Post # 1
I have lived in my new state for a little over 2 years now. I have found that making new friends has been the HARDEST thing I have ever encountered. I have tried going making them at the gym, taking various yoga classes and Drill classes. I have taken advantage of free community events like free Barre classes and social setting where there would be women my age with common interest.
I have had multiple people bail on hanging out wether it was something they intiated or I did it made no difference.
I work in an office setting with much much older people. 20 years difference in age. I do not go to school, I do not plan on changing jobs any time soon. All I have out here is fiances family but at the same time I would like to make my own group of friends.
I am at a loss. It makes me hate living here. I feel like a horrible person because I am not friend materiel for the women out here. Is that lame? in all honesty who wants to be friendless though? I get enough of my fiance everyday, it would be nice to have girlfriend time to though.
Post # 3
have you tried meetup in your city?
what about volunteering? joining a club or organization?
Post # 4
Have you looked into something like a book club at the local library? Or maybe get involved in helping plan an event – like the annual 5k in your town.
Maybe your future in laws know some people your age that they could introduce you to?
Post # 5
I met friends through school (community college) and went to some meet-ups. I have also volunteered in the past, as well.
Post # 6
@simone_s: What part of MO are you in? I’m in St. Louis..born and raised. St. Louis is a tough nut to crack, or so I hear, for new folks. If you’re living here, has anyone asked you what highschool you went to yet? 🙂 I HATE that! I always felt it’s a way to categorize your financial status. 😛
I’m likely several years older than you, too..(Just turned 37)..but I’d be happy to help you if you need pointers on where to go. : )
Post # 7
@simone_s: aw I wish we lived in the same new state because I’m going through the same thing.
Do you have any ‘Meet Up’ groups in your area that appeal to you? I’ve just started going to a few events I find through them and although I wouldn’t say I’ve made friends yet, they are nice people.
I’m also going to be volunteering at the humane society starting next month and I’m hopeful I’ll meet people that way.
Do any of your FI’s friends have girl friends? That’s how I met one of my friends (who moved away a few months ago).
Post # 8
Hi. I can relate. I moved to RI from my native NY more than 5 years ago. New Englanders are not known for their warmth and out-goingness to strangers. It sucked. Like it sucked so bad I went to a counselor about it and she couldn’t help. Only time helped. I still don’t have a big circle of friends here like I did back home but it’s getting better. Here are my tips:
- Glom onto your FH’s family and their friends. Attend every social event you are invited to so you can maximize your exposure to new people who might want to get to know you and vice versa.
- If FH has friends, see if you can exploit his contacts and their S/O’s or friends like above.
- When I thought I wasn’t friendhsip material, I found I cut myself off to the subtle signals and nuances put out by potential friends. I was simply “not in the mood” to be open to making friends. Harness your inner dumb puppy dog and wag your tail even though it sucks. Weird analogy but if you are open to new friends and put yoruself out there waving the friendship flag, you might get somewhere.
I found friends at my salon, my personal trainer, the gym, acquaintences’ friends, FH’s contacts, work people’s spouses, step kids friends, etc.
Don’t give up! Keep engaging! It will happen!
Post # 9
No great suggestions, but I know how you feel. I moved to this state from a different country last year and haven’t made any friends.
Definitely look for Meet Up groups in your area and see what’s available – in my area, everything was very specific to things that I didn’t fit in, but I think a lot of people have good luck finding groups that they like. Volunteering is another way to meet people, if you find something you can do within a group (I volunteer but it ended up being very independent, which I wouldn’t recommend if you’re volunteering to meet people).
Post # 10
DH and I might be moving across the country soon for his work. I’m terrified of having to make new friends. Will follow this topic for advice, since I might need it!
Post # 11
No suggestions except to say i feel your pain.
Thank God DH is my best friend because he’s the only one i got anymore. We have couple friends through our small group at church with helps but real “girl friends” nope. If i need to call someone just to talk i’ll call my mom or my sister…. who are 500 miles away. No one to just go hang out with – no one.
Post # 12
@Tess63110: I live in St. Lous. I CAN’T stand the highschool question!!!!! Everyone said that people in the MidWest are nicer than the West Coast, no offense to anyone, people are nice but I feel like no one out here is willing to let someone into their circle.
MrsBeck: Fiance’s friends to have GF but I have gone out of my way to be friendly with them and always initate things but I feel like I am doing all the work. I feel like the outcast because I am not from here.
ajillity81 I have looked into Meetup but I won’t lie I am a little scared to join anything because it will be the same thing…people being because you are new but shunning you out after they are done being nice. I might be a little dramatic about this.
Post # 13
@simone_s: i get it. i moved from south jersey to pennsylvania to live with my fiance and its so frustrating because although i dont live far from where i grew up he can get up n go see his friends and family because they are all 5 minutes away but for me i have to travel and drive across the bridge to see people i know. i dont know many people in the neighborhood i live in…i speak to people but most of them arent very friendly
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
@simone_s: I promise you that meetup is not like that! DH and I recently moved from NY to NC without knowing a soul. I went to a few meetups here and it’s been wonderful! I have met so many new people and have been able to explore my new city at the same time. Sure, not every single person I meet at every single meetup is going to be my new BFF, but it’s a great way to meet a variety of people.
I always liken finding new friends to dating. It’s always a bit awkward in the beginning, but eventually you will find a few people who you click with and a friendship will develop from that!
Good luck, I’m in a similar situation and I know it’s tough.
Post # 15
@simone_s: I moved from Toronto to a small small city and that was the hardest thing for me as well. We didn’t even have any family here. I joined a TON of things. Book Club, Dance Classes, art classes. I took a few cake decorating classes too. Eventually I found a few friends that are great. Its definitely tough and can be really lonely but just keep going. You really have to put yourself out there :S
Post # 16
We moved from Florida to South Jersey over the summer and have zero friends. We’re near my hometown, but growing up here I had built-in friends, who’ve all now moved away. FI and I both work in small offices (and I have considerably older coworkers [I’m the only person under 55 in my office]). We don’t tend to do the same social activities most people our age like (bars, clubs, anything like that) so if we could find a group that got together to go to museums or something, we’d probably join that. Right now my closest friend is Carl at Wawa who says good morning to me when I get my coffee.