Post # 1
I was never one who dreamed about her wedding. Calling it “my big day” does not resonate with me and I definitely don’t expect this will be the best day of my life. There are other things I enjoy more than parties and weddings. I hope the best day is a lot more subtle and unexpected.
But here I am, a month away, stressing about every little thing and waking up worrying about stuff that in the grand scheme of things really doesn’t matter (to me and the values deep in my heart, at least).
I posted a little while back about my dress not working out, then ordering an inexpensive one online. I’ve asked for accesories advice. I don’t really have much time to switch things up anymore (except I did order another cheap dress online yesterday just to see, lol), so I will likely have to go with the Lulu’s dress I have. It is far from my “dream” dress style-wise, but it fits better than anything else I’ve tried on even though the fit isn’t perfect either. I deal with a lot of insecurity outside of wedding stuff–about my appearece, about my abilities, etc–and it’s consuming me even more right now. I am worried that I won’t feel good about myself on my wedding day (which really only matters because people are traveling FOR this and there’s just generally a lot of pressure on weddings), that I’ll feel plain or not pretty or “special” enough. And this is petty, but I worry that because I don’t look “special” enough, I’ll be comparing myself to other women at the wedding and how pretty or fashionable they look compared to me even though that is completely not the point. (It’s not something I like about myself, but I do it.) Looking for another dress isn’t another option, nor is there anything out there within price/fit/timeline boundaries that would necessarily be better. I have to be really careful with money and I’m definitely running out of time.
Can anyone relate to this or does anyone have some down-to-earth words of wisdom to offer?
Post # 2
Rachael1 : I felt pretty insecure leading up to my wedding, I was mainly worried about how I would look as I have gained some weight in the last year or two, was working to lose it but wasn’t where I wanted to be when the wedding came.
The day of my wedding I was so happy and excited, I didn’t even really give AF. It was a really special day and being around our family and friends helped ease my anxiety.
You are going to look and feel beautiful and special!
Post # 3
Hey there’s no reason to get caught up in all the details even though I completely understand how easy that is! I’ve been there! It’s so important to take a minute and remember your wedding is about you and your SO. It doesn’t matter if your day involves 50lbs of tulle and a bundle of roses or is held at Burning Man- all that matters is that it is meaningful for you.
Maybe you can spend some time pampering yourself, whatever that means to you, in the next month so you can feel like a strong, confident you! For me a haircut and soak in the tub with some face masks makes me feel so glamorous and helps recenter me when I feel inadequate.
As for the dress, it’s not over yet! In fact with a month that’s plenty of time! Darling Husband and I eloped last October and I ordered a dress from Spell and the Gypsy which arrived within 4 days basically ready to go. We just had a big reception and vow renewal for our friends and family a few weeks ago and I also got super insecure my original dress wasn’t bridal enough so literally a week before the date I bought a bodysuit off BHLDN and BHLDN skirt off Poshmark. I went with a style I know looks good on me casually (bodysuit and flowing skirt) and it fit perfectly! Worst case you can always buy a few items from a bridal ready to wear store like Lulu, Spell or BHLDN and then just return them if they don’t work! You still got options, Bee!
Post # 4
leahbeeah : Thanks for your reply. The dress I have now (the one I got after the “real one” was looking horrible) is actually from Lulu’s, haha. I’ve tried a few at BLHDN but oddly enough the Lulu’s ones seem to fit me a little better. (I am 4’11” and tiny but with big boobs so it makes things hard). Not to mention they’re way cheaper. Those Spell and Gypsy dresses are really pretty! I feel like if certain boho styles of Lulu’s dresses were on a website with that aesthetic, they might actually pass for that brand.
Any dress that I actually feel “omg” about is way, way too expensive. And would have been had I started there to begin with. It’s just this battle of trying to reconcile “It’s okay. I’m not going to look like I’m wearing a stunning dress because I literally can’t afford that” with “But I don’t WANNA settle.” And this jr. high thing where I’m afraid people attending the wedding will be more dressed up/look better than me and I’ll feel like shit. At the same time though, I see a lot of people on Facebook who look really happy at their weddings but don’t look like Instagram models. So maybe I’m just holding myself to an impossile standard. My current dress is way way less elaborate than my original one, but I don’t feel like I’m being constricted by all the beading, the boning, and the structure of the dress that made my body look really unfamiliar to me. So I guess a simple dress that fits relatively well (is it just me, or do proper “bridal gowns” generally not fit and flatter people very well?) is not the worst thing.
Sorry for my rambling. Let me know if you have other ideas of cheap (like under $150 cheap) places to get wedding dresses that can ship right away. I know about Asos and Modcloth, but no luck there.
futuremrs2020 : Thanks for your sweet and encouraging reply. I’m glad you felt happy on your wedding day and weren’t stressing the dress. It gives me hope. 🙂
Post # 5
I can completely relate to your tendency to compare. If it makes any difference at all, I looked at your other posts and I think your dress is absolutely beautiful and you have a stunning figure. You will look amazing in it!! I think it might be hard to imagine now, but I really believe that once you have your dress on with accessories, your hair the way you like it, your makeup done the way you feel most confident in, you might feel a little different. So in the meantime, since your dress is pretty much a done-deal (and it’s a perfect done-deal), maybe focus on other things that would make you feel beautiful.
Post # 6
Rachael1 : Bee, girl….I FEEL YOU! I’m one month away myself and all I can think about is how I’m going to look in my dress….make that two dresses! Yep, I had nearly the same issue as you did except my first custom made dress finally came and I loved it but I now have the dlilemma of what to do with the backup dress. My girlfriend convinced me to wear both, which at the time, I thought was a good idea but now I’m worried that I’m going to look ridiculous wearing two wedding dresses! Plus I’m worried about guests having a good time, whether they’ll talk behind my back about how crappy this whole affair is. Is my choice of DJ gonna work out? OMG the groomswomen are wearing the same dress while my bridesmaids are wearing different dresses. Girl…..its a mess…..of caring about what other people think! Plus I ABHOR being the center of attention! I’m hoping my moment of zen happens soon….or maybe I should start looking into hiring an actress to play me. She’d probably wear the heck out my wedding dress!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Post # 7
slorsc : Aw, that is really really sweet and does make me feel good. In certain lighting, like the lighting of that photo, the dress looks silky and more fancy. In bright light, you can see the straps (that’s my least favorite part) are kind of “meh” looking. It’s just such a “that is a white dress” kind of dress. It’s definitely not bad, it’s definitely not a dress that would make people say, “wow, the DRESS.” Minus the bow in the back, this is my ultimate dream dress, and it couldn’t be further away: https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1u6.RHVXXXXXdXpXXq6xXFXXX7/2015-Luxury-Mermaid-Anna-Campbell-Bridal-Gown-Sweethaert-Cap-Sleeves-Sweep-Train-Heavily-Beading-Tulle-Wedding.jpg_640x640.jpg
As for hair and stuff, I still don’t even kow what to do! I tried on a little birdcage veil the other day but I don’t know how I feel about it/hair down vs up/long retro bob/some sort of hair vine thing.
sablescorpion22 : I’m glad I’m not alone! I’d say if you love both dresses, wear both! Why not?! Omg, I’m SURE people won’t be talking about how crappy it is. I’ve only been to two weddings that I thought were really not fun. One didnt have anything for dinner and the other had a closet-sized dance floor and a live band that just wasn’t the right vibe. Haha. Is there something in particular that worries you about the DJ?
Post # 8
Rachael1 : Nah, its just I’ve never had to pick a dj before. I’ve pretty much planned this wedding myself and I’m still dealing with all the details….I’m praying that it all goes well!