Post # 17
@hermione_888: You are not crazy. It’s sad that your mother and sister behave that way towards you. I would reserch “toxic mothers” and “toxic siblings” because that what you sould like you have :-/
Stop looking to them for validation. Obviously they do not have your best interest at heart. Your sister sounds jealous and insecure. Do not let her hurt you anymore. Enjoy your wedding day and if they decide not to come ‘oh well’ and surround yourself with those who truly love you.
Maybe if you see a family couselor by yourself you will learn techniques to deal with them.
I have dealt with critical relatives and for my own emotional sake I’ve limited contact with them and I’ve learned not to look to them for any validatio for my life. It’s mine and if they don’t like it, let them be stupid enough to let me live ‘rent free’ in their heads while I enjoy my only life.
Post # 18
My youngest sister is the only voice of reason — but she’s not really in a position to mediate. Neither my mom or my other sister take her seriously.
I have DEFINITELY contemplated doing exactly what you suggested — it would serve them right. But it would also make me feel awful. So I won’t. But I want to!
I agree with your sentiments re: creating my OWN happy family and the thought of this is the only thing that gets me through sometimes! I wish I could cut out my mom and sister entirely…but they are my mom and sister. Easier said than done. :
I’m actually starting to think both my mom and sister have some strong tendencies toward narcisstic personality disorder — so your observation that they are ‘toxic’ was very apt. It’s hard to accept, but the more I reflect on their behavior, the more fitting the descriptions are…
THANK YOU so much, Bees, for giving the opportunity to vent and for being so supportive!
Post # 19
I agree with the other psoters who have said that the relationships seem to be the major problem here. It is never nice to feel that someone else has a better relationship with someone you want or think you have that kind of relationship with. ANd it sounds like your mother has a better relationship with your sister.
But I am confused over the engagement party. To me it doesn’t sounds like anything intentional it just sounds like someone fKed up. It sounds like your sister thought your mother was going to tell you and your mother thought your sister was going to tell you. Things like this happen and yes whilst it sucks it is just a misunderstanding and not worth WW3. Talking about this mix up would probably clear the air. this might also be the reason (the mix up and hard feelings) why she hasn’t asked you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or she could of infact been waiting to ask when she saw you at her engagement party. There are a lot of assumptions being made in this situation.
Have you even talked to your sister to find out what happened and to let her know that you are not coming because you just didn’t know? Because from your post it sounds like noone is talking to each other but relying on secondhand information which is never a good thing to do.
I would talk to your sister and mom individually about your feelings and try not to come from a blame stance. talk about how it makes you feel when such and such happens.
To me it sounds like there is a lot of resentment going on on all sides.
Post # 20
This situation sucks. Definite favoritism going on, in my opinion.
When my sibling gives me shit, I slap him in the back of the head and tell him he was adopted.
Maybe this tactic could come in handy in this situation?
At least try it. I’m sure it would make you feel better slapping the shit out of the back of her head.
Post # 21
You are welcome!
I can totally see your sister trying to compete with you now that you both will bemarried: who will throw holiday dinners, who will be pregnant first, whose child will be honor roll first…just smile and nod and ignore them
Post # 22
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this! I have been going through some turmoil with my mother and sister as well (also 18 months apart) except it stems from their mutial dislike of my fiance. It is a lot to go through, but hopefully you have the support from your other sister and close friends, and when it is all through they will be the ones that will have to look back and regret not getting to help and spend this time with you. Keep your head held high, it will all be ok in the end! Good luck!!