(Closed) how to deal with the sibling dynamic

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrshoneybee:  I would tell both that it’s unfair to stick you in the middle… You’re married to one and the other is a BFF. If I was in that position; I’d tell them each to “vent to the other person and not me since I’m not taking sides on this.” Hopefully a few times and they will each get the idea. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mrshoneybee:  Ultimately, your allegence is to your husband.  I’d be more prone to let my husband vent to me about my BFF/his sister, than would want my BFF venting about her brother.

I think it’s ok to share some perspective to both sides… as long as it’s not causing you angst.  Your perspective may help calm your husband down and vice versa.

And, fwiw, I’d also be cautious about airing your dirty laundry or issues with Darling Husband to your SIL.

ETA:  Maybe the next time your husband needs to vent about his sister…. just let him.  I’ve found that often my Darling Husband just wants to be heard and supported vs. trying to defend the honor of his sister because you know she’s not like whatever he’s venting about – do you know what I mean?  You know that at the end of the day your husband loves his sister… sometimes you just need to vent – so, don’t rob him of that by butting in! 😉
 

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrshoneybee:  If I were you, I would ask them to stop putting you in the middle and let them know that you intend to change the subject whenever you do. Then, I would count my blessings that I am friends with my SIL! How lucky!

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