How to cope with postponement of wedding?

posted 10 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
4409 posts
Honey bee

After reading your post, I was thinking you’re likely from Europe (or outside the US) and I was correct after glancing at your location. I’m from the US and some will not differentiate the civil vs the church (I’m not here to argue with anyone so don’t tell me otherwise). But my SO is European and after being exposed to his friends and attending numerous weddings in his country , I get what you mean when you say the church wedding is considered as the “real deal”. ALL of my SO’s friends refer to the church wedding date as their anniversary and not the civil one (the day they went to the government office to sign papers). 

Post # 17
8794 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

KatzeB :  


I see this is important But we are meant to consider the church wedding as the real deal”  but no matter how you ‘consider’ it , you are already legally married.  However , you say that you are abstaining from consummation until the church   ceremony so I would  think you could get your marriage  l  anulled on those grounds if you want to ? 

I don’t know   if there is a time limit  on these things, if not , then you don’t   really need to do anything  but wait and see how  the therapy etc goes . If there is a time  limit then , obviously  you have to make a decision sooner . I think legal advice asap  is in order.

Meanwhile ,  don’t feel you have to share details or explain yourselves  to  anybody unless you really , really want them to know.  Practice some  anodyne, off putting phrases to answer any intrusive questions . 

Post # 19
8794 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

KatzeB :  

Thank you , what a kind response and from someone  who is in such a hard place too.

Keep us in the loop, here is anonymous and a good place to practice and  sound  out ideas .

Thinking of you .  

Post # 21
16 posts
  • Wedding: April 2008

Sorry. Good luck 👍🏼

Post # 24
5857 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

KatzeB :  Are you sure they aren’t just still making a trip out of the weekend because they have paid to come?  You informed them the wedding was off but it was quite last minute and that doesn’t mean they can get a refund when they cancel hotel or travel plans. It doesn’t sound like anyone is trying to force a celebration to happen, rather just get the most from their booking. 

If his mom is trying to plan something then obviously if you and your fiance are in agreement then you don’t have to see them but are you sure you aren’t just avoiding them to avoid awkwardness? It is understandable but you will at some point need to get over the first time seeing them. 

Since these family members have already made plans to visit during this particular weekend it makes sense that his mom will be tied up when you wanted to spend a few days with them. 

Post # 25
6832 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

KatzeB :  It sounds like they just turned this trip into more a family reunion, which is understandable since they had probably all already paid for flights/hotels/etc. Is there a reason your SO doesn’t want to see his relatives? It doesn’t have to be anything related to a wedding. I’m sure if his relatives don’t live close by they just would like to spend time with him since they’ll be here anyway. 

Post # 26
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

KatzeB :  My Brother-In-Law called off his wedding a week prior, so the family still traveled out and used it as sort of a family reunion since they’d already booked everything and they don’t all get together very often. My Brother-In-Law of course felt a little uncomfortable, but everyone was respectful and didn’t pry for details of what happened.

I honestly think it would be a bit rude for you guys to completely avoid them…

Post # 28
25 posts
  • Wedding: April 2019

KatzeB :  Postponed here!! Things were off for a while and he initiated postponing. I was horrified. We took some time apart and when we reunited we went to a therapist. I agreed to not discuss the dates or lay on pressure in general for the most part and wait for it to come naturally. Less than a week into my ‘silence’ he took me to a nice dinner and announced that he picked a date and wanted to be active in the planning. We MAJORLY downsized the wedding and are getting married in two weeks. He was active in all of the details and says every night how excited he is. Hopefully nothing crazy happens in the next two weeks, but I do think there can be a happy ending. Wishing you lots of luck!!

Post # 30
1114 posts
Bumble bee

KatzeB :  Glad you postponed your wedding. Family will understand. It’s not your fault they didn’t cancel their trips, unless it was nonrefundable. 

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