@AnneTossy: I’m so sorry you lost your daddy. Especially right before this special time in your life. I lost my daddy last Sept–two weeks after I got engaged. And no lie, October and November were VERY dark times for me. And people were always asking me about the wedding plans and if I was excited and I was like, well, right now I hurt too much to even deal with wedding plans.
Of course, the pain is immense!!!!! But like another poster said, if you feel like crying, cry! It helps to get it out, even though there were times when I thought I would never *stop* crying. Share with other family members how you are feeling, if you are emotionally close to them. They won’t understand the pain of losing a daddy right before your big day, but they understand–to some extent–your loss, and the special person your dad was with all his unique characteristics.
Also, grief affects you in ways that seem totally unrelated. For example, after my mother died, I remember crying and being depressed and exhausted for about a month, and then life picked up again–but she’d had cancer for 6 years and we finally had closure on the cancer part–there was nothing left to be afraid of. She was gone. In some ways it was a relief. When my dad died, I thought I was truly going to lose my mind. I wanted to litterally pull my hair out from grief. I remember pacing back and forth in tears, wishing desperately there was some way i could stop existing, thereby stopping the pain, but it was not a suicidal wish–I just wanted a break from the hurt. I would also just get explosively angry at things I don’t usually get angry at. It made me feel better to break things. And that was ok, because I *was* angry! Angry my parents were both gone, that neither would be there for my wedding. I still am…intensely sad that they won’t be there. And I feel like nobody will miss them but me. I mean, my FI’s family never got the chance to meet them, and the feeling I get when I’m around them and try to share about my parents is that FI’s family didn’t know them, therefore they never existed. That really makes me angry too.
But anyway, back to the point: the feelings you feel about your dad are valid, and you will feel loss. Find *several* good/wise friends you can talk to who will allow you to share your grief. I have one GREAT girlfriend who knew my parents who I could call up and just cry to. She was so supportive. Other people, though, didn’t know what to say and actually wanted to distance themselves–i.e. my Fiance. His initial reaction when I started to get emotional was to distance himself because he knew he would have to face that with his own parents eventually and didn’t want to go through my pain too. Selfish, sure…but he’s a guy. And eventually, he got a lot better at listening and being there for me.
The best thing I did was join a greif support group. They helped me understand what was going on, and it was a safe place I could talk and share my feelings and no one tried to make me feel like my feelings of loss were unimportant.
Hope that helped some, through all the rambling. I’m so sorry…so very, very sorry. Sending hugs…
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