(Closed) How to deal with people trying to talk you out of a DW!?

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 17
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Lily_of_the_valley:  I’m sorry she’s doing that. Unfortunately, she’s passing on her insecurities to you. It’s up to her to decide if CR is unsafe for her children…not you.

I forgot to add what many others did…Once we chose what we were going to do, instead of waffling, people got really quiet. We tried to keep discussions to ourselves, only letting loved ones know when something was pretty firm but we have gone from a local wedding to just us to now a Destination Wedding with guests, which I’ve always wanted. 🙂

She might also just be shocked and need a little time. We are getting married in the US and we still get odd reactions. And our city is one of the most beautiful in the US!

Post # 19
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What about Costa Rica is what appeals to you?  Maybe there is an option in the US that’s similar and easier to attend.

Post # 20
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Lily_of_the_valley:  Are you the younger or older sister?

Post # 23
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you want people at your wedding, then don’t do a destination.  That’s just selfish.  Even if they can in theory afford it you’re making them spend money that would have been able to be spent on something they want, but because they love you they really don’t feel like they can miss your wedding.  If you want the destination then call it an elopment and have a celebration with everyone, even if it’s just an informal BBQ, when you get back.  But expecting people to save for it because you gave them a year’s notice?  I can tell you that there is not one person in my life that I would give up thousands of dollars and a week of my vacation time to watch get married.  I’d buy a gift, wish them well, and want to see the photos on Facebook later. 

 

Post # 24
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Lily_of_the_valley:  I just had a feeling…But no, not because of anything you have specifically said. 🙂 I am an only child and this is my only marriage. I was also the only grandchild for 18 years… I’m 35 but I have noticed it took a lot of time for loved ones (not my gf’s) to accept my wedding. They adore my Fiance and are beyond happy for me. But to actually hear me say “I want this” took them a bit to absorb. I think this was more about me growing up in their eyes and less about my choices. If your sister goes to CR, it means her baby sister is getting married and she’s definately an adult. 😉 People love to make issues about things when the thing really isn’t the issue. I suspect it’s more about that and less about CR.

I have no idea about your relationship with you and your sister or entire family, but just stick to your heart. If CR speaks to you, then that’s what it is. It will all work out.

Post # 25
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just don’t go to San José… San José scared the crap out of me as an adult, it is not someplace I would be interested in taking kids. But the cloud forests of Costa Rica are stunning… I don’t see why it would be an unsafe place for kids. It’s beautiful there and the people are so friendly.

Post # 26
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Lily_of_the_valley:  I think it is reasonable for her to balk at the cost, logistical difficulty or time commitment involved in a destination wedding.  To be honest, I don’t think it’s especially nice to impose more than a weekend of commitment on your guests.  But if those are not issues for her, then making a big deal about infectious diseases is pretty silly.  People vacation in CR all the time.  If she’s concerned about small children, can’t she leave them at home for the wedding?  (I am assuming that there are no issues with breastfeeding.)  As long as she’s careful about not drinking tap water, etc., there should be no issue.

Post # 28
Member
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Lily_of_the_valley:  Sometimes it’s about wanting to use your money and vacation time you have in a way you want to spend it, instead of a way prescribed by someone else (AKA a DW).  Especially when you have limited resources and it seems to be an annual tradition, as you describe it.

Though, she is your sister, so, in my book, she should have some flexibility.  I would give up my annual traditional vacation for my sister’s wedding.  But, I really would think twice for anyone else.

I’m a reader in a friend’s Destination Wedding this May (not out of the country, but far enough away that I would consider it a DW).  I agreed to it at first, but really ended up questioning if the total cost was worth sacrificing my other possible vacation plans for the year (I get ONE week of vacation from work).  She’s one of my oldest friends, though, so I decided to suck it up so I could share her day with her, even though it’s a bit of a hardship for me.

In any case, I’m not saying don’t have a Destination Wedding.  I’m just saying try not to be too bitter if close family (especially those with kids) can’t make it.

Post # 29
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think everyone pretty much covered everything but I just wanted to add my experience incase it helps in your decision. Almost 2 years ago my then boyfriend was in a wedding being held in Punta Cana. He HATES the beach and sun, avoids it at all costs because of his fare skin. We had been dating not nearly a year and he asked me to go. It cost around 3K for us to go for 4 days. We had a great time but he did not do any excursions except the wedding itself on the beach and the night life of dinner and clubs. During the day he sat in the room and watched tv. My point is this was not a trip he would ever have spent money on he just did it for his best friend. Now fast forward to our engagement and my dream of being married at Disney World in front of Cinderella’s castle. I couldn’t bring myself to ask my family to spend that much money. I have 5 nieces and nephews and I wanted all of them in my wedding. They mean everything to me. How could I ask their parents to possible have their kids miss some school days, spend that much money plus everything else that goes along with a wedding. My mom was instanly annoyed by the idea and when fiancee and I discussed it I just said I can’t ask them to spend that money and I can’t get married without certain people there. Case closed for us. Hope this helps a little. How about married there, party here? Or married here, honeymoon in Costa Rica? 

Good luck with your decision and whatever you decide, never look back, never question your decision! Smile

Post # 30
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Lily_of_the_valley:  There are closer places where you can still do a destination wedding. We live in MIchigan and my brother did a destination wedding on Mackinaw Island at a little bed and breakfast.

If you like the way a Destination Wedding sounds – the ease of planning (because the venue does most of it) and traveling there and back and being done with it – then start looking around at closer options. Even if it is at a little Band B on a lake or something.

Post # 31
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@EffieTrinket – very well put!

Just as an aside – possibly people aren’t trying to talk you out of it per se – maybe they just feel badly that they won’t be able to come though they want to? They obviously want to be part of your day – but maybe it is out of reach.

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