- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
this post will be kinda long, sorry.
This past Saturday was my fiancee and I’s bridal shower. My Mom’s second oldest sister was hosting (she’s the middle child of 6, 4 girls, 2 boys) and I was really looking forward to it!
Unfortunately, I left feeling quite disappointed, for a number of reasons: it poured rain all day, so we had to stay inside (it was supposed to be outdoors with a picnic and lawn games), we only received two gifts (and 18 women came) and two cards, and my one Aunt (the eldest sister) arrived half drunk and continued to secretly drink beer outside while she was smoking. Like many alcoholics, her personality completely changes when she drinks so she was even LOUDER and more rude than normal.
I talked to my Mom yesterday, and she was still so upset over it. Literally bawling to me on the phone. She was ready to write a letter to her sister and ask her not to come to the wedding, and she was prepared to never speak to her again. There is a lifetime of hurt behind this, as my Mom has been abused and tormented by her oldest sister since she was a child. I shudder to think at how cruel and domineering my Aunt would have been.
anyway, I talked my Mom down, and said that we couldn’t uninvite her, and I didn’t want my wedding to be the cause of a big family rift. However, everyone is fed up with my Aunt’s drinking and bad behaviour at family functions. Last year my uncle finally put his foot down and said the Christmas party was no-alcohol. My Aunt chose not to attend.
Now I’ve said I would talk to her, and my cousin (her daughter) who sadly is enabling her. I’m kinda pissed at both of them for coming to my shower, no gift or even a card, and then my Aunt getting drunk and loud and rude (and it was probably my cousin who bought her the beer, since my Aunt has been on welfare forever). I do not want a repeat at my wedding, and neither does anyone else.
If my Aunt gets mad at me for asking her to arrive sober at my wedding, and decides to never speak to me again, it’s no loss for me. I don’t really have a relationship with her. I want to do this instead of my Mom, since she has a hard time with conflict, like most of my Mom’s family- they are avoiders. I’m glad I got my assertiveness from my Dad’s side I guess!
I don’t have much experience dealing with addicts however, so I’m hoping my non-violent communication skills will help. I want to ask her to respect the special nature of my wedding ceremony, and to arrive sober. I also want to ask my cousin for support in this, since she’s the one that will be driving her. I know I have the support of the entire family with me.
has anyone had to approach a relative like this, under similar circumstances? How did the conversation go?