(Closed) How to deal with an alcoholic mom at our wedding ?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MlleDarcy:  I would argue that not having alcohol at your wedding is not going to keep an alcoholic from drinking, especially if they know beforehand that alcohol will not be served. They will simply show up already drunk, bring a flask/bottle with them, or leave to drink. Trying to control the actions of an addict will almost certainly backfire.

Post # 18
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@crayfish:  In my situation, not having alcohol is the perfect solution. I agree with your reply generally but not in my father’s case. That’s why I didn’t recommend it to the OP, I just stated that that is what I am doing. I’d have to go into lots of personal details to explain, but not my thread. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 20
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FrenchyPeedee:  My heart goes out to you: we are in the same boat with my mother. She’s an alcoholic and hasnt drank in a couple of years….but now that her *5th* husband is divorcing her, she is back off the wagon and is in full-blown alcoholic mode PLUS she’s abusing her pills.

I’ve posted a couple of similar threads in the last 2 days and have recieved much the same advice as you have…unfortunately, that means I don’t have any to give :-/

Just know that you aren’t alone!

Post # 21
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you’re in this situation : ( Really the most important thing you can do is make sure that she doesn’t ruin your day. No matter what she does. Have some family members keep an eye on her, and let them handle her. Don’t let her take a second of your happiness away that day. If she shows up drunk for her walk down the aisle, then seat her before the ceremony begins & no one will notice anyway.

Post # 22
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FrenchyPeedee:  WOW….your story is word for word mine lol… and we’re date twins ๐Ÿ˜€

I have battled with my mom about her drinking (because she turns into a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE embarassing person when she drinks). She’s been an alcoholic since before she had me, and it got really bad the last 8 or so years….then when she retired and didnt have anything to do all day? LOOK OUT

Needless to say I finally got the balls to write her a letter about how I need her to change her life around and what shes done has been hurtful, and how Im not going to stand for it anymore! My whole family and her friends just brush it off, but when shes drinking around me it makes me sooooooo effing mad to see what she does and hear the things she says….

I told her 2 things: I need her to promise me she will not take a drink at my wedding or else she will be not welcome at the celebration. She started crying and said she would never want to hurt me, and although Im not 100% confident she will keep her word, as long as I have a fun fizzy virgin drink available then she will be happy with that. 

The thing is being the MOB people are going to try to hand her stuff all freakin night….and they wont know shes not supposed to be drinking…so as long as I can have something in her hands at all times…

I also pulled the grandkid card which struck a HUGE cord…I said if you think your going to be in your grandkids life if this is still going on? your sorely mistaken… you need to pull yourself together!

She admits now she needs help and support which is a huge step… she broke down one time and said she was afraid to get help because of what other people would say…I said MOM everyone around you has been WAITING for you to admit it… they are not going to shame you???

anyways… I still ahve anxiety about the day…but I have some family in my Bridal Party who will be keeping a close eye….

*sigh*

Post # 24
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can entirely empathise. My parents both have drinking problems and they basically drink each night to intoxication and then have huge embarrassing rows, and although I love them and they are great to me, the way they treat each other is a huge factor in me deciding to elope. My mothers family has a bad drinking culture and none of them can handle alcohol. I would say either have it out with her before and say her drinking will not be tolerated, that you want to trust her but feel that you can’t and so if she does not promise you will take steps. If she refuses to oopenly discuss her problem, go behind her back and have the bar staff refuse to serve her. It’s a mean last resort, but worth it. Best of luck to you! Xxx

Post # 25
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FrenchyPeedee:  

My aunt is an alcoholic and here is what we did during my cousin’s (her son’s) wedding. We made the bartenders aware that the MOG should not be overserved. Her first drink was made fairly strong, and each drink after that was made very, very weak. My aunt is a very savvy drinker (for lack of a better description), and I had my doubts but it actually went off without a hitch. 

I think this is a fairly common request for bartenders, so don’t be afraid to fill them in on the situation. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect an alcoholic not to drink at a social event, but there are certainly ways to curb their intake. Good luck to you. I know how hard it is to have a family member with a drinking problem. 

Post # 25
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

I know this is a old post and I’m not sure if anyone still reads this but I can relate. Both my parents drank. My dad my whole life And I lost him 4 years ago due to his liver failing. My mom started drinking when I was a teenager. this hits home for me. I was very “sheltered: growing up and my parents were OVER protected ! I have my own family now and my mom has never held a job. My dad was always the bread winner But my mom is young. She is only in her mid 40’s and she WILL NOT WORK ! She is lazy and will drink all night and fight with whoever is there and sleep ALL DAY ! 

I can’t be around that and I sure as he’ll NOT allowing my family around that

she put me in a financial whole for a long time. I was paying to run her household…all her bills and food not just for my uncle and my grandmom. My uncle and mom need to get off their ass and stop drinking and get a damn job !! It kills me that my grandmom can’t come to live with us. It truly devastates me every day of my life. My 80 year old grandmom is supporting her grown ass kids !

Post # 26
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

I had to cut her off And washed my hands of her. I hate answering my phone when she calls bc its always the same thing. Shes asking for money She EXPECTED me to pay for everything AND run my own household. she makes me feel guilty. who’s the parent here ? I wish I had what I had when I was younger But I don’t and I’ve accepted that but she can’t keep doing this to me

I never talk about this to anyone but it’s nice to vent and get it out

Post # 27
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Wow! I am so glad I stumbled on this! 

My mother is the same way and I wasnt sure how I was going to deal with it the day of.  I have told her that if she keeps drinking like she is she wont even make it to my wedding (has had a lot of health issues related to the drinking and a few MAJOR falls).  

I also feel like a bad person, but have told her on a number of times that if she is drinking she will NOT be at my wedding.

I was planning on having some one baby sit her, but her family pretends to be blind to the fact she drinks so I have to be VERY careful who is as I dont want her making an ass of me!

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