(Closed) How to deal with someone important being absent?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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gingerkitten:  My parents and my sister all missed my wedding day because they’re all dead. 

I understand you are disappointed your sister won’t be there, but perhaps some perspective would help?

You will see your sister again.She will be happy for you and share your joy even if she’s not there.  You will have time together, things to share and celebrate in the future.  Those are all things many people won’t ever have again with people who are very important to them.

When you choose a destination wedding, you also choose location over people.  

Post # 20
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

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gingerkitten:  i totally understand what you are saying. And no matter what the situation is, you are not wrong for feeling upset that your sister is missing your big day. I have a similar situation. I guess the only thing that coudl be said is try your hardest for it not to bother you and just let her absence make you even more thankful for the people that will be there every step of the way.

 

I have had a two year engagment with a set wedding date and one of my siblings wont be making my staggette cause hse cant afford $60. *ANNOYED* some of my others siblings havent sparked an interested or even asked me how my planning is going. Thank god for my Maid/Matron of Honor and another sister. Because of them and their support, it has made me thankful and not worry about the others that have lacked.

<br />Good luck lady!

Post # 21
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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gingerkitten:  i agree w/ PP, just focus on the happy stuff 🙂 i know its hard to have someone missing who is important, but don’t let it ruin your day. enjoy it and know that she is there in spirit.

Post # 23
Member
9012 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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gingerkitten:  My sister, niece and nephew couldn’t come to our Destination Wedding due to custody issues with her ex. He basically wouldn’t sign their passport papers and then wouldn’t watch his children for the week so she could come. He was in general just being an arse. She was my Bridesmaid or Best Man and my niece was one of my flower girls.

My other Bridesmaid or Best Man my cousin got pregnant and wasn’t able to make it either. So we did what  

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aussiemum1248:  suggested to you. We skype them in during the reception. They even wore the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that I had already purchased for them. 

It is sad when people can’t join you but at the end of the day you need to focus ont he fact that even though they can’t be physically there that their thoughts and wishes are with you on your big day.

Post # 24
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

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gingerkitten:  Thats all that you can do Love! Dont let this ruin your moment. And remember it could always be worse and thankfully it isnt. this is your day, its about you and not about the people that cant be there!

Post # 25
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I remember your previous post and, if I recall correctly, it’s not that she “suddenly decided she couldn’t come”, she is mentally unwell and frightened to travel to your Destination Wedding. It is very sad for both of you but all you can do is prepare to feel sad and disappointed that she’s not there, then put it to one side and enjoy the excitement. You’re getting married! It’s going to be fabulous! Don’t let this disappointment get the best of you, go and have fun.

Post # 26
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

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WB4Me:  Exactly.  
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gingerkitten:  You did get a lot helpful responses in your previous two posts on this topic.  I’m thinking you want someone to tell you it’s ok to blame your sister for not being well enough to travel.  It’s really not ok.  I think you didnt care for the replies you received because your sister has more than just a “valid reason.”  She is ill, and your tone has sounded less than supportive and understanding.  Your sister’s health should brumored important to you than one day.  Granted, I know it’s a big day, and I know it makes you very sad.  I’m just saying, it’s not really that you were being torn down.  I know tone is very hard to discern through written words over the Internet.  I’m just letting you know the way it was perceived by many.  

 As many PPs have stated, even if your sister’s health weren’t a factor, choosing to have a Destination Wedding means running the risk not having everyone important with you.  To move past it, focus on being greatful for the people who are able to attend, enjoy your day.  Focus on the reasons you fell in love with and chose this destination for wedding. Put together a hell of a scrapbook for your sister.  

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