(Closed) How to deal with an Insane Grandmother…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My own grandmother can be very mean & say really snarky comments. It’s hard to take– I understand! We’re a long distance couple who have been together over 4 years & everytime I went to visit him she’s like “He won’t marry you, he’s just using you!” blah blah.

People can say “ignore her” but it’s a lot easier to say than do! My grandmothers comments still get me fired up! I started trying to let it roll off my back… I’ve tried deep breathing, chanting “she’s old. she’s old. she’s old” and basically anything short of a spiritual dance.

The thing is his grandmother is old, you can’t change her… and it seems like she’s just made up her mind about you. I wouldn’t go out of my way to be so helpful, but I wouldn’t be rude or mean either. Just be cordial! Does she actually call you a controlling b*tch?! Seriously… your Fiance should really say something if she is degrading you like that.

Oy. Family dynamics… the things they don’t tell you in the fairytales.

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Hey, my grandmother is insane too! You deal by not expecting anything better from them. It makes it harder to be disappointed!

But seriously, she won’t *let* him live with you? He is 27, after all…

Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

GAH! I hate controlling family members! 😉

This is probably a terrible, awful thing for me to even think, but at least she is 76…

Post # 9
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

She’s probably afraid to live alone and thinks that you will take him away from her.  You may want to pop in Monster in Law and just watch it while she’s there.  So sorry that you’re going through this, but at 76 I may be a bit “tart” (so mildly put) if I thought my only companion for the last 27 years was leaving too.  By The Way, you mow the grass and not your soon to be fiancee?

Post # 11
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think abusive family members get a free pass based on age. While issuing ultimatums is probably counterproductive, it is your FIs responsibility to set boundaries with his family in terms of how they speak to/about you. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Unless there’s some sort of reason (like alzheimer’s) that she can’t filter, she doesn’t get a free pass just because she is old. In fact, she should have a bunch more experience regarding when to hold your tongue. She calls you names and treates you poorly and your fiance just lets it slide?!? He should at least have the guts to stand up to his nana and say ” You may not care for buckwheatis, but she is my fiance and I am not okay with you treating her that way/calling her those names”. He is going to be your husband…you shouldn’t have to put up with that without at least his support! What’s going to happen once your married? Is he going to live with her and come visit you? If he can’t cut the cord now, when is he? If she comes to live with you then she needs to learn quick that that sort of disrespect won’t do. He needs to address this NOW.

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