(Closed) How to deal with people trying to talk you out of a DW!?

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

If the most important thing to you is to have the people you care about most there, you really ought to have your wedding closer to home or cover their expenses.

You say they have a year to save the money, but if they don’t make much to begin with, the passage of time isn’t going to automatically put the correct amount of money into their account.

I had thought about a Destination Wedding too….for about three seconds. Then I realized that with my sister going through a messy divorce, my best friend just buying a house, my parents saving up for their dream house, the best man working at PetSmart to pay his way through college, and other friends with either demanding schedules, or complete lack of finances, that if I wanted ANYONE around me, I’d have to marry closer to home–because we definitely cannot afford airfare for that many people, let alone hotel rooms.

Destination weddings are fine, but they are asking a lot. You’re asking people to spend money they may be saving for something THEY really want, essentially on you (unless they actually had always wanted to go to Costa Rica). You’re also asking them to either lose out on wages, or spend valuable vacation time on you. I can see your side of it–it’s your wedding, and you should be able to have the day you’ve always dreamed of–but as an attendee of a handful of DWs, I can definitely see their side of it as well. They don’t not want you to have your day. But they do want to spend it with you, and they are probably thinking about what they’d like to spend their $1k+ on rather than going to a wedding. (Unless they’re wealthy, in which case they might just be busy/lazy/hate Costa Rica.) Nothing to do with you, but times are tough right now. If you have the Destination Wedding, they will probably go anyway, but know if they are trying to convince you to not have it there, it’s likely because they will be incurring significant hardship to make this dream come true for you. If enough of your family/friends will have to make major sacrifices ( and by major I’m not talking about changing their vacation plans for this year. I am talking about going without things like haircuts and dates) I would seriously think about your plans.

Have you considered a traditional elopement and a reception back home? I have a couple friends who have done that and it seemed to work out well.

Post # 4
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Well, first off about wanting important family members to be there…

Fiance has a complicated family situation which is why we’re having a Destination Wedding in the first place. We know that his sister can’t afford to come and if his mom chooses to come, she also won’t be able to afford it. So we made the decision that we would pay for them to come if need be and if possible, pay for his 3 neices. That might not be possible.

There are family problems on his side that are bad enough that we decided it would be best if we pay for those who can’t come.

 

As far as people trying to talk you out of it… I’ve sort of experienced a similar thing. I have a friend (who isn’t that good of a friend, but I’m a doormat.. haha) who keeps saying about how she’ll be trying to save money to come and it’ll be a lot, but she’ll try to be there, etc. Basically, I can tell when she says it that she’s trying to guilt me.

What I have experienced is that the people who are truly supportive of me and Fiance are completely on board. They will find a way to be there and if they absolutely can’t, they aren’t going to try to talk us out of it. They understand that it is our wedding and we have our reasons for doing this.

I think that you need to just try to not let it bother you. Maybe for the important people you could help them financially to be able to come? I hope that the important people aren’t trying to guilt you. For me it hasn’t been those people (although my mom has been weird, but not really trying to guilt me) trying to guilt me.

When I finally made a decision on the venue and everything and stopped letting people give me their opinions on what they thought about a Destination Wedding they stopped. When people know you’re actually doing it for sure, probably many of them will shut their mouths. =) For us it was when we were allowing them to give opinions that it got kind of annoying.. haha.

 

As for the people who aren’t close family members and friends, but that you would just like to be there, make sure that they know you won’t be upset it they can’t come and you understand. There are sacrifices we Destination Wedding brides have to make, but hopefully the reasons for having the Destination Wedding outweigh the sadness from what we have to sacrifice. Have a get together when you’re back to see everyone who couldn’t come and show pictures, etc. Just make sure that they know that you understand that it is a big financial obligation as well as taking a lot of their time!

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If your wedding is about everyone being there, then a Destination Wedding isn’t for you. There are a lot of people who can’t or don’t want to spend the thousands of dollars plus vacation time to go on a big trip for a wedding. That’s the reality of the Destination Wedding. If you’re ok with that, proceed (or elope there! and have a reception back home). It sounds like maybe you aren’t ok with it, though?

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

There are many decisions in life that people will try and talk you out of if you let them. You have to decide what’s best for you. If that means going ahead with a Destination Wedding even if many people you care about won’t be there then that’s the right option for you. They are trying to convince you to do what would be more convenient for them, but in choosing the option that isn’t most convinient for your family and friends, you have to understand that many people may choose not to come. No one can talk you out of anything unless you let them, but you do have to be realistic about what you are choosing. 

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Really try not to question your decision. What I do every time I start to doubt our destination wedding, I just talk to my FH and we go over again the reasons why we first decided to do it. He always makes me feel better.

As for the people, just put your foot down and say that’s what you’ve decided to do – please don’t try to talk us out of it because it’s happening and has been decided, you don’t need that extra stress. We understand not everyone will be able to make it but we have our special reasons for having a destination wedding. And that’s that!

Post # 11
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Agh, just delete the email and don’t respond! I’m glad to hear you two can talk about it and make each other feel at ease about it. That’s exactly right, as long as you two are there it’s the main thing.

Post # 12
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lily_of_the_valley:  You could always go to Costa Rica after you and your Fiance get married. Plan the wedding closer to home and have all of your nearest and dearest there to witness and celebrate your marriage! 🙂 Just a thought…

Post # 13
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your sister is being a little silly to talk about safety in CR.  Are you planning to hold the wedding on the rim of Arenal or something??

Post # 14
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For anyone who complains, I plan on asking them what amount do they plan on contributing that we haven’t counted yet?

But I’m probably a bit more snarky than most people.

 

My parents are paying for most, if not all of it. As long as I don’t offend them, then I’m just going to go about our day as considerate as possilbe. You literally cannot please everyone.

 

I also don’t understand people who complain about where a wedding is located. I would NEVER remark on someone’s choice. And this is long before we ever decided on a Destination Wedding for ourselves. I will say what I have always said…if it’s important to them, people will find a way. Part of being an adult is choosing for youself and understanding not everyone will agree. And being ok with it.

Post # 15
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ElbieKay:  I agree. I haven’t been to CR but I used to be friends with a woman who lived in CR, on her own, for a little over a month. I’ve also known quite a few people who have gone there and never had any complaints.

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