(Closed) How to deal with alcohol & unruly guests? Nervous after this past weekend…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Mrs.Kpop:  i get it, you just worded it kind of offensive that’s all.

in my circle.. cash bars are norm, and noone complained.  Everyone had a blast and are still talking and laughing about it.  

 

Post # 18
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@DaneLady:  +1 I think if people wan to get “wasted” they will. I’m also having an open bar, we are going to stop at a certain time.

Post # 20
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

If you want to have alcohol of any form at your reception you should and if you don’t, then don’t do it.  My FH and I are people who like to have drinks and most of our family and friends enjoy having alchool too, so we are serving alcohol.  It’s going to be an open bar for cocktail hour and a couple hours into the reception.  At about an hour and a half left, it will revert to a cash bar, so that people will hopefully slow down on their drinking and get ready to have their DDs take them home or go up to their hotel room.  We are also going to see about getting wedding insurance in the case that anything adverse does happen at the wedding.  I think if you are very close to these “bad apples” and you really do want them at the wedding, you should be comfortable enough to talk to them one-on-one and express your concerns about their potential behavior.  They should be understanding to you and your feelings and respect the fact that you want to have a nice gathering without shenanigans like what you have witnessed.  If they don’t see it your way, I would imagine you and your FH have to make a decision on whether they should be invited.  

Post # 21
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I say don’t invite anyone who wa engaging in this behavior – throwing the patio furniture into the pool?! That is horrible, they’re lucky they didn’t totally ruin the couple’s day, and no one could blame you for leaving them out of your wedding.

As far as controlling alcohol comsumption at your wedding, your bartenders should have the capability to cut people off when necessary, and yeah don;t invite the crazy party people who will bring their own alcohol! We had liquor at our wedding but no shots, because shots will get people drunk pretty darn fast.

Post # 23
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

I understand telling a GOOD friend, in a relaxed, laid-back way, to go easy on the drinking but be careful how you do it. People can get really offended about comments on personal vices. Don’t come off holier-than-thou, especially if you like to drink too, and don’t frame it as a MYYYY DAAAAY situation. Bring up concrete issues, like potential damages or examples of bad past behavior (the pool). Say your venue is super strict about drunk driving and has a cop circle the parking lot at night, or something.

Don’t hire security or call the cops for God’s sake. It’s a wedding, not an awards show. I thought having friends/relatives get way too drunk and make fools of themselves was a key element to weddings?

Post # 24
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

That sucks that guests would behave that badly.  DH was concerned about some guests drinking too much, and wanted a cash bar but I was against that.

Instead, we did non-cash drink tickets.  No guest paid for drinks, but the tickets just limited how many they could have.  Our parents had extras to hand out if anyone wasn’t beyond tipsy and wanted more to drink.

We also spoke to the venue beforehand to limit the types of drinks.  We had hard liquor, but it was limited to mixed drinks, there were no shots.  Guests could only get singles, no doubles or triples.  Also, they could only get one drink/hand at a time.

Post # 25
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree that wedding insurance is a good idea. At my wedding we’re having open bar, but I spoke to my wedding coordinator about this very issue – she said that the bartenders are not allowed to serve anyone who’s obviously too drunk (just like any other bar) because it becomes their liability. I would speak to your reception venue and see what they say…I’m sure they’ve dealt with this a million times!

Post # 26
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would have either you or your fiance speak directly to these people. If they are going to act like children, they deserve to be treated as such- they need to be informed that if they plan on using your wedding as an opportunity to act like idiots, then they are not welcome. No reason you should waste the money and the place at a table where a respectful, loving friend or family member could be instead.

Post # 28
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honestly, I wouldn’t be friends with people who acted that way at a friend’s wedding, where they know the bride and groom are footing the bill and will have to pay for what they damage.  We had a completely open bar at our reception, and we had no incidents at all….but that’s because neither my husband nor I would ever be friends with people who have no manners.

 I feel like you have 4 options:

1) don’t invite these friends who are rude and horrible at friends’ weddings

2) invite them and don’t be suprised when they are horrible and you have to pay extra for what they damage

3) talk to them before hand, but then go ahead and review option number 2

3) get security to enforce behavior for you.

 

personally, I would choose number 1.

Post # 29
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

1) Find out what your bartender/venue do to avoid overly drunk guests.

2) Find out what your venue’s policy is about unruly guests and how they deal with them.

3) If you have people you already know are going to be an issue, assign someone to keep an eye on them during the night and remind the bartender to water down their drinks or otherwise slow them down.

4) I would have hesitated to invite people who I knew were going to get ridiculously drunk and cause a problem or I would limit the alcohol in some manner to cut down on the chance that people could get ridiculously drunk.

Post # 30
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, this is why I’d rather have an open bar than a cash bar.  People will bring their own booze to a cash bar. Is it obnoxious? A little. A lot of people also find cash bars obnoxious.  People are cheap and nipping in the car is easier and cheaper.  I’m not condoning what those people did, just saying that it’s a not-unforseeable consequence of a cash bar and young cheap/broke people intent on getting hammered.

Nipping in the car is also something no one can control.  You can’t control what they bring, what they drink, what’s available.  An open bar, you can control what’s there- beer and wine, beer wine signature cocktail, etc.  You also have bartenders controlling the serving, who can short unruly guests alcohol or cut them off altogether.  An open bar, oddly, gives you a lot more control (and the venue, which is a nice scapegoat after the wedding if someone’s pissed about not getting served- “oh my god, really, they cut you of?? I can’t believe it!!”). 

Post # 31
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@RockStar33:  just read your comment and just re read what I wrote. I don’t see anything offensive about the way I worded MY OPINION. Its just advice and things that my husband and I saw as key to making our wedding fun.  Im sure other people have different ideas about having a fun wedding too i.e. dj vs. live band, having an mc vs. not, etc.. no need to take offense to every idea that differs with yours.

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