(Closed) How to deal with effects of MIL smoking on baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 91
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee

I was a heavy-ish smoker (half pack a day) when my sisters first started having kids and I would ALWAYS at least wash my hands and switch my top. Try to wear my hair back too. When they were extra small i wouldn’t smoke if i was with them either. Obviously i would always smoke outside and never near them. 

Those are very fair perameters to expect in my opinion (I diddn’t need to be told, but i’d seen the reasearch). Just approach it in a researched but very kind manner. I think washing hands and switching tops really isn’t much to ask.

Post # 92
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

waterg :  You can’t smell the smoke on your kids or their clothes because you’re a smoker.  Non-smokers can smell it.

Post # 93
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

fredthebasil :  me and my husbands are the only smokers in our family! None of my family can ever smell it and I ask them frequently 

Post # 94
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

waterg :  Keep on believing, girlfriend.  If cigarettes are more important to you than your kids’ health, there’s obviously nothing any of us can say that will change your mind.  Sad.

Post # 95
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

fredthebasil :  how dare you accuse me of prioritising cigarettes over my kids!!! My smoking doesn’t effect them 1 little bit because they are never around smoke! Even if you take into account I wash my hands, shower twice a day, wear a long coat when smoking so it doesn’t get on my clothes and then leave that coat outside even after all that I only smoke 4-5 a day. Your rude to think when you know nothing about me that I don’t put my kids first 

Post # 96
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 

waterg :  it’s pretty much impossible to take you seriously when you say that you are doing everything you can, when you are completely unwilling to even acknowledge the fact that there is a lot of scientific data to suggest that third hand smoke can do a lot of damage. 

If your response was more accepting that you actually can’t predict the future, you’d probably get less criticism. 

Post # 97
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

waterg :  I only know what you’ve said here.  And that is that you’re exposing your kids, in their own home, to third-hand smoke at the very least.  As about 700 people have said, you don’t actually know your kids are OK.  Have you spoken to your doctor about your smoking?  To their doctor?

You don’t have to smoke.  And yet you choose to.  So yes, you are doing something harmful for fun and putting your children at risk.  If that isn’t prioritizing smoking over your kids then I don’t know what is.

Post # 98
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

fredthebasil :  you’re being ridiculous!!!

Post # 99
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Perfectionist :  OP, I really think you’ve got more Mother-In-Law issues than just the smoking, and in actuality what you have is a Fiance problem.  He HAS to be the one to stand up to his mother, otherwise you’re just the bitch who’s brainwashed him and you control him and how dare you do this to her son, etc. (In her mind, obviously)

HE has to protect your family because it’s HIS family of origin.  If it were your mom it would be your responsibility.

Mother-In-Law chooses to smoke.  You rightly choose to keep baby away from her.  She has complete control of the situation now – if she chooses, she can stop smoking and hold baby.  If she chooses smoking, no baby.  I would have him emphasize that it is her choice – she holds the cards.  But of course you hold the ultimate card, which is baby.

As another wise poster suggested, please seek the advice of DWIL Nation on Babycenter.  They will give you terrific advice.  Be prepared for some harsh words, but they genuinely mean well and can help a lot.

Post # 100
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

waterg :  Great, well-reasoned response.  Thanks for taking me (or anyone else here) seriously.

Post # 101
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee

waterg :  So by your own admission, you “only smoke” 4-5/day?

Let’s be generous and say 4.

So… 4/day X 365 days in a year = 1,460 cigs a year

You’re telling me that there’s NO WAY you smell like smoke, have exposed your kids to smoke or have anything to do with the impact smoking has in the form of 2nd or 3rd degree when you’ve admitted to smoking roughly 1500 cigarettes a year?!

ONE cigarette is all it takes to increase YOUR risk of cancer.  From the article referenced below, “a single drag of a cigarette, occasional smoking or secondary exposure to cigarette smoke — can damage the body’s cells, tissue and DNA, raising the risk of cancer.”

A Single Cigarette Can Raise the Risk of Cancer and Heart Disease

Post # 102
Member
11526 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow it’s actually stunning to see the denial of facts presented as alternative facts. No one can know that anyone will be okay in the future; this is an unknowable thing.

that’s why as parents, people do all that they can to mitigate potential dangers to their children. It’s all they can control, so they do it as best as they can, based on the EVIDENCE provided by science.

it is obscene to see people present feelings as equal to evidence, and then get outraged when others won’t go along with this delusion.

Smoking will and does put people in danger. There is nothing else as relevant as this fact. Thus OP is not only within her rights but I’d say duties to limit her child’s exposure to second hand smoke.

The end. 

Post # 103
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

carolinabelle :  My parents were both heavy smokers. It was only when I went to boarding school aged eight that I really noticed the smell on things when they weren’t smoking. Even her letters smelt of smoke. 

They used to smoke in the car and I felt awful. 

Nobody can say for sure, but it is possible that the rare thyroid cancer I got aged 12, which is associated with pollutants, was partly caused by smoking. I’m also smaller than either of my parents. I’m so glad the climate against smoking around children is so much more hostile.  

Post # 104
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

fromatoz :  I don’t care what you have to say to me not sure why you keep messaging 😂

Post # 105
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Perfectionist :  I will have the same issue when Fiance and I have kids! My Father-In-Law and SMIL are literally chain smokers, and they smoke inside all the time. They always smell SO strongly of smoke.

It’s a pity you can’t get your Darling Husband to speak to them as I am a firm believer in “you deal with your own family”, so in my situation I plan on handballing that responsibility to Fiance 😛 I do think you’re within your rights to say something, so maybe read some of PPs suggestions and draft something before you actually call or speak to them? You can be polite about it, but don’t be too apologetic (“I’m so sorry to have to ask, I know it’s a huge imposition”) because they might just steamroll over you.

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