(Closed) How to deal with this? :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Stop trying to make him happy. He is making you VERY unhappy, and you should point this out to him! Confront him!

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is this a new behavior and have you two ever lived together before this? Sorry I just needed some clarity before throwing any of my cents in.

Post # 6
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have their been other dramatic behavior changes when he’s stressed out? Otherwise all I can say is you need to confront him and deal with this now. It isn’t acceptable to treat you like a room mate. 

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Tphtpt1921:  Does he normally share his problems with you? Does he let you help him deal with issues and find solutions? Or is he the type of person who likes to deal with this type of thing on his own and keep it to himself? Is it possible that he thinks talking to you would about them would make him seem weak or not manly enough?

Post # 10
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

a few things you said raised some red flags for me…
He’s short when I talk to him or seems like I’m irritating him. Now the past couple of weeks he shows up 2ish hours after his normal time coming home from work. He barely greets me and heads to the shower right away and will possibly emerge for dinner only to go back to his computer.

Has he always gone straight to the shower after work? are you SURE it is just facebook, games or funny sites he’s on on the computer? Has he ever acted that you’re irritating him before, or been short with you? Has anything else changed in your relationship over the last while?

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Tphtpt1921:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. At this point, I would believe him. It may be that there is a problem at work that is really stressing him out. It’s possible that he is not dealing with in a constructive manner and it’s affecting his behaviour and leading him to “retreat” to “comfort” behaviours like playing games.

Don’t start imagining the worst. But I would say that you need to have a proper discussion with him and tell him exactly what he is doing and how it’s affecting your relationship. If there is a problem, he needs to tell you so that you can help him deal with it.

 

Post # 12
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBunnylot:  I think that OP has been trying to talk to him about what’s going on, but he’s not being responsive and is quite frankly being a bit of a jerk to her… he doesn’t seem to want to confide in her/open up at all despite her previous efforts 🙁

Post # 13
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  Yes I see that. And he indicated that there may, in fact, be some sort of problem at work. I think the difference between OP has been doing (as I understand it) and what I’m recommending is casually trying to bring it up in conversation (and giving up when he doesn’t respond) as opposed to having a proper sit-down discussion and getting to the bottom of it.

Like I said, I wouldn’t immediately suspect the worst here.

What I’m saying is that OP isn’t really letting on how she feels. She’s acting like her normal, happy self. She needs to tell him how much he is hurting her.

Post # 15
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBunnylot:  Guess I didn’t look at it like that, you’ve got a point, for sure.

Post # 16
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would say that you don’t have to assume the worst, but I’d be weary due to the secluded/secretive behavior. Regardless you both need to come to an understanding that stressed or not this is absolutely not an acceptable way to display his emotions. If you don’t fix it now how will it be throughout the marriage? I find it particularly odd that he has never displayed this behavior before when stressed.

Post # 17
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmm. I would try to break his cycle and figure out what is wrong. When he comes in, teel him dinner will be on the table in 15. Then make sure you eat at the table without the TV or computer. Ask about his day and what is going on with his friends and coworkers. Then ask him to help with dishes and just chat. Hopefully he will open up with what is going on, but even if he doesn’t, you will get an hour or two of uninterupted conversation.

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