Post # 1
We are doing a guest-timation list for the Save-The-Date Cards. In the middle of this we centered a lot on my cousin. Even though I love him, he and I have some drama. The first time he met my husband (then boyfriend) he got drunk and wanted to borrow my husband’s car. When he said no, my cousin threw a fit and threatened to hit him! My guy doesn’t drink, he never has because he made a promise to his family nor does he go out clubbing like my cousin but this gives him fuel to make fun of my husband.
Years have passed by and after so much drama and everything the VR is on its way. (Husband won this one) and now we are starting guest lists. We live in HI so it will be a very small thing and I like that. In the mean time this cousin does nothing but get drunk, does drugs and despite his wealthier upbringing..he has done nothing in his life but look down on those who weren’t raised the way he was. The guy goes to bars and starts fights and no one thinks to tell him to stop his crap. He was sent to rehab and he ran away. No..I mean it. He actually got out of the mens home and he got a friend to take him to his mom’s house!
Seriously…I don’t want to invite him. Its not that I don’t love him but I really am scared of him starting a fight in the wrong bar, starting family drama and fights. He does this a lot and everyone is expected to let it go because “that’s how he is.” I am trying to make this occasion and this trip about the family and for people to relax! I don’t want people to be stressed out and I don’t want to worry about his drinking. I love him but I also don’t want to be the bad guy and call out the fact that it is his drinking and fighting that makes me not want to invite him.
Post # 3
I can tell you have a big heart. You love your cousin unconditionally and that is great. However, his actions are preposterous! It is supposed to be YOUR day at your wedding. Nobody should get in the way. It is upsetting that your family has let his actions go unpunished just because “that’s the way he is.” That is not an excuse. I don’t blame you for being cautious of inviting him to your wedding. You mentioned that he had a great life and was brought up in a wealthy environment. He has no reason to act the way he does. It just means that inside he is an immature and scared little boy. I would talk to your family about your concerns and see how it goes. However, your cousin does not seem to have a positive influence on your life. If you don’t invite him and it causes a rift between you; no offense, but having him out of your life might be a good thing. Think about it. After you are married and have children, would you want someone like your cousin to have access to your children? I wouldn’t. Unless he cleans up and proves himself, I would focus on protecting your heart, your wedding and your family from his antics. Hope things get better!
Post # 4
In my humble opinion I think you don’t need the added stress of inviting your cousin. Weddings are stressful enough without adding unnecessary stressors like drunken relatives. Don’t ever feel obligated to invite anyone. Many times our instincts are right on but we wave it away to be PC to our own detriment. If your gut says don’t invite him, DONT!
Post # 5
It is near impossible to please every single stakeholder in a wedding. I would recommed you to focus on your desires and what will make the two of you happy, eventually everything will work out.
Or… just have a chat with the couisin; make sure he understands that meanwhile he is invited, his drunken alter ego is not.
best of luck
Post # 6
I would just NOT invite him at all. And if he crashes the wedding, well, tell your dad/uncle to get him the heck out of there before he makes a scene. My mom is like this, and she is NOT going to be at my wedding. Period. Most people would never think of not inviting their mother to their wedding, but after a lifetime of heavy drug use and ridiculous, unacceptable behavior, nobody in my family would want her around for something like a wedding anyway!
Post # 7
I have a similar situation….except the cousin I hate is on my fiance’s family. She has some mental issues ( I think mild bipolar or split personality disorder). She is very manipulative and will lie to get her way. Thank GOD she doesn’t drink, but if she isn’t properly medicated, she could very easily start a scene at the wedding (she dislikes me because I once called her out about her taking advantage of the few people that love her-FMIL and FAIL-and about the lying).
I would say don’t invite him as long as you know there’s no way he will find out about the wedding. Unfortunately with crazies like this, if they find out about it and realize they weren’t invited, it will only further fuel their bad behavior. If there is a way he will find out (like in the case of my FCIL, she is 30 and still lives with her parents so she would see their invitation), you should set up a disaster prevention plan with the family.
Since this is your family it should be pretty easy to do. Find a friend and trusted family member to monitor the drinking of this cousin. If he shows up already smashed, someone will have to stand up and send him home. Perhaps your DOC or venue manager could do this for you. Unfortunately in my case, its my fiance’s family, so I can’t just be like “Get this bi+ch under control or keep her out of our wedding!” I am tasking my fiance to have several family members monitor her, and he is just going to have to suck it up and tell his aunt and uncle that is she refuses to take her medications before the wedding, she just can’t come.
Hope this helps! Let me know what you think about my situation with the shoe on the other foot!