(Closed) how to deal with someone with depression?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know. Do you think she is suicidal at all?

Post # 3
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane Oakbrook


snina8916:  I have depression myself, and it really is a daily struggle.  There were times when I was SO needy and wanted to latch on to anyone who would just listen.  I finally decided to get help, and now I’m on Prozac and go to therapy once a week.  I would suggest something similar for her.  Try to get her into therapy or to a doctor.  You definitely care and are going above and beyond, but you are also enabling her depression by being constantly available to her.  It would be best to actually take her to a professional that could then become her sounding board and can actually help her work through the depression.

Post # 4
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

I work with people with mental illnesses and teach trainings for non-professionals who know people with mental illnesses. It sounds like she needs more help and some boundaries. I would suggest that you have a conversation with her. I’d recommend doing it not during one of these phone calls, but a conversation you initiate, preferably in person but at least by phone not text. I would say to her that you are in over your head and not able to give her the support she needs. You suggest that she find a doctor/therapist or go back to a previous doctor/therapist for professional help. You will be supportive, can help her make an appointment, find a provider, whatever you are truly able to do. However, you have work and school and cannot be her daily contact and support. Ask her to please seek help but say that you will not be able to talk to her multiple times a day. You will promise to {whatever you are truly able to do–talk with her once daily at X time, talk with her on A, B, and C days at X time, whatever] but you are not able to respond to repeated daily texts and calls. If she is having a crisis or is not safe, she can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Basically, you can’t be the extent of her support system, but you can provide help in this way.

And then stick to what you said, which is the hardest part.


I’d also recommend NAMI for you and your husband, as well as for her if she’s open. They have great supports for family members and friends of people with illnesses and have support groups (including online support groups and resources) for people who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. http://www.nami.org


Feel free to PM me if you’d like help finding local resources or have other questions.

Post # 6
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

snina8916:  Good luck! Please remember to take care of yourself as well. You can’t force her to get help, but you don’t want to take on her problems as your own.

Post # 7
5165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

snina8916:  I’ve gone through deep depression before and I was just so lonely that I would call my mother constantly (much like your SIL). I just needed something to occupy my mind to prevent me from wallowing in sadness all day. I would encourage her to find a new therapist, maybe she will like this one better. I went to a therapist too and I didn’t like her, she just kept me rehashing what I was depressed about and never moving forward, so I quit going. Sometimes you have to try a few to find one you like. You could also encourage her to try pharmaceuticals or even naturals like St. John’s Wart, under a doctor’s supervision. If she is calling you mostly because she is bored and lonely, maybe encourage her to get involved with some activity in the community, perhaps go with her a couple times to get her interested. I know that I stopped being as needy when I started actually doing things outside of the house instead of just wallowing and calling my mother all the time.

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