(Closed) How to deal with people who are upset about not being invited?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ugghhhh….. thats just stupid – tell him to put big girls panties on and grow up

 

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

This might be pretty passive aggressive of me but I always lie if I can spare someone’s feelings in a situation like this!  I know honesty is best but is it really necessary to hurt his feelings and say “Are you serious?!  We’re not even friends!”

I would say something along the lines of “I’m so sorry but the guestlist was out of my hands!  My parents/in-laws/husband went nuts with adding every relative, neighbor, and coworker and by the time they were through, we were at capacity.” 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Who ever thought you’d have to define your friendship with the bartender? Is it possible to say, “I didn’t realize you would want to be there. I know we’ve known each other for a long time, but our socializing has been limited to the bar and a bit of softball. I’m really sorry this has upset you, but please know I didn’t mean to exclude you — I honestly didn’t think it would matter to you.”

If this is really bothering you and you care enough to do this, perhaps you could offer him some sort of peace offering (a favorite bottle of spirits, or an invite to the house for dinner with you and your hubby). But I don’t by any stretch of the imagination feel like you owe him anything. You don’t even know his phone number, for crying out loud!

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

(crossing my arms and tapping my foot).. well fine, go the passive agreesive route  – i still think my big girls panties comment works well 🙂

@million – a peace offering!!! are you freakin kidding me – buy this guy a bottle of something – top shelf no less for being a rude pita that is giving his customers grief for not giving him a free meal! seriously both of you women, (slap) snap out of it!!

🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m sure the bartender will get over it… just give it a little time.

Post # 11
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Whaaaaaaaaaat?   This guy whose phone number you don’t even know assumes he should have been invited to your wedding and calls you out on it?  I would just say this:

“Thank you so much for your enthusiam about our union.  Unfortunately, between family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, we just couldn’t invite everyone.  How about a round to celebrate?”  Then flash him a big smile!

Post # 13
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@eloping – I don’t disagree that the bartender is out of line (from an outside perspective). But as is usually the case with relationships/friendships we can’t know the dynamics of Lexatron’s interactions with the guy. For whatever reason he was upset by the lack of invite, and now she’s upset because she doesn’t know how to fix it.

Do I think she NEEDS to fix things? No. But if it matters that much to her and if she wants to keep things friendly and amiable with the bartender, then a small gesture may help smooth things over.

Post # 14
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ah.. shoulda coulda blah blah blah… I think the way that you handled it was perfectly fine.  Your “friend” the bartender should never have put you on the spot like that; was he really seriously hurt for not being asked or do you think he was possibly just giving you a bad time?  Other than being on the softball team together, have the two of you ever hung out on an occasion where he wasn’t slinging cocktails for you?  I don’t know what’s worse- that someone was pouting to your face about not being invited to your wedding, or that that someone was someone who you don’t even hang out with regularly in “real life”!

You sound like you’re a really nice girl, but I wouldn’t spend too much more time worrying about it.  It’s over and done with, and due to the fact that it seems to have never crossed your mind to invite Mr. Bartender to the wedding in the first place, I think it’s water under the bridge.  Don’t bring it up again, and if he does, then use one of the polite comments that were suggested.  You don’t owe him any apologies.

Post # 15
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i have a feeling i am going to have similiar issue , but with co workers ..so i may be using some of these lines too…

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