Post # 1
My youngest sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is one of my best friends, but the moment you slightly suggest something to her, she freaks out. Everything she ever does has to be done her way. I chose not to pick the same dress for all of my BMs. I told them that they could all pick a solid black knee-length dress. Any shape that they feel flatters their body and taht they feel comfortable in. I wanted them to like their dresses and feel like they were part of the selection process. Plus I thought it would satisfy my sister’s desire to control everything.
But, that didn’t work. Now she’s in a constant battle with me because she “hates” knee length dresses she claims. She wants it to be mid thigh. I told her I thought knee length would be more appropriate for a semi-formal/cocktail like wedding/reception in December. But, she’s adamant. She also feels the need to control other things but I won’t go on.
How can I get her to stop? Has anyone else dealt with a family member/bridal party member that had opinions about everything and wanted to do things their way? Or, criticized what you were doing but didn’t offer another way of doing something? She gets her way more often than not, and I don’t want the day to come when she’s purchased a dress and shows it to me and it’s mid-thigh or something.
Post # 3
Tell her straight up!
“I feel hurt when you judge and criticize my choices for my wedding. This is my wedding and I get to make the decisions. When you get married you will get to make all the choices. I respect and want your opinion but If I don’t agree with it I don’t want you to push your opinion or go against my wishes!” Or something along those lines!
I know that you probably don’t like confrontation but I think things would go a lot better if she knew she was upsetting you!
Post # 4
I second having a straightforward conversation. A couple other suggestions:
1. Pick your battles. Set priorities. Ask yourself, “Will this matter to me 5 years from now?” Honestly, probably no one is going to notice her dress as all eyes will be on you. My sister wearing a too-short dress wouldn’t matter to me. But if you think it’s a battle worth fighting, then assert yourself as Mrs. Martin suggests.
2. Assign her a job. Is there something you can delegate to her that you’re willing to give up control of? You could put her in charge of out of town gift bags, or the bach party, etc., and that might give her something she could do all on her own.
You’re going to have a thousand decisions to make, big and small, during this process. Lots of people will probably want things done their way. If you can separate what’s really important to you vs. what you can let go of, then you’ll have an easier time dealing with the little things that pop up.
Post # 5
You’re right. I think I should pick my battles. She can look however she wants. She’ll have to deal with how she looks and what she thinks of herself when the pictures come in and she’s the only one with a short dress and crazy hair. I guess I can let it go becuase you’re right it doesn’t matter that much to me, but I think it’s that I hate how she thinks she’ll always get her way in the end because she thinks I’m easy to push around so I feel like I have to fight it, but it just adds stress to me. So, thanks, I’ll just let it go and maybe if I give her something to do that’s all her own then she’ll forget about the dress.
Post # 6
I think you need to talk with her and let her know, in a nice but assertive way, that while you apprieciate her opinions and willingness to give suggestions you have a certian way you would like things to look. Will a dress really matter 5 or 10 years down the road no not really, but her attitude of her way or the highway will still be there. I would nip that in the bud right now. If she doesn’t want to buy a knee length dress, fine you can buy it and then she can’t fuss about having to buy a dress she doesn’t like. Good luck!!!
Post # 7
Have a talk with her, you say she is younger, so maybe she just doesn’t know how to act and be, is this her first wedding?
I was 21 when I was my sisters Maid/Matron of Honor, I had no clue what I was going, what I should do, what I had a say in. Maybe you just need to sit down with her and explain things and let her know her part in all this.