AF show up several days later. Was it a false positive or a “chemical pregnancy,” I don’t know, but I was very upset. Then I thought, we’ll definitely get pregnant soon, and now I’m in the TWW for cycle 8. I was using OPK for a while, but I’ve given up for now. I think I know when I’m ovulating and I was getting tired of timing everything to pee on a stick at the right time. We’ve taken a few month where we just played it casual – didn’t try so hard. No nothing happened, but as least I wasn’t expecting so much, so that calmed me down a bit. This month we really tried and I’m going to be very upset when/if it doesn’t happen. My best advice is to just assume that nothing will happen for the first six months. If it does then great, if not then that’s ok too. If nothing happens this month though I think I’m going to go chat with my doctor. Remember, you can always get support from us here. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This is month 11 for us and it is ok to cry and be emotional. It is hard not to think about, especially in those awful 2 week waits. For myself, I just usually try to give myself a day to be emotional and then find something fun to do the next day that I would not be able to do while pregnant such as wine parties etc. It helps me get through the week and look forward to trying again. But I won’t lie, it does get harder and harder each month that passes and each announcement of another pregnancy just eats at you a little more. But it is all in due time…:)

Post # 14
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Not sure if this will help, but my RE told me that for the average couple, they only have a 30% of getting pregnant each cycle…

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I just wanted to say that this thread has helped me a little now too! I was a little depressed b/c we’re at cycle 5 with nothing still, and I’m finally realizing that I’m not alone. It seems that everywhere I turn, someone new is pregnant, and it’s definitely a downer for me even though I’m happy for that couple.

I just wanted to say thanks to you girls for sharing your stories too. It’s very comforting to know that we’re all in this together.

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