(Closed) How to deal with difficult family members

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I grew up with a verbally/emotionally/on occasion physically abusive Mother, my practically absentee Father who was her enabler who broke my trust SEVERAL times over the years and would go on business trips all the time because they were always fighting, and my brother who I grew up next to as a stranger because my Mom was constantly pitting us against eachother. (that’s a mouthful).

Even as early as the age of 10 I remember wishing we could just sell the house, split the money and all four of us go our seperate ways. I moved out when I was 18, and still came back for major holidays and did birthday phone calls. It was hard because my Mother would antagonize me whenever I saw her/spoke to her, and the moment I finally broke and argued back she’s instantly play the victim and tell everyone who would listen how bad I was being. My Dad commented several Christmases in a row that my Mother was even more miserable than usual around the holidays, and he’d rather not have them if meant avoiding all her drama. Also, if you look back at old family movies, you can SEE the tension on film!

My family and I actually ended up estranged, and we nolonger speak. It’s funny, my Mom (in her usual way) told ME that “for the sake of [her] emotional health [I] can nolonger be a part of [her] life”. Turns out that her saying that to me was only one of her ‘games’, but I don’t care. I took her for her word and haven’t spoken to her since. Up until the end of this summer, she kept trying to contact me and get a rise out of me. I ignored her until she stopped.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I remember how hard “those” holidays were *hug*

Post # 5
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

anonyhelp:  There are books out there! One of them you might look into is called Children of the Self Absorbed. It is a great read and has good tasks for you to do to help cope. However, if that isn’t the right book for you, try Toxic Parents. Even though these people that are affecting may not be directly your parents, it still might help give you an overall insight. I would definitely recommend counseling. There is no shame or guilt in going to see a therapist. Just call your general health provider or doctor and get a reference. 

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