(Closed) How to Deal with the “Holiday Letdown”?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh, I know exactly how you feel.  My SO has taken me on the most wonderful vacations, most beautiful places and very expensive reasturants.  But there is never a ring involved.  After so many let downs it gets easier to deal but there is always a little hope.  I wish I could make that little hope go away too but it’s always there.  Do these men realize what they are doing to us?!!  I wish I had better advice for you.  I think if you two have a date in mind then that is great!  My SO and I don’t even have that.  Maybe you should tell him how you feel.  That 6 mo before the wedding is too short and it hard to start planning a wedding before you are engaged and depending on what kind of wedding you are planning it could take a year just to get the venue.  I think most guys don’t understand how much planning goes into a wedding.  Good Luck!! 

Post # 4
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Honestly – it’s a total mind game.  You have to CONVINCE yourself that it’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  It totally sucks and I’m so sorry you are going through the angst.  DH and I dated for almost 4 years (we were both 34), before he popped the question and I was going CRAZY.

You just have to tell yourself that your honey loves you, wants the best for the two of you, and will do the proposal in his time.  Think of times when you have been more zen about it, and think about what things you needed to get to that place.  For me, I had to be reassured that he wanted to be with me, loved me, saw a future with me… and then I was ok with where we were at (when my friends who had been dating a shorter period were getting engaged and married).  ACK.

The silver lining on the cloud is once you do get engaged, all that angst and wondering completely disappears.

Hang in there girl… enjoy your relationship today and for what it is in this very moment.  The more you focus on the wonderful things of the present, the less (hopefully) you will find yourself wishing about what you want to happen immediately.  

Post # 5
3942 posts
Honey bee

I completely understand what you mean. We also have been dating for 3 years and we have lived together for 2. He has told me a proposal will happen in 2011 and as hard as it is, I just have to trust  him and hope it will come within the next year.

Even though I know this, I still secretly get my hopes up just a little bit thinking about the holidays. The other day we saw a commercial with a girl getting engaged on christmas morning and he asked if I thought it was cliche to propose on a holiday. My heart immediately started with “omg! is this a test? is he asking on christmas? will he ask me before to throw me off? Is he trying to see my reaction?”. But no, he was just asking. Eh :/

I don’t have advice…but I do understand!

Post # 6
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

yeah their timelines are just not workable, I think they only realize this when it starts getting closer..ugh.

On the other hand I think it’s great you’ve named the rational side … the majority shareholder.. i LOVE it .

Post # 7
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know- I am kinda going through this myself. I have my hopes up that my interim e-ring is waiting for me on Christmas morning but I am trying to prepare myself emotionally for it NOT being there. As the days get closer, I doubt it will be there and I have to go through all of that in front of others.

I know it is coming but waiting is just so hard- like I said, no advice but think of all of us while you are going through the disappointment. We are supporting you emotionally from afar.

Post # 9
223 posts
Helper bee

@FlutterbyBee:Ugh I had no idea, but if you figure it out, let me know!

I am trying desperately to convince myself that SO is NOT proposing for Christmas and that he would not try to throw me off because that is mean…but I still can’t help wondering, wishing, and LITERALLY dreaming about it.  I try to stop but I can’t.  Ugh!!!

Post # 10
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

UGH I totally know!!  I was talking with him the other night and came to the relization that it doesn’t appear that I will be getting a ring on Christmas night (that’s when I see him), or the day after when we celebrate w/my family, or on New Years Eve since he hasn’t even made stinken plans and probably NOT when we go to the Redskins game either on Jan. 2nd.  So I’ve already accepted defeat and hope to have it by the end of Jan. our 3 year anniv. is on the 22nd.  Maybe that day as I really want to go to the Celtics/Wizzards game that day. 

Funny thing is as I’m reading these posts I was talking to him and he said on Farmville you had to have a wedding tent to collect the christmas presents. 

I said, “Hum that’s funny wonder why a wedding tent?”

