(Closed) How to deal with jealousy when everyone around you is PG

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@chelles07:  Relax. My aunt tried for 5 years. Tried. Tried. Tried. Nothing. They finally were okay with it just being them as a couple and not having a kid. She got on birth control and she turned 37. Two months later BOOM she’s preggo. I know it’s tough. I watched her go through it for years but you need to relax. Take a while off temping and everything else. Have sex to have sex. Enjoy you as a couple.

Post # 4
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@chelles07:  Wine, chocolate, good friends, and knitting lessons 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@figgnewton:  erm…wow. Relax? Didn’t you get pregnant within a month or two?

@chelles07:  It sucks, it’s hard, and it makes you feel like sh!t. I know. For me I’ve just learned how to smile and fake it, until I just didn’t have to fake it anymore. The feelings of jealousy don’t go away completely, but you do kind of get used to feeling them….so eventually they just don’t hurt as much. I’m sorry your journey is taking longer than you expected. It’s so hard to readjust your expectations and realize it’s not going to be as easy as those who got pregnant the first or second try. *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPuddingface:  Yeah, but I was talking about my aunt who went through 5 years of trying.

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPuddingface:  I was sharing an experience that I saw someone who is close to me go through. I’m not trying to say I know how she feels because I don’t.

Post # 8
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@figgnewton:  Sorry, it’s just that I don’t remember you being so relaxed in the month or so it took for you to get pregnant. I guess it’s easier to relax once it’s happened!

Post # 9
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stay hopeful. My mother tried for 6 years and couldn’t get pregnant. She finally admitted defeat and went to the dr to get her tubes tied. He begged her to wait a few more months and BOOM, there i was. 

It will happen for you. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. 

Post # 10
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have to disagree somewhat with the “relax” suggestion. We took 19 cycles over almost two years, a battery of diagnostic tests and medical intervention. Just as you wouldn’t tell someone with a serious illness just to chill and it’ll go away when you forget about it, sometimes it’s more complex than that. 

That said, if you started ttc after your posted wedding date you’re still in the “normal” range, but I get the frustration for sure.  It was always hard for me to remember that other people getting pregnant in no way negatively affects my own chances.  Everyone has their own struggles and for those that get off easy ttc, who knows what other challenges they may face that are just as difficult.  

BUT some days it’s hard to be all zen, in which case theres nothing wrong with throwing your own private pity party.  ((HUGS)) and lots of baby dust your way!

Post # 11
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsPuddingface:  Nice to see your “face” around 🙂 Hope you’re doing well!

@chelles07:  I hope I didn’t sound flippant before. We managed to get PG while NTNT but ended up losing the PG on Xmas day, so while I can’t relate to the struggle to actually conceive I can certainly understand why it’s sometimes hard to be around PG people. My SIL and 3 of my other friends are ALL due in March, plus there are a few more due within a month of her. It’s hard not to feel jealous sometimes, but it’s also really healthy to recognize that those feelings aren’t productive. Since you’re aware of your frustrations, I think you will do a better job than you think of keeping them in check 🙂

EDIT: Woooo we are date twins!

Post # 12
Member
3059 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just keep reminding yourself that one day it WILL happen. IT may not happen on your timing, but the timing that it happens in, will be perfect. And as another wise bee had said before, someone else’s ability to get pregnant does not affect yours! Hang in there..

Post # 13
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think “relaxing” is your problem.  Just be easy on yourself.  You’re doing everything right.  I can’t say that I know how you feel or how to deal w/the feelings of jealousy, but I do want to tell you that your feelings are valid.  I’m praying for your BFP!!

Post # 14
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You saw someone about TTC, correct? What did they say?  The medical person in me just feels for you because you have a disease that can make it really tough to get pregnant naturally, so maybe you will just find out that doing things naturally isn’t the route for you to be a mom, even if it takes a while longer to get to the point of doing interventions.  If I were your doctor I would be helping you out right away, so it really makes me wish I was finished with med school already and working!  Maybe just focus on you WILL be a mom someday, no matter what it takes.  Keep sticking it out for however many “magical” months your doctor wants you to keep trying naturally, and if you don’t get your BFP before then, then be ready to take it to the next step with full force, bound and determined to get your little baby no matter what!  

I’m so sorry dear. It makes me feel guilty seeing so many of the girls on here struggle when it happened pretty easily for me.  Hang in there, and keep being persistent with your doctor.  I just get a feeling that IUI is all it would take for you if it doesn’t happen for you naturally.  

Post # 15
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally understand where you are coming from. To be quite candid, in dealing with the jealousy, I just had to pull myself away from the situation. I haven’t been TTC quite that long, but long enough to feel the twinge of jealousy every time I find out someone is pregnant or had a baby. If I see them in person, I make it quick and enjoy the moment. I also have temporarily hid the new moms/newly pregnant (and WAY enthusiastic) ladies on my FB feed so I’m not seeing it on a daily basis. Luckily, none of my close family members or friends are pregnant at this point, so I can avoid the issue somewhat.

As far as relaxing goes, it’s definitely tough and easier said that done. I keep trying to tell myself and DH that I’m relaxed and “going with the flow” but I can’t say that I don’t have my moments. I’ve been trying to focus on other things, like trying out new recipes and updating my wardrobe, rather than baby/TTC-related things.

Lots of baby dust to you and hope you get your BFP soon! 🙂

 

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