(Closed) How to deal with a unsupportive mom?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is a hard one! I think that if you haven’t already you should explain to her just as you did to us about your financial situation and being able to afford this on your own budget regardless if he has a full time or temp job. Then maybe tell her nicely that you really want her to be a part of this but it’s frustrating when she brings the money up. Suggest “Mom, pretend like money doesn’t matter” maybe she can give you honest opinions and suggestions from there? Not saying this is right or wrong…. never been in this situation just thinking what I might say or do with my mom. Sorry to hear this is happening.

Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think you will have much luck getting her to be calm about it – but I would try to focus the conversation and energy on something else.  Resolve in your head that you and her will have different opinions on what is acceptible on the topic and try to move past it.

If she doesn’t respect the boundary and keeps talking about it, you will have to stand your ground and remind her that you two are going to disagree on the subject and ask her to drop it (kindly!).

And, remind yourself that her worrying is part of who she is and out of love and concern from you.  It’s a hard thing to do – but might help in those moments of frustration!

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d be worried too. Most parents are hoping that their children end up in stable, healthy relationships with their chosen spouses, but make no mistake…money plays a huge role in a marriage. If she was blase about it and you were the one worried he isn’t working FT and helping out with the finances, you’d probably wonder why she isn’t supporting you then too. Sometimes, parents just can’t win. How will you feel 5 years from now if he isn’t gainfully employed? Will your resentment at covering everything begin to break down your marriage? It can and it does in many cases. I see it as her looking out for your best interests in the long term, and not just for  now, when you don’t see the problem.

Why do you feel your Dad is OK with everything? Because he isn’t saying anything to you about it? You might be surprised at what he really thinks, but men have a tendency to keep a lot inside rather than cause friction. My husband is exactly the same way and always has the need to be the good guy. What he says to ME is never the same as what he says to our daughters….

FWIW…I agree with your Mom. I think he needs to have a FT job first,too.

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