Post # 16
After reading your post, I was thinking you’re likely from Europe (or outside the US) and I was correct after glancing at your location. I’m from the US and some will not differentiate the civil vs the church (I’m not here to argue with anyone so don’t tell me otherwise). But my SO is European and after being exposed to his friends and attending numerous weddings in his country , I get what you mean when you say the church wedding is considered as the “real deal”. ALL of my SO’s friends refer to the church wedding date as their anniversary and not the civil one (the day they went to the government office to sign papers).
Post # 17
I see this is important “But we are meant to consider the church wedding as the real deal” but no matter how you ‘consider’ it , you are already legally married. However , you say that you are abstaining from consummation until the church ceremony so I would think you could get your marriage l anulled on those grounds if you want to ?
I don’t know if there is a time limit on these things, if not , then you don’t really need to do anything but wait and see how the therapy etc goes . If there is a time limit then , obviously you have to make a decision sooner . I think legal advice asap is in order.
Meanwhile , don’t feel you have to share details or explain yourselves to anybody unless you really , really want them to know. Practice some anodyne, off putting phrases to answer any intrusive questions .
Post # 18
elderbee : thanks for advice. I can always trust you to be really honest. Thanks to everyone else too. I’m hurting a lot. Seeing my therapist later.
Post # 19
Thank you , what a kind response and from someone who is in such a hard place too.
Keep us in the loop, here is anonymous and a good place to practice and sound out ideas .
Thinking of you .
Post # 20
elderbee : i saw my therapist yesterday. She’s suggested that I should try to get back into my normal routines asap. We are legally married but the emphasis was/is/will be the church wedding since we didn’t exchange rings and all then. We have informed everyone that it is postponed. Just need to inform my gaslighting mother. Don’t know what to expect from her really. Just hoping she won’t blame me for it. I’m already in a lot of pain. Issues with my SO do come from a very difficult childhood I had.