(Closed) How to deal with effects of MIL smoking on baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
8505 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Perfectionist :  when it comes to your baby’s healthy do NOT make MIL’s feelings your primary concern. My mother (who I am extremely close with and consider a good friend as well as an awesome mom) has been a smoker on and off for my entire life. Currently she’s “on” again but doesn’t smoke nearly as much as she used to. She only smokes in her back porch or in her car and very rarely will go outside to have one at my house if she’s there all day. I’ve told her in no uncertain terms that she will not be allowed to have a carseat in her car and drive our child if she still smokes in the vehicle, and there will be no sleepovers at her house if she’s still smoking on the property. She understands and accepts that I get to make the rules for MY child even if they aren’t the ones she had for me. I’m currently pregnant so we’ll see how it plays out in practice when the kid comes, but in theory she’s on board.

I grew up around smokers, in fact there is a photo of me at about 1 year old sitting in the middle of the dining table at my grandmother’s house and about 5 people are smoking around me. I clearly survived but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to subject my child to that gross habit. It’s pathetic actually, I normally hate the smell of smoke but if I get very sad or anxious the smell of it becomes comforting and calms me down even though I never smoked myself – it just reminds me of my family and being young. How messed up is that??

Post # 32
Member
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

btob17 :  She never said she was going to tell Mother-In-Law to quit.  She said that she didn’t want her child to  spend time with her Mother-In-Law.

Post # 33
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

BrideK2Wings :  “you smokers” I’m a human being thanks! You may of had a bad experience but it sounds like your family were smoking around you. We wouldn’t dream of smoking around any children not even outside if our kids our outside we smoke completely away from them and they are 100 percent fine 

Post # 34
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Perfectionist :  I didn’t even let anyone wear perfume around my baby for months and months.. HEEEELL NO to third-hand smoke. Noooo way. I wouldn’t give a rats ass about your MIL’s feelings, she started smoking she had to accept the consequences of that choice. And a nursery when you live 5 mins away? She’s getting way ahead of herself.

Post # 35
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

snowflake8 :  That’s amazing!!! Good luck to your Father-In-Law finally stubbing out the habit!

Post # 36
Member
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Kid of smokers here. I have lung problems because of it, even though they “did everything right”, smoked outside, and washed their hands… asthma and vocal chord issues, plus an allergy to smoke that nearly killed me when I was caught in a wildfire this year.

That’s right. I NEARLY DIED and being around second hand smoke enough to develop an allergy was part of it. I’m still in counselling trying to deal with the trauma.

Post # 37
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I detest smoking. If any of our parents smoked, I would ABSOLUTELY let them know that this would be a perfect time for them to quit. I will not have my child exposed to second or third hand smoke if I can help it. My child’s health comes first. Smoking is an addiction. I have no problem telling someone it would be a good idea to quit even if they think I’m a b*tch for it. Both our parents live five minutes away from us and I presume they are going to be looking after our child and having sleepovers (we are 19 weeks pregnant). I would not be comfortable sending my child on a sleepover to a place where the adult in the house is a smoker. So they would have much better access and more time with our child if they were non-smokers.

And the anecdotal nonsense (I smoke and my kids are fine!) is just that. Nonsense. Of course your house smells more than mine and your kids’ clothing probably smells a bit too. How would you know? Your sense of smell is worse than mine.

I have no patience for smoking almost like I have no patience for alcoholism or other addictions. I sought help for my eating disorder, get help for your smoking.

Post # 38
Member
4095 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t wait. As this post proves, a lot of people are still ignorant to the affects of third-hand smoke. My Mother-In-Law is a smoker, and she was.

Post # 39
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

waterg :  Please just see the first hand accounts of children of smokers. Like I said in my first post, there could be long term effects on your children that you may not be able to see yet. Just because they’re “100 percent fine” now doesn’t mean they will always be. Not wishing any harm to your children of course, you just don’t know what the future holds based on your actions of today. 

Post # 40
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

Google DWIL nation. You’re welcome.

Post # 41
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

KeeKalena :  my children are fine because as I said to you before: we smoke nowhere near our children and wash our hand regularly and wear thick coats which we take off when we come in those coats are then kept outside so they are NEVER in contact with smoke and are 100 percent healthy with no breathing problems what so ever and I can safely say they won’t ever due to our smoking as they are NEVER in contact with it, this might be different for other people who don’t take those steps but for us works perfectly fine and our children are a credit to that 

Post # 42
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

waterg :  What about babeba whose parents also “did everything right”? 

Anyways, there’s no point arguing with someone who refuses to look beyond what they think they know. It must be nice to be so sure of the future health of your children. 

I wish you all the best and good health to your family. 

Post # 43
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I dealt with this with my father as well.  I spoke to our pediatrician about my concerns, and they said make sure Grandpa washes his hands very well, and to use one of our blankets to cover him if he is holding the baby.  So if my dad holds my son, he has one of my sons clean fresh blankets covering him up.  We have had no problems, and it still lets my dad interact with his grandchild.

Post # 44
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

KeeKalena :  I don’t see why you keep bringing up that you think my children will have problems later on lol. They are never around smoke that’s how I know any future problems they could possibly have won’t be down to smoke. Another example my fathers parents smoked all around him all his life so nothing like my husband and I who never smoke around our kids and he has never had health problems due to smoke so it just goes to show it’s down to each individual some it may effect some it may not, I’m not arguing your the one that keeps trying to throw in my face that my children may have health problems in the future I simply responded that yes they may but it won’t be down to smoke as we never smoke around them, always wash our hands and are not heavy smokers 

Post # 45
Member
5028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

thesoontobemrsv :  <- I completely agree with this Bee and I am not and never have been a smoker.  

You need to be honest with your Mother-In-Law and be realistic with your boundaries and expectations of her.

The topic ‘How to deal with effects of MIL smoking on baby?’ is closed to new replies.

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