- 4 days ago
- Wedding: January 2005
A few years ago I submitted my DNA to ancestry and got a hit for a half sibling. Later DNA confirmed we share a father. Turns out my mom was cheating on my dad with this man who is our bio father.
Anyways, we did another DNA test to confirm and we are in fact half siblings. After talking on the phone for nearly two years, we finally set up a meeting in my area because I live in the country and we arent in danger of Covid infection being so far from even a small town. She is also vaccinated, since I cant be.
Anyways, prior to her coming I was a little wary, for several reasons. She is a talker, she talks over people and never stops talking. I could quite literally put her on speaker and she would never know that Im not paying attention because she never stops talking.
Another reason is because every time we talk, all she wants to talk about, is how much pain she is in. She was in a car accident a decade ago and while I understand she is in pain, every suggestion for finding a doctor who can help her falls by the wayside. I am in remission from cancer and for the first time in two years I am cancer free and not once have I ever complained to her about the pain I have had from surgeries, radiation, and chemo. I realize that a lot of people dont want to hear it and I share in a cancer support group because it can be overwhelming for people who dont understand it.
My sister is a really nice person, but she gets taken advantage of a lot because she involves herself in to many other people’s drama. Then their problems become her problems and then she unloads them on me.
She also oversteps boundaries, but she is also very sensitive to any sort of criticism. For instance, she wants to talk and message every day, but Im a quiet person who spends a lot of time trying to get my life back together after becoming cancer free. Im also writing a book which takes up a lot of my time. If I dont answer her calls or text or even if I tell her Im busy, she takes it as a personal criticism when really I just need a bit of space.
Fast forward to last week. She finally comes to visit me. It was utter hell. I was ready to send her home one day after she got here. From my house to the airport is nearly three hours and she complained for the whole ride. By the time we got to my house, I was already on edge. Then she proceeded to complain about my cooking, (there was carbs!!!!) I fixed mashed potatoes which she didnt have to eat, then she complained about her pain for two whole hours and how eating carbs made her sick to her stomach…okayyyyy!! you didnt have to eat them.
Prior to her coming, she said she wanted a relaxing vacation because her life is very stressed. I asked her if she would be happy with alternating days of relaxing poolside (we have a pool) and then excursions out to some beautiful state parks. She said it was fine. Day two was spent at National Park where we could be outside and away from others. In between walking she is calling everyone and their dog back home and dealing with their problems, that werent her problems.
The worst part was day four. I planned for us to go to a local spa (properly social distanced, masked up for massages). While we were waiting for our massages, she had to be told several times to lower her volume level because its suppose to be quiet and calm. She finally got the hint, until we went to our separate rooms where I could hear her through the walls talking the entire time. The owner had to politely ask again her to quiet down. I was mortally embarrassed. After the massages were over, my husband had lunch planned for us at home poolside, but she demanded I drive her to a city three hours away so she could purchase something from a jewelry store. I told her we had lunch plans and then she tells me the gift she needs to purchase is for me.
I told her it was unnecessary to buy me anything besides the fact that the place she wanted to go to was inside a crowded mall and I didnt feel comfortable going with. She started to cry. She said she was unable to buy a gift for me because of credit card problems before she came and she wanted to get me something. I called hubby and told him we wouldnt be home for lunch.
So we get there and I tell her that I wont go into the store because there are to many people and I am not vaccinated and want to be safe. She cries again. An hour later she is still in the store. I call her and she puts me on speaker and her, along with the sales ladies are shaming me for staying in the car when she is trying to buy me a nice gift.
I was furious. By the time she was done, we didnt make it home until well into the evening and getting dark. I was exhausted and frustrated. I live in the country and driving at night with deer on the road is dangerous, I rarely drive at night.
Finally, she went home at the first of the week. I have never been so happy to see someone leave my house in all my life. While she was here, I didnt write my book at all. I didn’t attend my cancer support group meeting and I cut a therapy session short (zoom) because I went to my office and closed the door and she kept interrupting.
I almost regret ever having contact with her and I regret inviting her to my home. I know that people are different, but she is totally oblivious to her behavior and how it impacts other people. She is very negative and she complains that her family she grew up with often ignores her. I can see why, if you are negative all the time, no one wants to hear it. I have recommended therapy, life changes she could make, to no avail. Its like she wallows in her misfortune which is mostly of her own making.
I am generally a happy go lucky person and Im seriously depressed after her visit. She is now messaging me and asking when she can come visit again and I dont know what to say. I feel like Im being hunted. She often talks about suicide and I worry that if I say that I dont want to see her anytime soon, she could harm herself. What do I do?
I have never been in this kind of situation before. I dont have a clue how to move forward. I dont want to cause her to be suicidal, but I also need my space. Im introverted, especially since regaining my life. Please help.