- 7 years ago
I need suggestions on how to deal with the inevitable “Holiday Letdown”. Quick background – SO and I have been seeing each other for almost 3 years. We’ve discussed marriage in the abstract – meaning, we’ve got some stuff to get ironed out before the wedding, and 2012 is the year. But to me, it’s too abstract. It’s like, “Oh, we’re going to get married in 2012. Right after we win the $250 million lottery and spend 6 months touring the world.” I want to get engaged NOW. He wants to wait until 6 months before we get married because – hey, the engagement is just for planning – no need for more than 6 months. (He’s almost 28, I’m almost 30, so neither of us are spring chickens here…) He’s told me in the past that, “The proposal is to the man what the wedding day is to the woman. Won’t you just let me have my day?” In the mean time, I’m going through every emotional swing possible. Friends get engaged, I cry. It’s killing me, and it’s killing me even more that he seems to be so wrapped up in making this proposal about “him” that he doesn’t even care that I’m about to have a meltdown – to the point where I’m almost ready to say, “I give up.”
We went out of town this weekend on a Christmas trip that I had planned. On the way to our destination, he changed the plans and said, “We’ll only be an hour outside of Gatlinburg, let’s go ahead and spend 1 night at the original destination and the 2nd night in Gatlinburg.” We changed plans, cancelled reservations, and made new ones in the car. It was great. The majority shareholder – the practical, rationally-thinking part of me – knew it was nothing. The dreamer (stupid, daft little girl that she is) got it in my head that this could be *it*. It’s almost Christmas, Gatlinburg is “our” destination, and he suggested it on a whim. It would have been the *perfect* proposal. Nothing. Nada. And on the way home, I sulked.
How do I *deal* with this? He’s not going to propose any time soon – quite frankly, I feel like I’m at the point where he may *never* propose. In the next 3 months, we’ve got Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day and the big 3-0 for me. (Which happens to be the 3 year anniversary of our first date.) I do not see a ring anywhere in my near future – he’s not saving for one to the best of my knowledge, we haven’t looked at them, and for all intents and purposes, I don’t even think it’s on his radar. My birthday – as big a milestone as it is – apparently means nothing to him. “Age is just a number – it doesn’t mean anything.” I tried to explain it to him, and he just couldn’t get it.
My question is, how do I deal with the disappointment? How do I sit through these events wanting nothing more in the world than for him to make the commitment of an engagement, but knowing he has no intention of doing it? I know it’s not happening – how do I get that daft little girl that hopes against all hope that he’s planning something fantastic and this is *the* night/event/holiday/grilled cheese sandwich under control?