- 6 years ago
My fiance and I were planning on eloping, as it is a second wedding for both of us. Word got out and people started complaining. We felt pressure to have a wedding at home, so now we are putting together a simple but elegant wedding in August.
Since the announcement of this, the drama has been steadily rolling. First, it was his ex-wife dropping off some old stuff to my fiance’s Stepmother she just “miraculously found” at the house (even thought they have been divorced for 3 years) .
This started a huge fight with step-mother as she disclosed the ex-wife still hangs out with her now, and how she enjoys time with ex-wife and also the ex Mother-In-Law and they LUNCH together. (This all started when the ex-wife got dumped by the man she left my fiance for)
I have never been invited to lunch or dinner with this Stepmother ever…it seems she is hanging on to the past, even though my finace has told her how much of a manipulative, cheating snake the ex is. (which is what ended their marriage).
He is hurt, I am hurt, and this is just the beginning.
So the newest drama is that my fiance was at a family bbq and my cousins kids were acting extremely rowdy. Apparently, the young boys are encouraged to roughhouse with their mom and adults and my fiance of course doesn’t know this. He was attacked, kicked, hit in the privates etc by the boys. He picked up one of them to get him off and then held him down on the ground to get him to calm down. I saw the whole thing and he was trying to get the kids off of him. Well my cousin is now freaking out and badmouthing my fiance and me to everyone in the family and saying he could have hurt the boys and there is no way she is coming to my wedding. my fiance feels awful that he has upset her and also agrees he could have managed the situation differently but didn’t know what to do and she just lets them do whatever (they hit and kicked me that same afternoon…they have “ADHD” she says). he did hold them down for awhile, and even after being asked to let them go, he refused and seemed almost out of control and obviously angry.
MY fiance is writing an apology and fedexing it to her, but now this has caused issues between me and him. He doesnt have any kids and wants one, but now I am unsure if he is ready for kids…I left my first husband as I found out he was slapping the kids behind my back and telling them not to tell me, and my children have been through enough. I have a no violence policy in my home. My kids are well-behaved and older, but I can’t have him losing his grip and acting rough with any of my kids (he never has, but what if) and especially if we were to have a baby…I am stressed beyond belief.
Now we are not talking, and I am getting more angry because he is avoiding me. I told him i feel that I gave him a lot of time to talk to me aboout what he is feeling and I expect that he would try to talk to me and not just wait for me to talk to him. He is basically avoiding the subject altogether and it has been five days.
I am still planning the wedding because I believe we can get through this however, I need him to come up with solutions and ideas on how to make me confident that he is going to be able to manage being a step dad and possibly a dad.
What should I do? 🙁