(Closed) How To Deal With This? (Church and Family Related)

posted 3 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

brendaray2009:  didn’t you already post about this cousin wanting to get married in the church? Has something changed for you to want to vent again? 


I I think you can easily just stay out of it. They either become members or they pay the fee. I don’t really see what they want ylh to do about it. 

Post # 3
6868 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is so not your problem. This is between your cousin and the pastor. Let them sort it out. Either she’ll pay the non-member’s church use fee or she’ll go to church long enough to be a member. And everyone else in the family needs to stop enabling her by covering her living expenses.

Bottom line is, she is a grown woman and she needs to act like it, which she will never do as long as someone is hovering over and making decisions for her.

Post # 4
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

brendaray2009:  I know there are some people who only attend the church long enough to get married, so even if the showed that she would be there and became a memeber, it is likely that she will stop going after the wedding.

Either way, this is not on you. It is church policy, there is nothing you can do about it. If they talk bad about the man of God that is on them, not you. I know it is frustrating when someone puts a person you know is good down, but there is not much you can do. If others know her to be a liar, I am sure they will just shrug what she has to say off anyway.

You do not start going to church to not have to pay a fee to get married there. You go to church because you feel lead by the Lord to follow him. There is really nothing you can do but tell her what the pastor said and move on.

Post # 6
45534 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

brendaray2009:  This is not your problem. Let your cousin make her own decisions in life and you make yours.

Post # 7
6868 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

brendaray2009:  You need to be speaking with your family– your cousin’s parents and others who continue to enable her. This is not normal behavior for a young woman who is already an adult, and her family members and friends who allow her to depend on them for these very basic things are not helping her grow up.  As long as she can find someone to carry her, she will keep doing it, and if she’s expected to turn into a grown-up, then everyone is going to have to start treating her like one.

Post # 8
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

brendaray2009:  My answer is the same as when you asked a couple of months ago: this is not your problem. This is between her and the church, specifically the pastor. Every time she asks you, refer her to your pastor. If she throws a hissy fit over it, say something like, “Sorry, I can’t do anything about it. You need to talk to the pastor”.

(Also, finances between her and her parents are not your business either. If she complains, though, you could tell her that it’s normal for parents to charge their adult children board).

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