- 7 years ago
- Wedding: February 2012
My fiancee and I have been together for four years and engaged for four months. We come from very different backgrounds. My parents divorced when I was ten, I have a twin sister and my entire family are very open-minded, supportive, artsy, fun-loving people. My Fiance is an only-child of extremely conservative parents who waited later in life to have him (they were in their early 40s). Every member of his immediate family is or was a lawyer (his uncle is a judge) or in real estate. To them the only things that matter are God and social/class status (seems like a contradicion hey?)
Before I go any further, I dn’t mean to generalise anybody based on religious beliefs. While Fiance and I are both atheist (he prefers agnostic), we are respectful towards his family’s beliefs, and the beliefs of all others.
His family have never liked me and probably never will. In his mother’s eyes I’ll never be a good enough wife or mother because I have a career, but I’ll never be good enough for her son because my career isn’t prestigious enough (I’m a high school teacher and part-time photographer). I can’t win. We’ve given up on them accepting our choice to not get married in a church and to have an entirely secular wedding.
I don’t know how Fiance ended up so well adjusted considering he was brought up in a family who are racist, homophobic, classist, sexist and hate everyone who is not like them. This is no exaggeration.
After about two years of trying to get them to accept me I gave up and for the past two years I’ve just avoided them. I realise that once Fiance and I are married, this isn’t going to be possible. Fiance knows how hard I’ve tried, and is incredibly frustrated with his parents, especially since my family adore him so much and have welcomed him into the family (he was invited to my great-aunt’s birthday!) but as the only child he feels like he owes them something.
I guess I’m just looking for suggestions of how I can deal with these people now and in the future. The thought of them tainting my future children scares me, but even moreso I’m concerned they’ll never let me and Fiance be happy. At our wedding my sister will be bringing her same-sex partner (who she’s been with for 6 years) and I’m worried FI’s parents will make her uncomfortable.
Sorry this is kind of waffling on, I just don’t know how to handle the future in-laws. I don’t need them to like me, just to accept me. Any suggestions of ways to reach out to them?