How to deal with guy who won't leave me alone

posted 11 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not overreacting and I’d be nervous too. He’s out of control. I’d talk to the police or an attorney. I don’t have any similar experiences so maybe other bees with be more helpful.

Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I agree with restraining order. No one should be allowed to make you uncomfortable. That’s honestly psychotic. 

Post # 4
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Oh that would make me way nervous. Do you think just threatening him with a restraining order would make him stop? Or would that just make him angry?

Post # 5
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

Yes please get a restraining order. He sounds dangerous. 30+ calls and 70+ texts in an hour? Thats insane.  Does he know where you currently live?

Post # 6
Member
4915 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would document as much as you can, get a lawyer to draw up a letter demanding he stop. Inform everyone around you about this so he stop trying to use them to get to you. Be careful , sbd you might want to talk to the police too, even just for documentation. 

Post # 7
Member
4921 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

ChasingZenith :  Definitely get a restraining order, and be sure to establish a code word with neighbors and/ or friends.   That way if he does show up you can alert someone without tipping him off.   Put whatever records you have of his emails/texts in a secure place.  Please be careful.  

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You are definitely not overreacting. I would absolutely look into a restraining order. 

I’m so sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 9
Hostess
3259 posts
Sugar bee

Bee, this makes me frightened for you. What you’re describing is a worrying pattern of escalation. Does he know where you live? Please, please pursue a restraining order. I’m alarmed he knows where you work, because he could easily follow you home. Please be very cautious, make sure all your friends are aware (it sounds like they already know), and consider carrying pepper spray or taking other safety precautions. You may also want to have a buddy you check in with.

Post # 10
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

That’s scary, he’s scary I hope you’re ok 🤗 get a restraining order and document everything. Hope this gets resolved and stay safe until he stops!!

Post # 11
Member
714 posts
Busy bee

You’re not overreacting. Make copies of everything and go to the police. Try for a restraining order.

I had a stalker once. It was a terrifying experience. I slept with my dog next to me and a stun gun on the bedside table for a long time. He stopped bothering me a year and a half ago after pulling a revenge stunt that sent me to the police, but I still worry from time to time that we will run into each other while out and about (he lives a few miles away) and that he’ll start in after me again. 

 

Post # 12
Hostess
8646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

ChasingZenith :  All of the nope! If I were you, I’d also let the secretary know this person is harassing you, and she’s not to tell him whether you’re there or not – or give out your schedule. Believe it or not, I’ve worked at a place where a younger person thought they were doing a huge favor by letting an inquiring guy know when her co-worker would be there next. HUGE mistake. He was a stalker and started showing up during her shifts.

I hope this guy leaves you alone, but now that he knows your place of work I’d for sure carry mace, if not a taser.

Post # 13
Member
5084 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with those saying to go the route of external support and protection- restraining order etc.. I’m hella blunt too though and people thinking they are owed my time or acting possessive because I happen to be friendly with them make me really angry so I would probably also deliver some harsh truths to this dude.

“I do not belong to you and your possessive behaviors are unacceptable. You need to back off and leave me alone. I’m not sure where you got the impression that the appropriate response with any woman is EVER 35 fucking text messages in the space of a few hours but that is NOT OKAY. You are not owed my time or attention and frankly, you need some better goddamn boundaries. Leave me the fuck alone, Rob.” 

And, yes, to mace and other personal protection! If he even walks up to you too fast, I’d tase the shit out of him.

Post # 14
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

ChasingZenith :  Uhhhhhhh scary!

Completely block his number.  Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t answer numbers you don’t recognize.  Better yet, change your number!  It sounds like you’ve told him to give you space, and that’s not working.  Be blunt with him one last time, and tell him that you are not interested in any relationship at all, including friendship.  If you feel like it, you can tell him why, but honestly, he is NOT respecting you or your wishes, so you really don’t owe him any sort of explanation.

If he continues to contact you, I would clearly let him know you are filing a restraining order, and then follow through with that.

He doesn’t sound like he’s all together, therefore you need to be blunt.  No wishy washy, blunt.

stay safe, he sounds seriously scary.

Post # 15
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee

FutureDrAtkins :  Yeah it’s terrifying when you hear those stories. I always made certain that no one was to ever know my schedule (outside of coworkers who needed to know). 

We had an incident one time of a stalker situation, and after that family members of staff had to use a certain phrase if they ever needed to go through the receptionist to get to their person. Only family was to know it (in case of emergencies or what not). 

It’s scary the lengths some people will go through to track people down. 

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