(Closed) How to deal with people asking if they are invited to the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This far out you can say you don’t have a final guest list yet. Do you know ballpark of how many you are inviting? You can also say “right now we just have family planned”. 

Post # 3
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes with a wedding so far in advance you can just use the line of “we havent planned the guest list.” Or “until we have a venue we dont know our numbers.”

Post # 4
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

“right now we just have family planned” – I like that response.

Or, them: “Am I invited!?” you: “No, you’re probably not!”  That’ll put them back in their place! 

Post # 5
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with PP’s that you can refer to not having a guest list due to how far away the wedding is. When it gets closer though, and people who are not invited ask, a polite way to let them down is that you didn’t have room on the guest list for many friends or that your venue is just too small to invite everyone (hopefully it doesn’t seat 500).

I find this to be a very rude question and not one that close friends will ask you. Only people who know they probably aren’t invited are going to ask this. 

Post # 6
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

Yeah, usually the ones who will ask this questions are the ones that aren’t close to you, and probably won’t be invited anyway. Very few wedding invitations that arrive are complete surprises.

And the quest for invitations won’t end until after your wedding. My Mother-In-Law tried to push to send an invitation to some distant/estranged relatives, one week before the RSVPs were due. ARGH!

Post # 7
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

I would suggest, “Yes, of course, we are so excited to celebrate with everyone and really appreciate each and every person who wants to be there for us.”

Post # 8
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
jamb:  

Huh? What if you can’t accomodate more than x number of people? is it logistically possible to invite everyone? I would like to invite everyone. However, with $150 per plate for the venue, I sure can’t afford to. We decided on wedding budget early on and trying to stick to it. 

 

I would say something along the line of I am having a small wedding with family and very few friends. 

Post # 9
Member
4594 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
sammy_w:  I always pulled the “I have a huge family, so we’re still figuring out if we will be able to invite friends.” (I do have a big family – Italian and close to my 1st and 2nd cousins – so it was only half a lie).

Post # 10
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
sammy_w: You can always say you’re still working on the guest list.  It’s awkward and rude when people do that.  I tried my hardest to avoid talking wedding in front of people I knew wouldn’t be invited.

Post # 11
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

“We haven’t finalised the guest list.”

Post # 12
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
sammy_w:  I hate when this happens, it’s so annoying. It’s nice that people are excited for you, but no one likes to be put on the spot like that. “We’re still working on the guest list” is a good response for now (it’s the one I’ve been using as a fellow summer 2016 bride). If I get this question later on from people who aren’t invited, I’ll be polite but direct and say unfortunately, we weren’t able to invite them because of numbers (and budget is numbers, so it’s true – I don’t have an extra $250 to spend for each person who wants to be invited to my wedding “because they’ve always wanted to go to an Indian wedding.” People. *eye roll*).

Post # 13
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Ugh don’t you hate that! I have had many people in highschool and college ask if they are invited.. Many of them barely gave me the time of day then! One time I felt so over whelmed I said yes they were invited.. now i am regretting it! I also was put on the spot when the best man asked why his parents have not got their invite. He wanted his parents to come so his girlfriend had someone to sit with.

Here is a few things you can say!

Dance around the issue..”While we don’t have the guest list finalized yet, we’re only planning for our families and closest friends, due to money and space issues.”

 

Blame the venue- “Our venue has a limited number of people they’ll allow, and our guestlist is primarily taken up by very close family and the wedding party. I hope you can understand how difficult this process has been for us — there are so many people we wish could be there with us.”

 

Blame the budget- “Due to tight limitations on our budget, we’ve had to be pretty brutal in chopping down our guestlist. I’m so sad that you won’t be there with us on the day, but we look forward to catching up afterwards!”

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 12 months ago by  Buttercup014.
Post # 14
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

People are ignorant. What if answer is no, are they going to make you say that??

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