He said “I don’t know.”

Then I said, “Maybe it’s their way of telling you to hurry up and give me the ring darn it!!” LOL  He and I laughed but I wasn’t joking…

Here’s to hoping ladies!

Post # 11
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I definitely know how you feel.  The boyf and I live together and have been dating for close to 3 years.  We just went on a holiday trip to visit our friends from college, and literally every time I picked up another friend (I had already dropped the boy off at one of his friends), they asked if we were engaged and then when we were gonna get married.  I just told them that it will happen when it happens.  It sucks sometimes.  I take that back, it sucks most of the time.  I am an incredibly patient person, but I just can’t get past wanting to be engaged, even though I know it won’t happen before next year.  We’ve already exchanged gifts–he gave me things I asked for, but I couldn’t help feeling entirely disappointed.

I’ve even found myself talking back bitterly to the engagement commercials on the radio lol.  “Are you getting engaged this holiday season?”  “Ummmm, NO.”


I’m trying to put on a happy face and ignore the comments because I know that I cannot control this.  He has to be the one to decide it’s time, not me.  We will get married, but getting engaged seems to be on his timing as much as I hate that. 


I don’t really have any advice since I know how hard it is, but I can say that all of us waiting bees need to remember to just enjoy the holidays.  The engagement will come once, and then it will be over.  I keep telling myself that there is no sense in rushing things, no matter how frustrated I feel right now

Post # 12
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@FlutterbyBee: I LOVE that picture you posted. It’s perfect.

As far as getting over the “Holiday Letdown,” I agree w PPs that it’s a mindgame. I avoided FB relationship statuses for the longest time and would just skip over them. I felt mean-spirited, but it helped me to not feel so left out.

I would also sit him down and tell him exactly what you think, without being dramatic or seeming “emotional” to him. He seems like the type that doesn’t get that. Just say it’s not that you need a ring, but you really feel like you’re in limbo with your relationship and how long does he really want you to have to feel like this? I remember you saying you don’t even think he has a ring, and he probably doesn’t if he thinks he doesn’t “need” to propose until 6 months before the “date.” Which, btw, is not practical at all unless you’re having a very small wedding…

Post # 13
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh one more reason I know not on Christmas…he found out years ago w/his ex when he proposed that when you give the ring on a holiday it’s considered a gift and there’s no way of getting it back.  Not that he would not do it for those reasons but I know him. 

Post # 15
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@oracle:Honestly – it’s a total mind game.  You have to CONVINCE yourself that it’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  It totally sucks and I’m so sorry you are going through the angst.

I agree 100%. It is all a mind game. Do not let yourself get into that nasty waiting pit! It is horrible, and it is really really hard to get out of. I have been with my Fiance for 5.5 years I thought he was going to propose 2 years ago and it was hard waiting. But the best way to beat this is keep yourself occupied, do not look at the rings board 5 times a day (like I did) do not look at other womens hands (like I did) you have to keep it out of your mind.

I wish you the best this Holiday season and I really hope that you aren’t waiting too long!

Post # 16
174 posts
Blushing bee

My gut reaction is that it’s not coming any time soon (although my “ultimatum date” is July 2011, so he better hurry up).  So as much as I want it to be now, and as many opportunities as there are in the immediate future (holidays), and in the past, and so as logical as a proposal would be in the next 2 months or so, I revert back to the “but I know it’s not coming any time soon” realization.  That’s how I deal with it.

Talk about missed opportunities.  I don’t need some elaborate proposal — I don’t even need to be at a nice dinner….  a park or a mountain top or a ball game, or even waking up in bed in the morning, would be great with me.  But you would have thought that he would have capitalized on so many of our great travels….hikes, trip to Sydney Australia (e.g. top of the Harbor Bridge or at the Opera House?), cruise, football games, trips to see his family, lovely dinners, Sat and Sun mornings cuddling with our pups….   My poor man would know an opportunity for a romantic moment if it slapped him up top the head. 

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