(Closed) How to deal with a zombie of a fiance?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BHB0526:  My FI works long hours too, and i usually tell him hello/kiss when he comes home and give him and hour or so of goofing off on the computer or watching tv so he can decompress. We don’t really talk about too much about stuff till after dinner so he’s had his me time and food. It makes him happy to get his alone time and its better for both of us. Smile

Post # 4
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

Is this a long term schedule for him? If it’s only temporary, I would just tell him how you’re feeling ad hope he’s able to be less exhausted, somehow. If it’s long term, you need to come to a compromise so your relationship doesn’t suffer.

Post # 6
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

see if he can agree to getting an hour of “me time” where he gets to be totally alone and after that he engages you again. Some people just need that wind down time.

Post # 7
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Contract work can be rough, especially with a very demanding client (which it sounds like he has).  Luckily, there is an end date and hopefully he’ll be done with this contract soon!  Just be kind and patient to him, he IS exhausted.  I remember my 12 hour shifts and how much I wanted to just curl up and sleep afterwards.  Make an effort to focus on the quality of the time you have together, not the quantity.  And every time you get frustrated, just remember that it’s not permanent.

Post # 8
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

If he’s working 10+ hours, then I would expect him to be tired. Working in the heat just makes it worse. I worked a similar schedule in college one summer,  aand honestly all i did the entire summer was work and sleep. I ditto talking to him about it and try to come to a compromise. If it’s temporary, you may just have to suck it up and agree that the first weekend after the contract is up is for you two alone. But if it’s going to be long term, you’ll have to figure something else out.  once he gets used to it, he won’t be so exhausted, you just have to hang on through the early part.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

DH works nights and I work days so we don’t see each other until the weekend.  I’m up at 730 am Sat and he needs to sleep in until at least 10 am so he’s not in a bad mood.  When we were planning our honeymoon, I would get up early and do all the planning and make lots of decisions.  Once he was up, we’d chill and watch tv for a little and then by lunch time, he’s more “normal”.  I would wait until dinner time or right before to do a QUICK recap of the plans or decisions I made for the honeymoon and he would be happy talking about it for about 20 minutes.  After that, we’d drop it and go do what we wanted that night.

In most cases, guys could give a flying rats ass about wedding/honeymoon/decoration/etc.  They 100% truthfully do.not.care. and would rather you do somethign that makes you happy than have to make a decision about something they don’t care about but means the world to you. Limit your wedding talk to 15/20 minutes and don’t do it in the morning or when he’s getting tired. 

This is life. You’ll be happy you get to make the bulk of decisions one day – believe me.  If I didn’t make so many decisions, we’d be living in a run down apartment that smells like poop (but with a 82 inch tv) and eatting hot dogs every night.

Post # 10
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have a hard time with this sometimes.  FI gets up super early, then will sometimes be napping when I come home from work, when I am all excitable and just want to blab his ear off.  He needs that winding down time, just as most of us do, and once we eat dinner everything’s kosher again.  We’ve had a couple “I’m exhausted” arguments, so I am trying to back off and we’re compromising more.

Post # 12
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BHB0526:  I have similar feelings when my FI gets back into practicing with his music a lot.  We generally spend quite a bit of time together, and then he’s using most of that time to work on his music.

I know it’s a hard adjustment for you, but it’s probably pretty tough on him too.  Hopefully he’ll get used to the schedule, though that’s a ROUGH one, and he’ll cope with it better with time. 

I’d suggest letting him know you’d like to pencil in some naughty time 😉  No man can object to that!  And find something you can enjoy on your own, or with friends.  I usually spend my ‘me time’ watching the goofy movies he doesn’t really like, or working on DIY wedding goodies, or going to the gym.  🙂

Post # 13
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

This is our life. Mr. LK is up at 4:45am, leaves the house by 6:15am, and gets home at 7:15pm. And we’re in bed by 10pm at the latest. We have less than 3 hours per evening together, and he is totally done for by the time he walks in the door. Honestly, you just have to deal with it on your own. It’s not like he wants to be a zombie, but sometimes that’s just how life goes. My best advice, after living this schedule for years, is to find things that you enjoy to distract yourself and learn to not take it personally. Good luck!

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