(Closed) How to deal with alcohol & unruly guests? Nervous after this past weekend…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@HeLovesDogs:  Yeah, I think the off duty officer is good because he’s an authority figure, unlike your groomsmen or your event coordinator. He will take the pressure off anyone having to look out or anyone feeling insecure about exherting authority–and he’ll take care of anyone who feels the need to challenge authority. The officer will also alliveate the need to “not” invite people–in case you’d feel about excluding anyone.

I say having the DJ announce the officer is there to protect the guests is fair warning to anyone who gets drunk and wants to throw bottles and furniture.

 I say this also because you don’t know who’s gonna get rowdy. Maybe you don’t invite the ones you “think” will get rowdy, but in truth, a completely different set of people get rowdy. Since you can’t know who it will be for sure, just get the officer.

Post # 33
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee

I recently attended a wedding with an open bar. There were 65 guests, and about 40 big bottles of hard alcohol, a bartender, and several hundred bottles of beer.

Things didn’t start getting out of hand until about midnight (the ceremony was at 3 pm). Some of the female guests started flashing their asses, and the bride changed into her bikini and shorts. They were a little too wild for my taste, and my SO and I left. I have no idea what happened afterwards, but I imagine it only got more wild.

If I were you, I would avoid inviting anyone who got crazy, unless you have no choice (i.e. a close family member or friend etc).

 

Post # 34
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@Mrs.Kpop:  I agree with you that an open bar makes it more fun, but my personal situation is I have a few mean drunks in my family who can’t handle that. In fact, I have a SIL begging me NOT to have ANY alcohol. I hate that because I want some alcohol. My problem, too, is not very many people in my family are drinkers–except the ones who over drink. So I’d be made to feel bad by those who don’t drink–namely mom and dad. My answer? I think I’ll just slip a flask in my garter belt. 

Post # 35
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@honeybee1999:  Lol flask in the garter belt is always an excellent choice. =) you can always do beer /wine only and as long as there are bartenders there you can have them be the bad guys and cut people off.. that sucks u have to worry about mean drunks esp in the family!! not sure I have an answer for that one other than I really do feel like sitting down and talking with the person beforehand to just take it easy on the alcohol may help? idk if they would take offense but that is what I would do.

Post # 36
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Open bar or not, neither is an excuse for the way those guests behaved. 

If you feel like you absolutely HAVE to invite these folks (like if they were family), then I think the police officer is a good idea.  Otherwise, screw hiring a baby sitter and ditch these “friends”.

Post # 37
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you know who these people are, I wouldn’t invite them, and if they say anything I would tell them that it was because of their behavior at your other friend’s wedding. The consequence of acting like a bunch of drunk ass fool teenagers at someone’s wedding is that they don’t get invited to other people’s weddings. They’re adults, they were jerks. It’s their own fault.

Post # 38
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t invite the bad apples.  Even if you have a security guard or ask a mutual friend to keep an eye out, it sounds like there’s a pretty significant likelihood that asking these guests to leave if they get unruly would just result in a big scene.  I’ll be honest, we had a couple friends that we had concerns about (nothing to extent you’re talking about, just over-drinking), and we or someone in the bridal party actually talked to them about it ahead of time.  It turned out fine.

Post # 39
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@Mrs.Kpop:  Yeah, so now I got a flask, a gun and a knife in my garter belt! Maybe I ought to hire the off-duty officer, huh?

Post # 40
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How many guests and what portion of your guest list do these people constitute?

Gauge your decision based on what that poor bride experiences with these guests. Are they receptive to her issues with what they did? Or do they act like they were totally in the right?

Post # 41
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

… I really wouldn’t invite them.

Regardless of whether or not people like to have a drink and let lose, this is a wedding. A celebration of the union of two of their friends.

The way they acted disrespected the bride & groom, their friends and family and the venue.

I wouldn’t risk it.

Post # 42
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ok, I’m in the same boat. I’m an American living in the UK and well… these guys like to drink. And when they drink, they get nasty and insane. The Brits are nothing like the Colin Firth-types Americans imagine they are. 

I’ve had a few complaints from people that our reception is 15 miles away from the city most people we’re inviting live in. They wanted us to rent a bus to cart them to and from the venue. Uh, no. Nevermind the cost- I have people coming from the other side of this country, as well as from 6,000 miles away. If they can get themselves to the venue, you can trek the 15 miles. “Yeah, but then if we have to drive we can’t get drunk.” My wedding isn’t an excuse to get drunk! 

I’ve jokingly told some of his friends that if any of them get too hammered, I will have them escorted out. I’m being told I’m being a bridezilla, but I don’t want any of the behavior you see on the streets every night here outside pubs to happen at my wedding. I think it’s tacky, rude, and awful. My Fiance on the other hand thinks it’s just the way weddings are here and I need to chill out. Ugh. 

I think having your wedding in America with a cash bar will help keep some of the drinking to a minimum. Or only having a cocktail hour paid for, followed by a cash bar. If some of these bad apples are invited, they’re going to get drunk no matter what you do, though. I think you just have to mentally prepare yourself for this eventuality, and get a plan in place before it happens. I’m not sure what your venue is like, or what type of staff they’ll have, but basically work with what you’ve got to make sure you have a way to deal with anyone who gets out of hand. Or designate a bridesmaid/groomsman to do this so you can enjoy your night without playing babysitter for drunkies. 

Post # 43
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

PS: Have a word with the ones who got unruly, but tread lightly. If they’re true friends, they’ll be so embarrassed about it and want to make sure they don’t ruin your day. If they try to make you feel bad about bringing it up, well, then you know who not to invite and they’ll know exactly why. It’s your day, you shouldn’t have to worry that some drunkard is going to trash your venue’s facilities. 

Also, if you’re going to provide alcohol, don’t get hard stuff. Hoepfully these two things put together will stop anyone from sneaking hard alcohol in!

Post # 44
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I would just not invite them.  What they did was icredibly disrespectful to that other bride & groom!  Also, why do these bad apples get to ruin the fun for the responsible people by removing the alcohol?!

Post # 45
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just dont invite them

Post # 46
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@iseultful2013:  er im not really appreciating the massive negative generalisations about my country! no one i know gets nasty or falling down drunk…we share wine, have a good time then go home.  yes there is bad behaviour, but you cant write off an entire country as being nasty and insane whenever alcohol is involved. i could write a comparative anti-american stereotype but i dont think its productive, and i dont want to offend anyone else on the thread

and hiring a bus is pretty standard to be honest, its not necessarily that they want to get trashed (though could well be)

with regards to bad apples – anyone involved in the patio incident should be uninvited. barmen told not to serve drunk people (they should know this already) and security for anyone rowdy

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