Post # 1
Like many others, I’ve been sifting through postings looking for some advice on/solace in waiting for the big proposal. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I (quite literally) have been waiting for that day for my entire life. I used to make my barbie dolls get married. I never thought it was a big thing – to get engaged – if you know, you know, right? I think that the truly lucky girls are the ones who don’t have much of a chance to ponder when the proposal is coming, it just comes.
So, here’s the story in brief – we’ve been together for 2.5 years, and have been in a close loving relationship for the entire time. We’ve made it through employment with a terrible boss, layoffs in a terrible economy, a long-distance relationship, etc., etc. Although we have only shared an address for about 4 months, we have been all but living together for 2 + years. I called my apartment an expensive storage unit! We’re forging a fantastic future, but are not engaged. We’ve talked about it and went ring shopping – getting engaged was my stipulation before he moved to Baltimore to be with me.
Over Thanksgiving we took a Bahamian cruise and I thought with absolute certainty it was coming then – but returned without a ring. I can see how it doesn’t matter that commitment comes in more forms than the public ring-wearing marriage ceremony kind, and am certain my SO would agree with another posting from a guy’s perspective that I should just trust that he will do it and leave him alone to do so becaue he thinks I want to be surprised. I do, but I don’t want to wait forever. Things are great with us. I am getting pretty anxious because I don’t want him to get comfortable and to me that means not letting him forget about it so of course I’ve brought it up. From what I am reading, that is the worst thing to do.
I’m the type that grabs life by the horns when I know what I want. Why wait? If you know, you know, right? He was married once before and did tI’m trying to get out of the engagement frame of mind and into something else, but the other main thing on my table is my best friend’s wedding in July of 2011. It is like a double edged sword to help plan hers when I really want to be planning mine. I’ve gotten the “your husband” thing from everywhere, including his sister-in-law recently. I just smile and nod – but it all adds up to me just hanging here and waiting. I’ve read advice to just “do something else for about 6 months or so”. Is that really what it takes? 6 months seems like an eternity on top of what I already chalk up to as waiting. On top of my friend’s wedding, it seems like engagements and weddings and babies everywhere, mostly to friends now a year or two younger than me. Is feeling like you are waiting for a proposal a negative sign? Ladies have you felt this way? This is a bit of a vent, but comments? I’m looking forward to them!
Post # 3
I think that you need to give him some time. You two have had conversations about getting married and have gone ring shopping so he really is thinking about it. Have you seen Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan? It is really so true. Go out and keep yourself busy, build your life and your career and the proposal will come. I can’t give a time line or anything, my husband and I were waiting for a few years after we talked about it and he had the ring for a year.
Post # 4
I think most of us understand this feeling of waiting jealously while friends and relatives are getting married. Once you have decided that you are ready it seems like every second that he waits is excruciatingly painful and he just doesn’t get it at all. Most of the boards will advise you to pick up a hobby and as much as it sucks I have to agree. I was going absolutely crazy on my boyfriend until I started to concentrate on attending my church more often and I think that took a lot of pressure off of him.
Post # 5
Hi, and welcome! A lot of us are definitely familiar with that frustrating feeling :-). My Fiance and I were together for nearly 6 years before he proposed (granted, we started dating when we were 18 and 20 and we have spent some time being in a LDR ourselves). I had quite a few meltdowns–luckily, I mainly had those on the board!
One way you can start planning for the wedding is by opening a savings/checking account. Start putting in a little bit of money with each paycheck, so by the time your SO does propose, you will have something started. I really wish I would have been more diligent with this while I was waiting. I saved, but not a lot!
Something that helped me was sitting down and talking with my SO, just to see where we were at. We talked about when we could see ourselves being engaged and all of that good stuff. It helped to know how we each were thinking!
I definitely agree with the Mr. Bee plan, too! It sucked at times, but it really did help! Good luck!
Post # 6
Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan was great to read!
So, what did you do to get through it, and how do you look back on it now?
Post # 7
Oh geez with the Holidays everyone and their mom seemed to have gotten engaged! But remember…it’s not a race to the aisle. Every couple has their own time. I’ve been “good” with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for awhile it seems, and there’s always something to work on. Right now it’s always a great thing to work on yourself. Pick up a hobby. Work out (whether to lose or gain weight). I went back to school similarly to keep my mind off the wedding bells.
Post # 8
I would agree with the other bees when I say, give him time. You said you’ve only been sharing an address for 4 months, that is a very small amount of time. I know you mentioned that you’ve been pratically living together for 2+ years, but during that time you had “somewhere to go” if there was every an issue. Actually living together brings out a lot of issues and I’m sure once he feels adjusted and ready, he will propose. If its been talked about and you are both committed to each other, it will come. Try to enjoy your friends wedding as much as you can. Use it as a way to get ideas for your own (what worked, what you didn’t like, etc). It is difficult waiting. But you don’t want to ruin it with ultamatiums and the like. I would have a serious conversation with him, tell him that it is important to you and then leave it be. If you need to.. distract yourself with other activities – yoga/cleaning/take up a new hobby, something that will help keep your mind off of it. He wants it to be special.. and even though he knows you are going to say yes, it’s still very nerve-racking for him.
But welcome to the hive! I hope the support you find here will help you curb those jealous feelings and enjoy what a wonderful relationship you have with this man!
Post # 9
waiting is very tough but we are here to help you get through it
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, this is great advice. I wish it was easy to turn off the wedding bells that are ringing in my head, I am trying to turn my mind around – it is alot easier said than done. Now that we are living together, I feel like I do more of the housework – when we had separate places I always kept mind cleaner, put away laundry without letting it sit around, dusting, etc. I never really mind it because I want my house to be, feel, and smell clean, but I start to resent doing so much more of it when I start to feel that I am lightyears away from ever getting engaged. The appreciation I associate with being engaged/married is a cure for the resentment and I start to enjoy doing it for US. I was fine when I thought his proposal was right around the corner. From a combination of the expectations I had and my opinion of the situation, I just can’t believe it’s taking this long?!?!?!?!?!
It doesn’t sound as bad when I talk about it (or maybe it does?). I know I’ll appreciate his making it special when it happens, and I appreciate the thought now, but I guess I worry because marriage has always been more of my goal than his, so I feel like I can’t exactly relax when engagement exists only as a possibility and not a reality.
Post # 11
It really depends on how you look at the waiting period as either positive or negative. I said this before, but right after Fiance and I went ring shopping I got really antsy, I wanted to know what was going on. At first the waiting period was negative, but I realized I already had the commitment, and I completely forgot about the proposal. Once my Fiance proposed the waiting was actually a positive experience for me, because he got to plan the way he wanted to, without me breathing down his neck.
It seems as though you have the right state of mind, just try to apply those tools to the relationship. Waiting is different for everybody. My story will not be the same as yours, but I hope it helps.
Post # 12
Well, I found on WeddingBee steps of waiting to be engaged. I have been through everything except for the one where you fill your binder with ideas. My SO’s been telling me to start planning for a while, so now I’m going to do it, AND make the best of my friend’s July wedding. Thanks ladies!
Post # 13
The more you dwell on it, the less chance it will happen. You’re setting yourself up for dissapointment by “waiting” and expecting for that perfect time. When looking at simply how long you’ve been together, I’d say it’s just not long enough. That being said, if he loves you, the day will come. Be patient and don’t expect it to happen on your timeline.