(Closed) How to cut down guestlist; should I not invite…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We didn’t invite children. There will only be 2 children at my wedding, both of which will be in the bridal party.

We aren’t inviting people we don’t know. No exceptions.

We aren’t inviting great aunts, 3rd cousins, or any twice removed – basically, if I don’t see them at thanksgiving, they probably aren’t getting an invite.

 

Post # 4
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@echolove:  were inviting people that are close to us and are in our lives more often the less often. i see it as why should we pay for these guest if were not that close/ or they haven’t been consistent friends in our lives. things change all the time you grow close and then far apart. how i feel about it is i want the people that that are going to be happy for us and have been supportive of us.

Post # 6
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Family & Friends we socialize with were our parameters.  And everyone over the age of 18 got Plus Ones (in our case they were all over the age of 18, as Mr TTR & I are Encores & an Older Couple)

Guest List woes I think is the most challenging (stressful) part of Wedding Planning

So I wish you well with it.

Hope this helps,

PS… The first place to start (cause it sounds like you are in the early stages) is to make a list of everyone you’d like to see come.  Count up the numbers.  Then go look at Venues to get pricing.  Then figure out what you can realistically afford.  Then revisit your Guest List… see if you can get the two elements (Numbers & Cost meet)… if not, back to the Drawing Board.  Look at more venues, get more costs, figure out who you could cut from the list.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat as many times as need be, until you come up with a Venue & Caterer worth signing with, and a Guest List that is workable for that Venue & Cost.

 

Post # 8
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

A few ways to reduce the guest list, we didn’t use all of them:

* no cousins, or you can take it a step further and say no aunts and uncles either.

* no one from work

* no “and guest” invites, i.e. we invited stable partner we knew of, but single people were not offered a random date. Warning: this one seems to be very area dependent – acceptable in some places, rude in others.

* no kids. Also if there are some closely related kids you really want there, it’s ok to only invite your nieces and nephews (i.e. your brother’s/sister’s kids) but no other kids.

I’ve come to the conclusion that for most people, the only people who really care about your wedding are your immediate family (parents, siblings) and grandparents. And perhaps your very closest friends. Then you’re got to invite any of their partners (e.g. sister’s bf/husband). Anyone else is pretty well an optional invite.

Post # 10
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Tagging on to the excellent post by paula1248: (Reply # 7)

* Re – NO one from work.

In reality, as per traditional etiquette one shouldn’t mix business with personal / home life.  So don’t feel unnecessarily obligated to invite your Boss, or any Co-Workers.

* Re – NO And Guest

In reality, as per traditional etiquette the only folks who need to be included as a two-some are those that are Engaged – Living Together / Common Law – or Married.  And Plus Ones (by name or & Guest) need only be extended to those 18 years and older who are either in your Bridal Party or your immediate family (so your Maid/Matron of Honor and your Brother would both be able to bring a Guest… be that their Fiance, Live-In Partner or Spouse.  It could also tho be their regular SO, a date for the evening, or their BFF… the choice is theirs, whomever they wish to spend the day / weekend with… you don’t get any right to pass judgement.  The courtesy is you give them the option.  If you know the person’s name the better for addressing the Invites.  If you don’t then you can use the “& Guest” phrase. 

* Re – NO Kids

This one is always a tricky one, as inevitably someone is offended along the line.  It gets even more difficult if your lines have to be drawn by degree or relationship to you or your Fiance (1st Cousins ok, 2nd Cousins not)… OR by age… No one under 10, 12, 16, 18.

As for Friends (or so called friends)

Marriage changes a lot of things… you move onto a new phase in your life.  It is a normal time when friendships change… some you leave behind, some you form anew.

It can be difficult making a Guest List when you are torn between who fits into which categories.  Childhood, Neighbours, High School, Uni, etc.  And FaceBook these days makes it all the more difficult (only you can judge who you want to invite)

My BEST ADVICE though, is when it comes to Wedding Planning don’t put your info up on FaceBook… too much DRAMA

And perhaps limit how much you talk about the Wedding in real life too… oversharing causes problems be it with friends or family.

If you need to talk Weddings, then come to WBee.  You’ll be happy you heeded these cautions.  And hopefully cause of them, you won’t be posting too many “Oh my gosh what do I do now” posts where things went off the rails with relationships.

Hope this helps

 

Post # 12
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Hope this helps Smile

 

Post # 13
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@echolove:  i cut out my co workers and on my uncles side im thinking of cutting out some of his wifes side of the family but i grew up with alot of them but im not close with any of them i dont talk to them unless it christmas or u run in to them at a store.

Post # 14
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@echolove:  One thing I forgot to say about family invites: usually it’s best to draw the line evenly, i.e. all cousins or none, and all aunts/uncles or none; that way no one can complain about favouritism. Some family dynamics are more complicated than that, but for most people it’s a safe rule. We invited all aunts/uncles and cousins; my brother-in-law invited all aunts/uncles but no cousins; and my other Brother-In-Law invited no aunts, uncles or cousins. All 3 brothers (counting my husband) drew the line at a different place, but we all drew the line evenly, and no one was offended.

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